Monday, August 30, 2010

The Pause Chronicles pt.1 "The Showrocka Roast"

No homo, but this is how I met Showrocka. I was at Hoodstock 2004 with my Filipino Homies goin to check out my Boy Montana Blak (Currently known as Maulie Blakwell...check him on itunes, and formerly known as "the security guard who built the vocal both in the Quad security station). Apparently Blak had linked up with his childhood Homie Fatone, his young boy Honesty and some college kid from CT named showrocka to form some group called the Agency.

First impression: "Who is this nigga up here in all this Pink!!!!!!"

Philly was not Dipset country and we were unaware of the phenomenon. He obviously couldn't be gay if he was hanging with the Hug-N-Da Block Boys, but why the flying fuck was he dressed like that. Peep him in the back of this video someone shot, cant miss him.

The reason I bring this up is not to bring up old hip hop memories, but rather to show some of the ambiguously gay things that Showrock tries to pass off as permissible.


C4: You see, loyal blog readers and internet Groupies, we the Bros like to play a game called "Pause Police" where we go through each others cribs and make fun of questionable gay material. Let's try, shall we?

Wja3: This week's contestant...Show "a million nicknames" rocka.

Blue Uggs, Size 11.

Well. They're too big to be any woman's other than Rebecca Lobo or Lisa Leslie.

Show: Mad comfortable. Like walking on clouds.

C4: Verdict?

WJA3 & Tako: Notoriously G.A.Y.

I'm like, really my G? You're wearing "man-Uggs." I didnt even know they made man-uggs. What occasion calls for the wearing of Male Uggs? Dave Matthews Concert? worse part is, I swear I saw this nigga wearing them with a hoodie and jesus piece like that's an acceptable style. What's next Show? Gangstaliscious shorts for thugs (Please tell me you've seen that episdoe from Boondocks season 2)? LOL. Oh well, guess its better than those African nigga opened toed sandals. Wait, actually its not. Grown man wearing 'eskimo slut' boots. Thought you were trying to f**k the sorority girls not be one. I'm just looking for the matching Vicky's secret pink sweats. LOL. Next!

Skinny Jeans, Size 28.

Show: F**k you, I'm a 33.

Wja3: Could fooled me.

Not only are these "skinny jeans" the purple and turquoise pair actually say "Super skinny" as if the originals don't hug your nuts enough! Oh man. There's no justifying this one.

Show: WTF is this a Roast???

Lefleur: Shoulda roasted those jeans.

Show: Who let him in?!

C4: The skinny jean fairy. LOL. Now, we're willing to knock the charge of homosexual thuggery down to a misdemeanor of metro sexuality gone wrong if you donate the jeans to Salvation army and plead out.

Show: Guilty as charged. Too much Sizzurp and Lil wayne lead to a period (ewwww) of bad decisions. I accept the sentence.

Wja3: Hahahahahahahah. Got em.

Show: It's a book man!!!

C4: So a book called the art of sucking men off in jail wouldn't be gay?

Show: you know what I meant.

Tako: It's stupid, but still funny do to your overusage of the phrase "no homo." Speaking of which, Show left his phone unlocked again and I found this. LMAO. Show is gay for having it, and the dudes in the pic are even gayer for falling asleep drunk like that.

In an era of cell phone cameras and you tube videos, be careful...stay on your toes...and take it easy on the questionably gay material, or feel the wrath of the "no homo boys." No homo. LOL.

-Tako & Co.


khaki la'docker said...

He has lost soooo many points for those Uggs. Not even gonna comment on those colored Forever 21 ball pincher jeans.

ChoColAte KiSs said...