Monday, September 13, 2010

Hood Nightlife: Just Say No

Not sure where Showrocka went, probably to get yet another tat or to create and choreograph his own dance and call it something ignorant like the Showrock-away(TM), but anyway, C4 returns to your door this afternoon for your daily blog medicine. Now on to the blog...

Nappy Headed Public Service Announcement

The inspiration for this post comes from after the VMA's last night, which were entertaining mostly because of Chelsea Handler's great hosting job, best in years. Lady Gaga and her outfits won everything and the scraps went to Eminem, predictable award show winners. Usher, who apparently can't lose, tore up his set, and Kanye revealed a cool new song saluting douche bags and assholes. It might as well play whenever you sign on to this site. But there I go digressing again.

So yeah, after the VMA's that new "World of Jenks" show premiered, the one where this curious tall white guy with long hair lives with some random ass different type of person and video-docs it. It started with Maino, of "Hi Hater" and "All The Above" fame. Of course I wanted to see why Maino slapped and choked Andrew out, and as I predicted he was just being extra and ghetto. The exchange went something like this:

Andrew Jenks: So all these people love you and follow what you do, why is it that all you do is party and drink and pull groupies?

Maino: Yo you talkin mad shit you don't know what you're talking about?

AJ: I just want your opinion...

Maino: You know what it takes to be me?! You know what I've been through?!

AJ: No, that's why I'm asking.

Maino: *choke*, *smack*

Bouncer intervenes, they get nowhere. Later they make up, Maino takes Andrew to Bed-Stuy (to a bodega that might have been the one by my old crib) and he gets along with the hood residents, yadda yadda.

I re-learned two things from watching this, both involving why one who is not ghetto/ignorant should not try to engage with someone who is on various levels.

Lesson #1: Never get into a serious debate with a dumb nigga from the ghetto

As we saw with Andrew Jenks and Maino, when you approach a dumb nigga from the ghetto with sound logic that makes said dumb nigga uncomfortable, he will try to intimidate you first with aggressive vocal tactics. When that fails, he will resort to violence. This is a hard and fast rule. Live by it. If presented with the opportunity to engage in such activity, just calmly listen to what the hood nigga has to say, nod and say, "word," or "I feel you," or "I see what you sayin'," or something else that appeases and encourages the hood nigga to finish with this topic and move onto something less controversial, like phat asses.

You will, 90% of the time, fail to sway the hood nigga opinion with the type logic that one may learn in school, probably because often, that hood nigga is using logic and knowledge that he learned from jail. Either because he did a significant amount of time in jail (10 years in Maino's case), or because he was sitting on the block listening to some older hood nigga who did. And one thing about jail logic, it tends to be obvious to those of us who've never been, but mind-blowing to those who have.

Example: "Yo my nigga, listen. The cop is just trying to do his job, and that job is to arrest those who commit crimes, you feel me? You don't commit no crime, nahmsayin, the nigga is far less likely to lock you up. And nahmsayin them niggas be knowin, yo. He see you hangin' around mad niggas who he know be slangin' and got guns, he gon' think you slangin' and got guns. So don't do dat. That's my word."

Which brings us to our other point of education.

Lesson #2: Do not socialize in the hood, even if you live there.

Now I'm not saying you should diss your neighbors or come off uppity/aloof, but don't chill on the block. Don't post up on the stoop if you ain't locked out the crib or waiting for someone to open the door. Don't become too familiar, cuz that's when shit pops off. Me? I have a five minute rule. I'll say whatup to the folks I see around the building, those I know to be residents, etc. It's only polite. Some of them are cool. And who knows? Maybe you'll need one of those guys to vouch for you one day if you find yourself stumbling into a nigga moment. But I ain't got a whole lot much more to say to them niggas more than whatup, cuz I got shit to do. Those cats are out there because either they do not, or what they have to do is illegal.

If hood niggas and/or strippers are featured on a club flyer, do not attend!

This goes double for nightlife in the hood. Clubs in the hood = Dangerous. For example...

A St. Lucian Soccer player was shot in the head execution-style, just hours after scoring the game-winning goal in a match. He had been partying that night in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, NY.

Show: Nigga, didn't I come to your birthday party in Crown Heights???

WJA3: I knew my life was in danger that night....

C4: Nigga, I had a house party. This was at a nightclub in Crown Heights.

Show: Oh yeah he had a death wish, who knows the amount of angry and armed Caribbeans he drank and danced amongst. Prolly pissed off somebody they beat that day.

Believe it or not, this flyer is not for a strip club. Phat ass on a flyer? Dudes will be there. A lot of them.

You see? Even dudes from the hood will tell you, "yeah I love my hood, but I party in Manhattan!"

The same applies to whatever city you are from. Find bright lights, reputable businesses (that are open), and at least a smattering of Caucasians as your earmarks.

Thank you for listening, this has been a Nappy Headed Public Service Announcement, courtesy of C4.


NC17 said...

interesting and true for both partying and living in your hood. I have friends who always try and tease me about moving to LA by saying things like "you sold out, you abandoned your city, bmore til i die" then the next week it's "i hate this city man, i need to stack my paper and get away". everyone takes pride in their hood, and love to rep, but no one really wants to be there.

Rock said...

C4's advice needs an addendum. If you plan out hanging in the hood for more than 5 minutes, do so regularly... Then niggas know you and you're less likely to get robbed, more likely to get vouched for, and don't have to tuck in your jewels. Also, if you are a bit familiar, let it be known that you do in fact pack heat...may even wanna stretch or something so you accidentally show it....just once and you should be good.

khaki la'docker said...

soooo whats up with the new background??? something tells me that it was he who wears jeggings and uggs idea to switch it up

anyhoo--- im with c4 on the 5 minute rule and i co-sign this post...