Thursday, June 24, 2010

Shorty's True Story's: Buc Dinero & the KKK

Here's a story involving your regular cast of blog characters.

What? You didn't like my dope three line intro? Then stop reading shit on the Internet and do the work your employer is paying you to pretend to do right now. :)

Shorty's True Story's: Buc Dinero & the KKK

So today's true story begins with our hometown heroes Buc Dinero & Shanga.

Buc-Dinero: Yo show. I think I've finally gone too far. I'm done. No more. We almost got killed.

These were the first words I heard out of Buc Dinero's mouth after not hearing from him for a good week. Shanga and Mr. Dinero had taken a Dummy mission (aka spur of the moment trip + Alcohol) from the east coast to Atlanta to help Shanga's mom move into her new pad. That's an apartment, No menstro. LOL.

Now for those of you who don't know Buc, he is a virtual chameleon. He is intelligent (no meat hop) and can blend in anywhere from a Nascar race to a Hood dice game or Presidential Inauguration. Problem is, when he's not busy "fitting in" with every and everybody, he's off being the Biggest asshole-coon-hogwash tomfoolerific-morally offensive human being on the planet. No offense.

"I'm just saying...wouldn't you rather see bit*hes with titties than bit*hes without them"
--Buc on why we should skip the Breast Cancer benefit and go to the club.

"I don't love these hoes...I just like em a lot." --Buc to girl in the club later that night.

"You caught me off guard...I have a weak stomach. What were you thinking? "
--Buc to ugly girl he threw up on after she sneak kissed him after the club.

Now that that is established. Let us continue.

Buc and Shanga arrive in the bumblefuck outskirts of Atlanta only to help Shanga's mom briefly and then make their exodus to the local watering hole. Beers continue to be poured and the drunken revelry is at an all time high...that is until the three (dummies + mom) hear those dreaded words, "Last call." Shit, it was only 12:00 and they were shutting down the parrrrr-tay.

Buc Dinero: You know of any other places we can keep drinking?

Bartender: Ummmm. It is Sunday, and there is one bar in the neighboring town...but BE REALLY CAREFUL. Matter of fact, you might not want to go. Its Dangerous. I'm a white man, and I dont go down there.
You can't tell niggas that. Actually, you could've told me that and I would've gotten the hint...but nooooooo, not these hard-heads. Pause.

30 minutes later the three reach the neighboring county and walk into a hole in the wall bar where they are promptly stared at.

Buc: Fuck everybody staring at? pour me a pint!!

Seeing the Nascar race on TV, Buc begins talking about his affliction for the sport and who's in the points lead with some local rednecks. They are perplexed and impressed.

Redneck #1: Yall are some brave sons of bitches but I likes ya. Yall are alright with me...But do yall know yall are in KKK heaven??! This town has one of the largest and oldest chapters.

Redneck #2: I've been in this bar everyday for the past 20 years and have NEVER seen a colored bold enough to come round these parts!!

Buc (Standing on a chair): Fuckin right!! Rosa Parks aint got shit on me!!!

SMH. Let's do that again. SMH. SMH. SMH. Sigh.

Everyone is laughing, because the alternative would be to cry, when the bartender begins pouring the whole bar shots...the whole KKK bar that is. A few minutes later, around 3:00am she says "now you boys can't drive home, i dont want yall to get no DUI...I'ma call THE BOYS to get you a ride."

In walk two Huge, muscular guys blatently brandishing guns. The bartender says "they're here" and hands shanga and Dinero a 12 pack, saying "you might as well enjoy this."

Not knowing whether to run or fight, the boys + mama shanga follow the armed Klansman who give them this card.

Can you say eerie? Next they're split up into 2 separate for mama Shanga (who is white) and two fro black ass buc and puertorican looking shanga. After an interesting ride down pitch black back roads complete with a history of how even the cops in this town were Klansman, the boys miraculously make it home in one piece. The gun toting goons respected the bravery of the boys so much that they didnt leave them lynched or hanging from the back of the truck.

It turns out that the KKK were so used to chasing minorities that they didn't know what to do when the actually caught one. SMH.


C4 said...

Fucking Amazing. I heard this story verbally and it's even more impressive the second time. Bravo my ninja. Bravo Bucs even more, the only nigga on the planet who could make this a comedy, not a tragedy.

James said...

Nothing like those two dummies to stumble upon the Klan.....and live to tell about it!