Friday, August 20, 2010

NO FAT GIRLS ALLOWED!!!!!!!!!!




Now let's pause for the requisite 30 seconds of silence while Show Rocka weeps over this title.

WJA3: We know what he's about and what he's into.

C4: FAT BITCHES!!!!

Show: Fuck you nigga, how you gonna hate cuz I like 'em thick?

C4: Nigga you like 'em fat.

LeFleur: Can't argue there.

Show: Snitchin' ass Judas niggas.

C4: I'll be that if you admit to your fat fetish.

Show: NEVER!
We love you, Show Rocka!

Sike let me stop.

So anyway, some trendy club in Montreal got a lot of granny panties in a bunch when on their Facebook page they included the title of this post (and a winky smiley face, true story) in an invite to a birthday party for one of the club's partners.

When I saw it, I freaked out. I was livid," said one plus-size woman who received the message as a member of Muzique's Facebook group.


Oh, you were mad cuz you know you're fat, and therefore not invited? Hilarious. How you gonna be mad at somebody else cuz YOU fat? The club promoters didn't stuff twinkies and fried and battered EVERYTHING in your mouth over the last 15 years of your life. The club promoters didn't stop you from putting on some sneakers, going outside and running around until you're tired (sometimes referred to as "jogging," which is a form of "exercise." "Exercise" is physical exertion for the sake of maintaining "fitness," a term used to define one's state of physical health. {this post is over-defined for the "fit-impaired."})

Speaking on condition that her name not be used, the woman said her weight has never stopped her from going out -but she won't be visiting Muzique if it discriminates against people who are overweight.
Oh so I see you ain't proud enough of your fatness to let the good folks at the Montreal Gazette use your name though, but you can complain about how unfair it is that they don't want your fat ass taking up all the space on the dance floor.

Long story short there were plenty of apologies and "oh I didn't even know that was posted" claims from the club promoters, eager to appease to avoid the bad press from fat protests and such.

But let's step back and take a look at the bigger picture.

1. The club wins here.

I know that if I lived in Montreal and wanted to bag some bad shorties who speak bad French for the night, I'd take my happy ass down to Muzique where I know there will be no fat bitches fucking up the potential. Of course I couldn't bring Show Rocka as my wingman, but we weigh the pros and cons, no pun intended.

Show: Eat a fat dick!

C4: Pause. Oh why, cuz you eat fat pussy?

WJA3 & Tako: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Look at all the free promotion! I've never been to Quebec in my life, but I know what club I'm hitting up when I do.

2. Why do fat people always have a lobby of apologists screaming for acceptance, crying about discrimination, as if being overweight is the same as being a certain race, sexual orientation, age or handicap?

It's one thing if you get hated on and don't get that accounting job, that's fucked up. One's weight has nothing to do with things like that.

But don't complain about the sizes of seats on airplanes, rollercoasters, buses, etc. because you can't fit in them! That is a size of seat EVERYBODY ELSE can fit in. Sometimes it's a safety issue. That's a YOU problem, not a WE problem.



The same goes for getting in the club. Why? Because...

3. Everybody knows that nightclubs discriminate!

Period. Point blank. You can't get in with this kind of shoe or these kinds of clothes. "We're at capacity." "Bottle service only." "It's $40 to get in."

All of these quotes tend to translate into things like "you're too ugly," "you're too black," "you're male," "you're too old." Sometimes it also means, "you're too fat."

Normally they're nice enough to lie about it while being absolute pricks, but you get the innuendo. At least these guys are honest about it.

Now don't get me wrong. If I roll up to the club and they tell my plus-size female friend she ain't getting in cuz of her weight, I'm calling up my lawyer friends and suing the fuckers cuz no one disrespects my friends and gets away with it.

Tako: And you don't want a bouncer to fuck you up like they did your homeboy

WJA3: Too soon...

But look on the bright side, porkers. Can't get in at Muzique? Hop a jumbo jet and fly to Long Beach, CA to get to Club Bounce on Saturday night, where they cater specifically to fat people.



Show: Woooooord?

C4: Aha!

Show: I'm just sayin'...

That’s right, fat people. Not just any fat people, either, but fat people who are proud to call themselves fat people. People who joke that they are part of the new Fat is Phat movement.

“Self-conscious? No! Not at all,” laughs Monique Lopez, a curvaceous woman of 23 as she arrives in a tight, black dress and heels. “I was like, ‘I’m going to Club Bounce tonight. I’m going to wear my shortest skirt.’” (Which she did.)

Straight from NewsOne.com.

See how fat people are fighting back?

Lisa Marie Garbo, who opened Club Bounce five years ago, says she prefers plus-sized or larger-framed.
“But I don’t think fat is a bad word anymore,” she adds. “I think a lot of people embrace it now.”
Garbo, a vivacious, 40-year-old blonde partial to flamboyant outfits of tight-fitting pants and low-cut tops, said she opened the club for herself and others who were tired of being “the only fat girl at the local nightclub.”

The club, with a capacity of 400, attracts relatively equal numbers of men and women, although Garbo says about three-quarters of the women tend to be heavy, while only about a quarter of the men are.

Tako: Is that 400 regular-sized people or 400 fat people?

WJA3: So it's chubby-chasing heaven.

C4: Show just copped his ticket to Cali.

Show: I'm just sayin, who's down for the dummy mission.

WJA3: Don't answer that!!!

---Nappy Headed Bros

4 comments:

MW said...

I feel like Showrocka is unconsciously calling out Abhi Hendi on the Beat for being a fat bitch. What a fucking weightist!

Either way: Fat is an accessory. Some clubs say "no sneakers" (i.e. "you gotta have money, you dirty hipster") or "no team jerseys" (read: "take your black back to the ghetto"). I feel like the club is within their rights to limit their customers: it just means they will turn away business. That's their financial decision.

It's very different to say "no Irish need apply", "fags go home", or "take your baby arm out of here and stop making people vomit in their mouths".

Besides, we know our boy Show is waiting around the corner with a bucket of hush puppies and a bottle of Courvoisier waiting to console the thickest-bootied rejects in his cum-stained backseat. Attaboy!

LucyJuicy said...

where do they draw the line of fat? Is there a roll count at the door or do they pull out a BMI chart? What about girls that a just a lil heavy like me? hmmm I wonder if this club would let me in? shit im not even plus sized, and I got still sent back from Mansion on SoBe, so I can understand the outrage. and Guess what? I havent been stuffing my face for the last few years with twinks and everything fried! I eat healthy and exercise, so people need to stop acting like all heavy people are lazy bastards who deserve to be made fun of and discriminated against.

Banker's Club said...

wow, lucyjuice told yall...lol

Anthea Jay Kamalnath said...

Your blog is too funny. Gave you a shoutout on my activism / drawing board site

http://uconfuzzleme.blogspot.com/2010/08/hoodstock-2004.html