Friday, July 2, 2010

Shorty's Skeet Stories: Brokeback Edition (PAUSE!!)


Caveman: So you know how you like to get all nostalgic and visit the old Frat house and stuff?

Show: I wouldn't really call it nostalgia seeing as how we're there every few weeks, but go on....

Caveman: Well I always wanted to check out my old room and see what they've done with it, but its always f**kin locked!!

Show: And you didn't just pick the lock? You're good for that.



Flashback to 2001............


A not yet Sigma Pi initiated Showrocka is standing five feet from the Caveman's room in front of a bathroom with a freshman girl we shall call "Jessie." A steamy make-out session later the two find themselves in the bathroom, behind locked doors, looking like they're auditioning for amateur adult films.

Seeing the door is locked, and being a nosey, perverted fu*k, Caveman picks the lock of the door only to find Showrocka the Black Kevin Costner skull humping the cavities out of this girl's mouth as she sits on top of the toilet (no not taking a dump) and his leg is on the sink. WTF!!! It gets worse.



Approximately 10 minutes later Caveman is at an entire party of Frat hopefuls, their dates and others attending the Sigma's casino night, recanting the story. When I say recanting, I mean full on animated storytelling complete with exclamations and pelvic thrusts. The worst part? Jessie was standing right behind him, so close that their backs were literally touching. Needless to say, Caveman's no stranger to being an ass. Back to 2010....


Show: So big deal, your old room is always locked.

Caveman: Nah, Listen....So last week I was there and saw the door cracked.

Show: Success!!!

Caveman: Or so I thought.

Show: Oh dear.

Caveman: You know the openly Gay Dude in the frat who plays for the Baseball team? (No he's not a catcher). Well it's his room now....


Flashback to 2005......

This was the year that out first, and coolest gay Frat brother decided to come out of the closet (pause.) Wait....guess I cant pause that. Whatever. Moral of the story is, our boy MW was trying to lift this heavy burdensome facade of heterosexuality off his chest (no homo...well, yes homo) for like a good 30 minutes before anyone believed him. LMAO.


MW (in upstairs room at crowded Sigma Party): Guys I have something important to tell you, turn the music down.

Boys: Nah. We like it up.


MW: No, seriously. Guys, you all are my friends and....Showrock, why'd you turn the music back up? This is important.

Show: No time for gay speeches.....we are getting wasted. (Ironic choice of words eh?)

MW: Guys, I'm gay.


Insert silence....then roaring laughter....





Boys: Hahahahahah. Shut the f*ck up.

Frat Boy # 1: Shhhh, shhh, shhhh....guys, guess what. I'm gay too! Hahahahahahah.

Frat boy # 2: You too? I thought I was the only one. Hahahahahahahaha


Needless to say this went on for about a half hour before MW hit us with the "when was the last time you've seen me seal the deal with a chick?"


Boys: Whoa. So you're like really gay. Wow. Ummmm. Well, seeing as how you take penis in the mouth, you better not everrrrrrrrrrrr complain about the taste of Pabst Blue Ribbon. LOL.


And we left it at that. Back to Caveman in 2010.....


Caveman: So I do one of my patented, "no-knock-fling open" door moves, and dude jumps out of his skin saying "Oh, I'm just changing my pants."

Caveman: Dude, he wasn't changing his pants!!! He was in front of the computer, meat in hand, hard as week old Now and Laters going to town with gay porn on the screen!!!! I'm like lock your door man!!!!





Show: You're gay by default.

Caveman: I'm traumatized. I caught a gay dude jerking off to Gay porn in my old room!!!

Show: It's not your room anymore...you can't tell him not to be gay in it. lol. At least he didnt turn and catch you mid money shot. Then we'd call you skeet face....lol.



Let's just say this conversation got way more graphic and redundant. Lesson to be learned? Lock your doors ese....lock your doors (Baby Joker from Next Friday voice).



P.S.

Gay be default? Thoughts?


Tako: If he got a chub, or watched for more than 10 seconds.

Wja3: 10 Seconds!!??? If he watched at all he's gay.

C4: He meant thoughts from the audience.....

3 comments:

MW said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
khaki la'docker said...

no locked doors! (have to watch that when I get home)

Okay- so if he watched long enough to know how hard the guy was... and what kind of porn he was watching... uhm... he's not really gay... but sorta borderline gay... like Splenda gay... kinda sweet but not really sugar.... nevermind- im bordering retardation here.

Zane Giffen said...

Wow I can't believe that I just saw this or, more importantly, that K-man actually walked in on this