Thursday, August 12, 2010

Nappy Newsflash! Montana Fishburne Porn Leaks, with Tragic Results

Taaaaaaakkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flame!

No homo!

Sorry I couldn't contain myself. I guess that'll have to suffice for a cool sound byte like CNN or the Colbert Report. Son. If you haven't noticed the little countdown in the upper right corner of the page, you might not remember that Montana "daughter of Laurence" Fishburne, aka "Chippy D," is scheduled to release her sex tape in six days. But thanks to the glorious good deeds of internet pirates, and the good folks at worldstarhiphop.com, that bitch leaked last night...in more ways than one.

And who else but your boy Tak Boogie is gonna review that for you, since you can't (or at least shouldn't) watch porn at work. Aight? Wanna hear it? Hear it go...

Before I do the whole rundown, I wanna say she has a legitimately dope body. She's fit, the titties sit real nice, and she's got well-placed sexy tattoos. One under the left titty scripted something like "Lost Love," and another right above her bald eagle that says something I couldn't read cuz the she was bouncing up and down too fast. But I digress...

Aight so the link starts with Montana giving up the Downs, aka retarded brains. Retarded in a bad way son. Sub par wop game from the chick claiming she "has a lot of practice at home." Hair and makeup is pretty porno standard, done up but in whore-ish way, which you, I ain't got no beef with. She's doing her little amateurish thing, amateur porn's always, cool. Then...

SKKEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTT!!!

A minute or so into it though the whole shit is RUINED. It's awful. She's got these weird ass spots all over her booty, clustered mostly towards the kill zone. Not a good sign. You might have peeped them in the Brian Pumper (Lloyd Banks look-alike who actually is trying to be a rapper) music video, like Jaime Foxx did. To quote Mr. Foxx...

“I loved it…I really enjoyed it. I like the fact that she got them speckles on there because it's not too perfect. I don't like them perfect asses…the spots are actually there for me to put my hands on. It's Braille, booty Braille…”


He's the most hilarious asshole not associated with this website. Not so hilarious up close though when they look like something could be either the remains of old hemorrhoids, or some type of genital wart. ULGXH!



The STD theory is supported by two things.

1) She has similar bumps in the front around her cooch. Again, could be like razor bumps on some benefit of the doubt shit, BUT...

2) C4 ain't the only one who can research. This nigga Brian Pumper was dropped from his old porno company for forging an STD test for an actress who had chlamydia. So he's shown in the past he ain't afraid to get burnt.

Her ride game was pretty solid too, except that the whole spots thing really throws it off. It's really hard to hit that without wondering if she's infested with something I can't get rid of. I couldn't get the idea out of my head that Montana Fishburne's burnt fish might burn me or whoever else goes up in there. Brian Pumper surely has a disease now.

It's really sad at the end of the day. The way it's shot, she's clearly in the "exploited young girl in first porno" as opposed to the "rich girl in leaked sex tape." Even the jerk Jaime Foxx has sympathy for her dad.

"I feel so bad for Laurence Fishburne...I really can't make a joke about that....I don't know how to....like I would literally exterminate my daughter. If my daughter were to do that, it would be the last few lines of that Eminem song [Stan]"


Word my nigga.

Peep the rest of the radio show here.




And if you really feeling froggy, leap to the porn.

http://www.worldstaruncut.com/uncut/26546

But I gotta warn you. I was Taka Flaka Flacid the whole time. No lotion necessary.

TAKA!

6 comments:

Cie said...

maybe she had chickenpox...

jaime foxx is outstanding, he really said he would exterminate his kid. is that even allowed?

Lucyjuicy said...

Did it ever occur to this girl that those spots might not be normal? WTF there are creams and shit for that condition.. Rich bitch should know that.

Q Double said...

I just watched this "sex tape" and I rule that it was trash and Chippy D is a dumb ass name.

Upon further review, Incredulous Scribes conclude that she indeed does have VD, HIV, OCD, PSP, and any other acronym you can think of based on the "beauty marks" on her ass.

...And Brian Pumper is ghey. like geigh gay...

♥LoVe.Peace.Curls.♥ said...

Dude sounds extra gay.

And she looks infectuous...she makes me wanna go to the clinic just from watching that shit. Ugh. They should've spent less time on that overdone eye makeup and tried covering up them spots instead...

Poor Laurence. Smh...

khaki la'docker said...

I saw some photo stills yesterday of Montana's crabby patty that fucked up my whole Monday. I was sad all day like I just saw a puppy get ran over... crying... mouth twisted like i had a stroke. It was bad...

I was gonna dedicate a whole post to the unfortunate appearance of Chippy D's (girl, bye) Book of Eli and decided not to because... i just cant. Her crunch N' munch was... well, crunch N'munch and.... ewww

Anonymous said...

check out this review of Montana!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-BxuSIVt_g