Friday, June 11, 2010

You Remind Me Of My Jeep II: American-Made Edition

So last post was focused on the more exotic chicks, for lack of a better adjective. Today is a little more in depth and focused on the um, cars, you and I are more likely to drive.

The Toyota Corporation: Puerto Ricans aka Boricuas. Upon further review this also applies to Mexicans.

This is one of the more layered assessments in that these women really do embody the entire line of vehicles this maker/island has to offer. It fits also since the company originated outside the continental US but most of them are now made on American soil.

First you have your top of the line Lexus models, who are SIBEs who offer superior handling, a smooth comfortable ride and the lap of luxury. You have huge Previa mini-vans likely driven by Showrocka. PR Camry's have been the most popular cars in America since J-Lo blew up, and the mixed ethnicity Prius Hybrids offer efficiency and energy conservation (to counteract the fiery Pepperican attitude). Historically the records have been great, they get impeccable mileage, but like Toyota the public is realizing that the break pedal doesn't work in several models. Leak a drop of semen in one of these hoes, that bitch is gonna be pregnant.

Chevrolet (General Motors) - White Americans

All-American, born in the GMC. You can always find a nigga riding a big ass Suburban. Pun intended. Or a Tahoe. As long as you understand that I am referencing the black man's unsavory penchant for fat white women I'm satisfied. Of course not all these Chevy's are symbols of niggerdom. Corvettes always keep small-penised white men feeling more secure just like the women who remind me of them: fast, sleek, sexy, expensive. Corvettes also get niggas pulled over when they are driving them. See the connection?

Some are unimpressive Cobalts or affordable nice-looking Malibus, some are stacked Camaros. They don't get the best mileage though, and aren't the most reliable. But niggas still love an Impala!

Ford Motors: African-Americans

Before you throw up the "oh HELLZ NAW" flag, let me explain. Once again, we have an American-made product, with a very proud past. First vehicles created in mass production, some of the flyest cars particularly before fancy shmancy foreign cars became readily available (through integration and immigration). Your daddy and granddaddy remember the Thunderbird in the '50s being the baddest bitch on the block. The old models are still revered to this day.

Then at some point things went awry. Somewhere along the line the quality of production went down, or people were simply attracted to more variety, or the consumer simply forgot to dance with who brung him. Now company finances aren't great and to stay afloat they needed a bailout, like their competitors at GM.

But especially in hard economic times it's important to buy American, as many still do. Black men in droves are found in Explorers and Expeditions (even with rising gas prices. Nigga can't front on a big girl, even with rollover dangers). Mustangs still burn up the highway with that powerful engine, Tauruses remain reliable, and of course we can't forget the top of the line Ford, the Lincoln.

The Lincoln lady is similar to the car in that by old age a black man has decided to ride with it for life, through messing around with other cars. It's luxury, smooth ride, casually classy, leg room, and they run forever. Something ungodly like 400,000 miles, often longer than their owners. I know I'll end up with one...

Tako: what about my Asian ladies?!

Chill son. This needs to be a three-parter simply because I haven't even gotten to Asia, Africa, or most of Europe. At some point next week we'll wrap this like a blunt, ya dig?!

Once More 2 Ya Door,


Akira said...

im so offended. lol.

khaki la'docker said...

I want to be an offended feminist but I cant. I guess the next step is asking hoes for their carfax report. LOL

another classic

NC17 said...

I can't wait for the Maybach movement, Give it a few years German Women are going to be the most sought after thing by rappers and jewish doctors... well not the C-class ones we give them to the lesbian baby mammas

Paco said...

An Asian chick is like my Miata. Tight as hell to get into, but once youre inside, hang on for the ride of your life.

Rock said...

Paco, do you have a Latina Porn Blog??? If so, I want in on that Stat!!!