Tuesday, August 17, 2010

TS takes on Dating...Oh Lord.

Tako: Ok, we all know I'm not one for all the introspective lovey dovey shit, so I'll leave this one up to Show. We had originally planned the "shorty's Skeet stories: Piss edition" for today but we are having technical difficulties.

Show: Hold up, when did I become the Mushy, lovey dovey one son?

Tako: When C4 decided he'd rather be boo-loving than blogging, and wja3....well, who ever knows what his elusive ass is thinking.

Show: Well, I guess I am a bit mushier (pause) than you.

This being said I'm gonna go straight in...

Tako: Pause.

Now I've been single for about six months right now and still really don't know how one is supposed to date. Like really. I know how to treat a lady, I know plenty of fun things to do, I know how to get in their pants, but really....how is the whole dating thing supposed to work? What does dating even mean?

Tako: Khaki is going to call you so gay for this.

Show: It's Ok, me and Khak has that special "we haven't smashed yet" relationship, and I was convinced she was gay for about a week. LOL.

So anyway, like I said...whats the object of dating? If the object is to find out what you like and then go on frequent outings with one special girl then why the fuck not just make that person your exclusive girlfriend?

Tako: the point of dating is to smash as many girls as you can before getting married. Get it out of your system so that once you're hitched, you only have to cheat occasionally.

Show: You may be right. I doubt it though.

Take me for instance, I know exactly what I like...or I think I do, so what exactly am I trying to figure out. If a girl is my type I know we'll hit it off, so why not just wife her from the start?

Tako: We all know what you like. Thick Latina girls, (with the exception of that one black chick with the freckles), spanish accents, and tattoos. Duh. As easy as it is to say that though, that doesnt mean that you and your big bootied latina princess are going to necessarily be in the same frame of mind at the same time. You may want to be boo'd up watching tv and planning a 2014 wedding and she may want to watch 106 and park and fu*k different tattooed, dreadlocked dudes.

Show: So its an age thing...well a "mental age thing", because a girl can be 27 and act 16.

Tako: Exactly. That being said, smash as many as you want...just wrap it up. Don't worry about meeting "the one" because chances are, you've already met her...you just have to keep it 100 with yourself and give yourself the test.

Show: The test?

C4: The Test?

Show: C4, where the fuck did you come from.

Tako: He's like a short ass light skinned ninja...minus the karate part. But anyway, yeah the test.

The Test: Ask yourself, a.) would you try as hard as you could to not fuck or flirt with any other girl if she said she would be yours exclusively? Now, part b....Could you see yourself deleting every legitimate non-friend girl in your phone?

If you've passed this test than she's one of "the ones." LOL. Date around, but when she's ready, you better drop those other girls like flies...in a nice way of course. What'd you say Show? Why wait for her if you're already ready? Because even someone like me who uses the word bitch like I have an endorsement deal with Too Short can see that no matter what everyone says or believes, this is a woman's world. Sure we men may on average make more money, not get sexually harassed and have more opportunities....but lets be honest...the one with the pu**y makes the rules.

Real talk.

Narrow the pool down to those girls that are your type and have a blast. Just remember, there's no point having excess chicks on your roster just for smash points because it a.) takes time away from a girl who may be "the one" or "the one for now" and b.) it makes it harder when you have to send that Andre 3000 text:

"I typed a text to a girl I used to see
Sayin that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be
And I apologize if this message gets you down
Then I CC'd every girl that I'd see see round town and
I hate to see y'all frown but I'd rather see her smiling
Wetness all around me, true, but I'm no island
Peninsula maybe, makes no sense I know, crazy
Give up all this pussy cat thats in my lap no lookin back..."

And that, my niggas, is how you date.....

-TS Boys.


khaki la'docker said...

At one point, I compared dating to looking for a job but I've come to realize that dating is actually like car shopping and ... (post coming soon- well, not really).

Anyway, I agree with most of this - especially the part about you being gay and only liking thick Latina girls with accents (which is why we havent smashed "yet")-and, yes, that test is pretty much on point.

MW said...

Isn't dating like playing Pac-Man? You just gobble up everything in your path, racking up points and occasional bonuses along the way, until one of the four ghosts of marriage future (let's call them "commitment", "sacrifice", "monogamy", and "routine") freeze you in your tracks for good.

Anyway, am I the only freak who thinks it's possible to be in love with several people at once and not betray any of them? The notion of "The One" is horribly Platonic (just as "Platonic" friendships themselves can be horrible). Fuck Plato, and fuck the filthy rags he peddles in his Closet.

Dating is an art of learning who you are, not to yourself but to other people. It's a way to practice your social skills by throwing yourself into a game you can put on pause, save, and resume anytime (...so maybe it's not that much like Pac-Man after all). Finally, it's also a great way to improve your sexual techniques, because Righty (and sometimes Lefty) don't know jack[ing] about smashing.

If you really do believe the ideal of The One, you can't expect to meet that person if you're going half-assed or half-cocked. You need a full cock and a full ass to get and keep their attentions.

frankieFATALE said...

i dont usually comment bc i usually read while working ( yes, im a paid slacker. thank you for the confirmation. ) but this one time i would just like to point out that anything "Platonic" is in fact gay. Plato did all types of fuckery with his friends. literally. all of whom were men. it was also ok to bone lil boys in the ass. the modern definition of "Platonic" deviates so much from Plato's actions that its highly improbable that anyone other than gay men have "Platonic" relationships. and anyone other than a gay man who has "Platonic" friends is just plain stupid.

just food for thought.

C 4 said...

Frankie must read the comments section enough to know that MW is in fact gay, lol