Wednesday, August 4, 2010

All Yall Skinny Chicks are for the Birds..... (Chris Breezy Voice.)

I was gonna call this post "A Tribute to Paris Aherns with the F cup Boobs" but then it would be too reckless. LOL.

For those of you who are avid blog readers and don't smoke so much pot that you've forgotten last Friday's post, you should remember my decision to post profiles of the different gals I've been shagging and allow the blog viewership to choose who would be the recipient of said long dicking for the night. LOL.

Not as many people commented as I would have liked, but the ones who did voted unanimously for Paris...the hefty hottie with those heavenly heavy hangers. Seeing as how I am a man of my word, I followed your advice and hit up mi chei amor miss Paris and gave her that "more than an eye-full" tower until she was leaning like that tower of pisa shit. LOL.

Here's the recap...

Me: I'm sayin ma, come through.

Paris: You're good for that come thru shit and you don't even be home! Where are you.

Me: At the crib.

Bartender in back round: Another Shot of Yukon Jack 'Flaka Flame'?

Paris: See! With your lyin ass. You aint even home!!! Come get me or I aint coming.

I swear the homie Puertorican Chucho (Redundant I know) the bartender knew he was blowing my spot up and did that shit on purpose. Whatever, as pretty as paris's face is, I still needed a few shots of liquid courage before deciding to rumble in that flesh jungle.

Something about the thought of sweaty, Cinnamon colored fat folds is not the biggest turn on. Plus I knew I'd sweat all the liquor out anyway...something about holding up a 240 pound girl is ...well...exhausting. I tell you one thing beats banging hip bones up against pelvic ones and having bone on bone (no homo) , skeleton sex.

That being said, I slid by paris crib and I shit you not, she gets in the whip eating a Krispy Kreme Donut. I start cracking up and go in with the fat girl jokes. Don't worry, I'll be done talking shit in a minute. This post is anti-skinny bitch, remember?

Me: Damn. Don't you eat enough?

Paris: Fu*k you.

Me: You're about to.

Paris: I shouldn't, you small, egg roll d*cked muthafu*ka.

Me: Don't get mad. You know real women have curves.

She smiles and I know I'm in there. "Real women have curves." She bought that line? Oh man, I this is too easy.

Paris: Hey Blackie Chan...

Me: funny. What's up?

Paris: You know I should fu*k you up for that Blog post the other day. Don't even try to deny it...Show's homegirl snitched you out.

Whoa. I was stunned. Was the plethora of plus sized punani in which i would periodically partake actually finished? I knew this could happen, but didnt think it would. WTF!!!

Paris: Don't trip. I thought it was funny and I know I'm fat so its whatever. I'm about to give you the ride of your life and show you that aint nothing like a big strong girl. Funny thing is, my viewers picked you too.

Tak: WTF!!!! You trying to trick me out!!!

Paris: Unlike your dumb ass, I'm not giving you my web address. Now come over here and get this pu**y.

And I did. Eating, beating, skeeting and making the sweatiest of sweaty messes I have ever done. Engulfed in a sea of primal love potion and punch drunk off the best sex I had had in a long time i fall asleep with my head on her chest like a newborn baby or straight up bitch. She passes out too...and stays that way.

I awake to see a cell phone open on the dresser...

Normally I don't do this, but ummmmm....keeep the party goin.

I go to her blog press App and by a stroke of luck see her last post, though the web address is missing. I have taken this quote verbatim:

Tako Tsou--

The Blakanese cutie who's intellectual but hood. This 145 pound pitbull can have me feelin wilder than a teenage girl in cancun just from the slightest touch. He's a little apprehensive about the big girl factor, but who cares...This dude be strokin like Clarence Carter!! "Breast stroke, Back stroke was the best he eats out, I'll cum all down his throat!!" Oh yall didn't know I could spit bars? Something about his assehole-ish nature and light colored dreads make me wanna go bananas like that chimp did to that lady in Connecticut. I like di*k, he likes pus*y, but lets be real...A "little" Chineese takeout is good, but sometimes you need some soul food that'll "stick to your ribs"

This Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OM Fu*cking Geee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's so getting de-friended on FB!!!!!!!!!

Gotta love a hefty cutie though. Good sex, better head...and more brains than these skinny bird brains. What? If they were smart they'd go eat something!! LOL.

--Taka Flaka Flame



khaki la'docker said...

sooooo Google sucks because it wouldnt let me find her blog...

Rock said...

Me either!!! She must've deleted it or something. She's a savvy one.

Q Double said...

This shit is too funny and true. I thought I had some crazy stories!!

She got you with a "Jay-Z subliminal" too...

This shit classic.

Cie said...


my job just might fire me.. waayy too funny!

Freckles said...

wow. a great story and lesson.

Gavino Brown said...

Doggie, I like em thick (no homo), but 240lbs is 50% more bitch than I can approve of without some sort of waiver.