As of about a month ago, "conversate" is now a word found in the dictionary. Why? How? WHY?!?!?! This pisses me off to no end.
I pay my bills by kicking truth to Lower East Side teenage youth after school. Part of this truth is making sure these kids learn to talk right at the appropriate times. Part or this truth, until that sad, dark, despicable day about a month ago, was informing these kids that you can't say "conversate," because "conversate" is not a word. You can't put it in your college essay, you can't put it in a cover letter, you can't say it out loud, because that's how people can tell you don't have a great vocabulary.
Now what am I supposed to do? Sit there, grin and bear it because enough stupid people have willfully flown in the face of the English language, breaking its laws until their reckless behavior was no longer repudiated but instead reaffirmed by the lingual legislature?
Fuck that, fuck the spineless bitches at Webster's, and fuck YOU Biggie Smalls, for making this non-word so fucking popular. Yeah I said fuck Biggie's fat dead ass. I'm mad!
For centuries of speaking, everybody outside the hood was content to use the existing present tense verb for partaking in a conversation, "converse." You converse with someone with whom you are conversing, and when the conversation is over you have successfully conversed. Then in 1994 Biggie said, "conversate for a few, cuz in a few we gon' do what we came to do, ain't that right boo?"
Pause. No nigga, in few, read a book.
And here's my biggest problem with the whole thing. Whether or not conversate is a word, people who use it will inevitably sound hood and uneducated. Go ahead and try to speak the word with your best interview voice. You CAN'T! Only the hood, the barrio, farm and trailer park folk would attempt to use such a word, and risk being socially (or worse, educationally and economically) pigeon-holed by the use of said word. Like it or not you'll get judged. Whereas when it was not a word people like myself who know better and give a shit could help steer those would-be violators away from this trap.
Now what recourse do we have? Some hard-headed teenager or knucklehead nigga will simply wanna be right, retort with, "it's in the dictionary," and my face is tight. My only solace is that it is so not a word that "crunk" made it in the dictionary first, so what does that say about "conversate"?
The word will function socially much like "irregardless," another non-word-ass word that found its way into the dictionary carried on the backs of the willfully ignorant.
Something is either irrespective of something else, or it happens regardless of something else. Combine them and you have a double negative that makes no sense whatsoever. Irregardless. So that means you have regard for it? Stop it. This is not a word, and when people use it I literally begin to think less of them. As people. Call me a snob if you want. I'll call you a dummy, ya big dummy.
Don't let it happen to any of my family. Brandon, I haven't seen you in a while so I'm not sure how you talk these days, but if I ever catch you saying either conversate or irregardless I will make sure Maurice and Muna whoop your ass. Yeah I said it on the blog nigga it's like that.
I've used a lot of "big" words in this post. I wanted to take them for a spin before they get erased from the language in favor of an emoticon.
And Brandon: irrespective of your opinion, and regardless as to whether or not you might feel like I put you on blast, we can converse about it later and come to a resolution, cuz.
C4 2 Ya Door