Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Return of the Double Down! Be Afraid, Ninjas...


It's back! The sandwich that the black, the obese, and the black and obese all salivated over this spring. The rest of us, in disbelief that a widely accessible breadless wonder masqueraded as a sandwich could even exist, either shunned it out of protest (C4) or were so curious that they HAD to try it (Show and WJA3). I guess enough people were curious and/or were shameless/black/obese enough that KFC decided to bring it back, but not without upping the ante on marketing.

Many of you may rightly or wrongly suspect this "sandwich" of being another government conspiracy to slowly kill black people, using the subtler "heart disease" route as opposed to the more swift and deadly "crack addiction" or "AIDS." The formula of chicken-sauce-cheese-bacon-bacon-cheese-sauce-chicken is cleverly diabolical by itself. Your friendly neighborhood Blog Killah is considering joining the dark side more with every word I type. But that's not quite what this post is about.

You see Nappy Heads, the even more sinister genius of capitalism comes in the form of KFC's new marketing strategy for the Double Down. They're paying attractive female college students $500 to wear red sweatpants with the KFC Double Down logo across the butt. No gas.


EEEEEEEEEVIIILLLLLLL!!!


Now I don't want to be racist against my own, but who is going to be most seduced and hypnotized by this campaign? Let's analyze the formula:

Greasy Fried Chicken + White Woman + Booty = NIGGAS!!!!!

J/K (kinda). Any man would be more inclined to go buy that shit with that kind of advertising. And at $500???? You know how much $500 cash is to a college student who lives off meal plans, dollar menus and bursar charges? Hell I'd wear those sweatpants for that right now! Pause. The money helps the degradation go down real smooth. Pause.

As a matter of fact, why don't more companies use this tactic? Why must this be limited to overpriced clothing for preppies, hipsters, and hoodrats? I would market products on these female backsides like shaving cream, football games, condoms, televisions, insurance plans, beer, NappyHeadedBros.com, church functions....ANYTHING!!!

Maybe you could get promotional models with special pants with an electronic scrolling marquee with a bunch of different ads in rotation?



The technology necessary to pull this off would surely make the booty of the wearer of these pants look Nicki Minaj-esque.


KFC of course is getting backlash from feminists, dudes who wanna smash feminists, the socially responsible, etc. Do they care? Probably not. It's all publicity right? Sex sells everything else, right? Why can't it sell chicken?

(video of the news broadcast below)



2 comments:

MW said...

In all fairness, the double down is no less caloric or fattening than many other options at KFC. If you simply slipped the double down as is between two slices of bun, it'd appear to be just another fast food sandwich. Marketing this actually breadless fast food sandwich as 'the sandwich that uses meat as bread', KFC appealed to my curiosity and gluttony, as well as disgust. Yes, I had one. No, it was not as gut-wrenching as imagined. Quite bland and pointless, in fact.

I wonder if nutritionally the double down is actually healthier than other individual items on the menu...

From London Town,
MW

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

True story, I thought this was a sandwich with actual bread and ordered it at KFC on my lunch break. I was ready to go back and cuss somebody out because my dumb ass didn't realize this is how it was intended to be. I took one bite of it, then tossed it in the trash and cursed myself for being duped into paying $7 for that shit.