Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Unattractive female friends

Thank you C4 for that Doobie wrap up of the BET awards. I didn't watch them and now don't need to...though I am curious as to see what Diamond-Moissanite hybrid jewelry Gucci, Plies and Solja Boy Tell em' brought out for the occasion. What? Ricky Ross is fat so none of his chains look that big and Kanye...well, no one cares about him because he looks like he's trying too hard AND has a way of making anything look gay. I swear , I almost stopped wearing Jesus pieces because of him. Sorry God. I'm just sayinnnnnnn (The Dream Voice).

Now, onto the important shit. Yep. I'm cussin already.

Unattractive Female Friends

Now I'm not gonna be mean and say that there is a subset of Girls defined as universally ugly. I'm a firm believer in the fact that there is someone for everybody. Not for me...just for you guys. There is a universally bad bi*ch out there for me, and until i find her I must weed through a pool of strictly model hot dimes. I apologize to any girl I previously talked to who doesn't fit this criteria as I will be proceeding to ignore you. LOL.

Why is any of this important, might you ask?

It's important because I've decided that I do like being able to talk to women and get a female viewpoint on things, yet am fully aware of the problems it causes. For example, in being indiscriminate with ones friend selection, a man can theoretically have female friends (not friends with benefits) lying anywhere on the scale between Nicole Richie and Precious, or between T.I's Tiny and Alycia Keys.

Keep this in mind.

Now, let's just say you are dating a Dime and that we can agree on the universal premise that cheating is bad. Hanging around a technicolor spectrum of girls you would bang in secret, can cause two MAJOR problems. 1.) It leads to cheating, and 2.) It leads to a slippery slope of accepting mediocrity as the norm. Girls no longer seem that hot because we become classically conditioned (college term) to salivate at the plain jane hoes with extra baby Phat even before the vaginal fruit bowl is delivered. Too graphic?

What we need to do is engage in a form of operant conditioning know as negative reinforcement.

Bang an ugly chick? Get Burned.

(Damn son...he must've had his whole face in her Punani ) I know, I'm going to hell wearing a Jesus Piece.

Secure a SIBE, have everlasting raw dog sex for a long as she can put up with you.

Soon we'll be salivating at the SIBE'S because of the positive connotations, regardless of whether or not we get to taste that sweet nectar every time. We will be striving for excellence rather than meritocracy. PHD's over GED's. Yeah i said it...most of yall are the G.E.D.'s of hoes.

Now, Ive decided the best way to actualize this dream is by having female friends that look like this..

I'm not gonna hang around hefty puertorican or Dominican hoes because the seeds of attraction are still there. Sure someone may find this spongebob ho attractive, but not me...and that, my friends, is what this theory is all about. Be friends with girls who you have absolutely no attraction to!!! I don't mean "I'd hit it if i was wasted and no one knew...." I mean, honest to GOD lack of attraction....you can even go a step further and say disgust.

Example: I think Rihanna is ugly, but realize that I would still hit it...So a girl who looked like her shouldn't be my friend. Precious on the other hand, I wouldn't even fu*ck with your di*k and a condom made of J-Lo's booty meat.

That being said.... when it comes to ugly female friends.....
Like NIKE , just do it bitch.

Your girl will thank you for it, your di*k will thank you for it (Pause) and all non-attractive females who you used to bang will hate you for it.

So it Goes (D-Mac Voice). LOL.

Live, Love, Life



NC17 said...

it's all good until your ugly bff slips you a ruthie and you wake up hours later handuffed to her bed while with her fat draped over your body, and smell of musty cheetos all around you.

Don't trust a ugly hoe, and more importantly never let your guard down around them.

Paco said...

If the chick with the nose had a nice pair of D cups, Id hit it.

And theres nothing wrong with musty cheetos every now and then.

khaki la'docker said...

yup, friendship and marriage officially dissolved.