Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Mr. Mulatto Presents....Double Standards

C4: For those of you new to the blog, let me introduce a mellow fellow the complexion of Othello, who's cooler than than a January Jailhouse pillow...well, cooler than the pillow of someone in jail not getting raped. That pillow would have fresh tears and hot slob all over it.

Just Ask Tako.

Tako: Nigga I did my Bid. Wasn't no ass play goin on either. I held it down like gravity. Down like the titanic....matter fact, I held it down like Chickenheads on the titanic with Down Syndrome!!!

Wja3: You were in Jail all of 14 hours, which your drunk ass spent sleeping. That does not count as a bid. And those references....? Ewwww.

C4: Anyways, like I was saying. For those of you blog newbies, I want to introduce Show's alter-ego Mr. Mulato...A Man, like ourselves, who likes to discuss the politics of race as applied to the current African Diaspora. Big word, google it.

Mr. Mulatto Presents...Double Standards (Pt. 1)

Mr. Mulatto here and I'll be the first to say it. DOUBLE STANDARDS DO EXIST...AND THEY SHOULD!!!

Lets face it....Fat chicks shouldn't wear skinny jeans, but skinny women can. Black and Latina women can get away with being called "Thick" whereas any white chick (who doesn't wear House of Dereon, Baby Phat or Apple Bottoms) would be called "sloppy" or "Fat" for wearing the same thing.

White people with braids look stupid....especially you fools returning from Jamaica with burnt orange Tans, in the same way that black people (or men at least) looked stupid with those bone straight, 5 Heartbeats perms back in the 1970's.

I'm not talking bout the 1990's Snoop dogg perms. Those were dope. LOL.

That being said, I'm finna (Down south word of the day) point out some other double standards that NEED to exist.

"Long Hair, Don't Care?" : Whites

Black people can get away with it, but not you guys. HA-Ha (Nelson from the Simpsons voice).
While we look Flyer than pigeon shit, white guys with long hair can look 1 of 2 ways.

WJA3: David Beckham looks like Hanson.
Or Dirty:

Tako: Where do they do that At!!!!!!!

"Long Hair, Don't Care": The Blacks

We on the other hand, can make long hair sexier (pause) than it was in the Woodstock era. Maybe its cause ladies like Badboys and long hair signifies that? Maybe they just want something to pull during cunnilingus. Who knows? Actually, who cares? I just know I've got dreads and chick's dig it.

Dreads can even look corporate. FYI though. Braids must be cut in the workplace after a certain age or deterioration rate. General Rules: If you are past 25, your braids must be kept neat at all times. You are not allowed to wear an afro or puff ponytail on in between days and if a receding hairline, or thinning of said braids occurs. Cut immediately. If you are over 35, just cut the shits fam.

Braids on deck....Keep em fresh fellas....keep em fresh.

And now onto the bitches....ahem...ladies.

"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff": Whites.

Sweatpants are a versatile weapon in any woman's artillery, provided you are white. LOL.

Lets check it out.

Sorority Girls:

Pretty self explanatory. You've seen them in college....or at least when you were watching college on TV from your 1 room efficiency. JK.

Upitty Rich Girls: Subsets include JAPS (Jewish American Princesses) and Trust Fund Babies

"I want a cutie with a booty in some Juicy" --Showrocka

The Personal Trainer or Hipster...LOL

A Black person rocking this would just look like he was dressed as Run DMC a an 80's party. So it goes (Dmac Voice.)

Yep, if you are black wearing sweats, you're probably trying to pass them off as dressy just because the name brand on them allowed the maker to charge a price premium. I call this Ed Hardy Syndrome.
"Son, I paid $150 for this T-shirt....I'm wearing it to the club. It's dressy."

Nigga. It has no collar. It is not a dress shirt.

Not to be confused with Chicks who give head. LOL.

Sweet white Nectar.....(Uncle Rukus Voice. LOL. )

Back to little red (or black) riding HOOD. Emphasis on hood. LOL.


And then, there's the Hoodlums (and wannabes):

Stay tuned for parts 2, 3, 4 and 5......We go hard in the paint! (Flocka Voice.)
The views and opinions in this post are wholeheartedly supported by Tako and Show.
--Mr. Mulatto

1 comment:

RenAldo said...

"N-word, It has no collar; it's not a dress shirt".

I just found a new favorite blog. Shout-outs to the white girls.