Monday, June 14, 2010

Stupid People Get Their Way: Dictionary Disasters

As of about a month ago, "conversate" is now a word found in the dictionary. Why? How? WHY?!?!?! This pisses me off to no end.

I pay my bills by kicking truth to Lower East Side teenage youth after school. Part of this truth is making sure these kids learn to talk right at the appropriate times. Part or this truth, until that sad, dark, despicable day about a month ago, was informing these kids that you can't say "conversate," because "conversate" is not a word. You can't put it in your college essay, you can't put it in a cover letter, you can't say it out loud, because that's how people can tell you don't have a great vocabulary.

Now what am I supposed to do? Sit there, grin and bear it because enough stupid people have willfully flown in the face of the English language, breaking its laws until their reckless behavior was no longer repudiated but instead reaffirmed by the lingual legislature?

Fuck that, fuck the spineless bitches at Webster's, and fuck YOU Biggie Smalls, for making this non-word so fucking popular. Yeah I said fuck Biggie's fat dead ass. I'm mad!

For centuries of speaking, everybody outside the hood was content to use the existing present tense verb for partaking in a conversation, "converse." You converse with someone with whom you are conversing, and when the conversation is over you have successfully conversed. Then in 1994 Biggie said, "conversate for a few, cuz in a few we gon' do what we came to do, ain't that right boo?"

Pause. No nigga, in few, read a book.

And here's my biggest problem with the whole thing. Whether or not conversate is a word, people who use it will inevitably sound hood and uneducated. Go ahead and try to speak the word with your best interview voice. You CAN'T! Only the hood, the barrio, farm and trailer park folk would attempt to use such a word, and risk being socially (or worse, educationally and economically) pigeon-holed by the use of said word. Like it or not you'll get judged. Whereas when it was not a word people like myself who know better and give a shit could help steer those would-be violators away from this trap.

Now what recourse do we have? Some hard-headed teenager or knucklehead nigga will simply wanna be right, retort with, "it's in the dictionary," and my face is tight. My only solace is that it is so not a word that "crunk" made it in the dictionary first, so what does that say about "conversate"?

The word will function socially much like "irregardless," another non-word-ass word that found its way into the dictionary carried on the backs of the willfully ignorant.

Something is either irrespective of something else, or it happens regardless of something else. Combine them and you have a double negative that makes no sense whatsoever. Irregardless. So that means you have regard for it? Stop it. This is not a word, and when people use it I literally begin to think less of them. As people. Call me a snob if you want. I'll call you a dummy, ya big dummy.

Don't let it happen to any of my family. Brandon, I haven't seen you in a while so I'm not sure how you talk these days, but if I ever catch you saying either conversate or irregardless I will make sure Maurice and Muna whoop your ass. Yeah I said it on the blog nigga it's like that.

I've used a lot of "big" words in this post. I wanted to take them for a spin before they get erased from the language in favor of an emoticon.

And Brandon: irrespective of your opinion, and regardless as to whether or not you might feel like I put you on blast, we can converse about it later and come to a resolution, cuz.


C4 2 Ya Door


Epitome said...

I think I speak for the entire black/african american race when I say......


Epiphany said...

Oh, I was pissed when they put "bootylicious" in the dictionary.... like really? Bootylicious? Are you serious?

khaki la'docker said...

So now its OK to add words to the dictionary simply because folks dont know how to say it correctly? Well alrighty then.

khaki la'docker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rocka La'Docka (No Fish Hop) said...

I would like to say that "Bling, Bling" was the first non word added to the Dictionary Proving that Lil Wayne is the Greatest Rapper of All time...Not counting Pac and the other people better than him.

Also, People dont give Ray J enough Credit.

Put that in the Dictionary.

Bling, Bling. Bitch.

The Imperial WJA3 said...

Why people mad at conversate? The English language is very dynamic. We don't talk like the Americans from the 1800's. We don't even talk like the blokes on the other side of the pond. I'm all for adding words. I remember back in the 80's, ain't wasn't a word. Now its all good to use. I remember when "ass" was a semi-curse when it wasn't a donkey. Now Obama is looking for asses to kick!

Rock said...

WJA3, you know cotton pickin well there's no need for crunk to be in the dictionary.

Anonymous said...

Tell the kids to use less slang during formal discussions.
Then classify such words as slang: conversate, aint, cops, irregardless, crunk, bling.
Tell them to reduce their use of slang phrases like "take the l" and "it is what it is."
Tell them that it's important to speak respectfully to people in authority, like police officers.
It works.

MW said...

I'm as anti-"conversate" as I am anti-"orientate", even though oddly enough, the latter is only about 120 years older and is still valid.

That being said, the trend to use back formations (or, to "back-formate"?) is nothing new in English, and while the resultant terms are understandable, they sound, at best, retardated.

A certain site explored the problem, and supplies a list of other ridiculous sounding Biggie-worthy words such as imaginate, implementate, and representate.

I'm pretty sure all of these words were stolen from Jesse Jackson speeches.

Anonymous said...

If ammalance makes it's way into the dictionary please shoot me.

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

I don't care if it is in the dictionary, I refuse the "word" "conversate" and the fuckery it stands for.

See, the spell check still underlines it in red. That's the true test of a real word. Take that hoods and hood-ettes!

Brando H said...

Oh my gosh. This negro called me out on the blog. Oh wow. It's alright though. I feel you cousin. You would be surprised what they say down here. Like I don't know if you've heard the word "finnah" pronounced "Fit-nyah" used when you're about to do something. Example? "I'm finnah go shoppin!" Or, Fye! No, not the store. "Fye" pronounced like "Fi" or "Fy" What they mean to say is fire. Meaning something is really cool, or something like that. Don't get me wrong, I slip and say fye sometimes too but, I always catch my self. Anyway, that's just grammar.

You know the word "Muggle" from Harry Potter made it into the Oxford dictionary?(Deep down though, the geek inside me was happy)

Anonymous said...

lol @ "irregardless" that is some ignorant shit...

But not as ignorant as "pacific" instead of "specific" which I heard someone say and tried so hard to keep from laughing in their face.