Friday, July 23, 2010

Celebrities Who Look Kinda Retarded... Part D'OH!






You know what time it is. Let's get right into it. " Anyone who comes up must go down. Might as well go for the gusto now..."


Keanu Reeves

Before you even go there, no, he doesn't look retarded at first glance... until you realized that he only has one facial expression. He's borderline catatonic. I feel like he's suffering from a stroke during every movie I see from him. He famously has only one money line, which goes along with his dumbfounded countenance: "whoa." Now check these pics out, and tell me you'd know they were taken at various points in time if his hair wasn't different.

Whoa...

Whoa...

Embrace me fiery dark Lord Satan!!!

Whoa. Just kidding. That was from the alternate ending of "Devil's Advocate."

Ah I love that movie. Moving on...


Khloe Kardashian


Just think how naturally a pacifier would fit in her mouth. She could totally be in adult diapers. I don't care that she's married to a 7ft-tall giant who can kick my ass. So what? He's an underachiever, in all ways, from his play on the court to his retarded-looking chubby wife who is uglier than both of her sisters. Sure he can beat me up, I'm 5'7". I bet Brock Lesnar would fuck him up though. Matter of fact, Lamar Odom might be retarded too.



C4 buys a one-way ticket to hell in...



3...


2...


1...



Yeah I said it! Gabourey Sidibe looks like a fat retard! That's it! That's all she's got. You know how you get cast as the title character in "Precious"? You look believably like someone obese and abused, and maybe slow in the head. That's it. Everyone's all, "oh she played it so honestly." Bitch please. It was close to home! And of course nobody ever wants to acknowledge the shit. People on fashion award shows and red carpet specials always talking about how beautiful and regal she is, fuck you guys you're so full of shit. If you saw Precious on the subway you would, and they would, be thinking (maybe even aloud to friends), "Eeewww look at that fat ass black ass bitch! That bitch is huge! She must shovel everything in her mouth. She'll die young. She might be retarded too." Say you wouldn't, you're a motherfuckin' liar. Sorry for cussin.

ROOOAAAARRRRR!!!!


Biz Markie


For years, I was convinced that the Biz was retarded. I always figured, wow, it's cool that this mentally challenged artist found an outlet and has been artistically accepted by the public. Nope, he's just a regular guy who looks really retarded. He's the most retarded-looking celebrity ever. Thick tongue, thick neck, strong, furrowed brow? Sounds Downs-y to me. Put it like this. I couldn't find a picture of the guy where he doesn't look retarded. It's actually part of his persona. Take a look.


But you say he's just a friend!

Glen Big Baby Davis


I love watching this guy. Beady, close-set eyes + defensive end physique + high energy = entertaining every time. The nigga even drooled the longest loogie glob I've ever seen, during the NBA Finals. Mildly gross, but ever so fitting.



But don't think this is some one-dimensional guy here. Behold, the many faces of Big Baby Davis.

Happy Baby...


Sad Baby...


Baby what?


Smile, Baby!


C42 Ya Door



6 comments:

Piph said...

LMBO!!!!

Rock said...

I'm convinced, due to the level of ignorance achieved in one post that I had nothing to do with, that Tako must've ghost written that shit...or co-wrote it or something.

Dead on with the Kardashian analysis...but you'd still hit it.

Dead on with the Prescious shit too. She fu*ked it up for all big women...just when monique was kinda getting yall acceptibility points here she comes all fat and jolly (not in the movie, in real life). Lookin like the fat kid from the Cleveland show in a wig.

What??? We aint afraid of no big hoes. Little ones either. Go ahead...get your man...he's gangsta? Us too, go on bring him bitch!! (50 voice).

Who want what (Memph Bleek voice.)

LOL. At me saying Memph Bleek in 2010.

khaki la'docker said...

-dead- just stop! The mouth of biz markie is all sorts of retarded bent tail sperm. Ugh

please add :whispers so that Kingsmomma doesnt hear me: Rajon Rondo.

malika the sexy cynic said...

ok, i just stumbled upon this. i think i'm going to hell for laughing out loud at this. then again, i was probably going to hell before this anyway, so i'll just keep on.

Paco said...

Lest we forget the man with the pubic hair head Adam Corolla.

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