Friday, June 18, 2010

Blackest White Guy in the Room: A Personal Blog


Tako: Son!!!! That Beard is dope.


Show: I may grow it back.


Tako: You still look gay, hugging that dude.


I have to say the funniest thing I've heard all week was C4 saying: "Please let me know when She's gonna be around so that I take over Blog duties. You be mad lazy hanging with SIBE."



That being said, F**k you C4. Lemmmmmm-onnnnnnn!!!!



It's not too often that I get personal on the blog because quite frankly I think it's unnecessary and corny...and gay. This is a blog bitch, not the diary of Anne Frank. You want personal shit? Meet me at the strip club and we can conversate....whoops, I mean converse...like a pair of Chuck Taylors ya dig?



Today, however, I'm gonna let yall get in my head. PAUSE.


Blackest White Guy in the Room


What do yall really know about your favorite blogger other than the fact that he's nappyheaded, likes Latinas and has a penchant for beers from around the world?


Tako: I know he says some borderline gay shit about Post-op Trannys.


Shut up. I wasn't talking to you.



For the rest of you who don't know, I was the President of a predominantly white Fraternity my Sophomore year of college. Sigma Pi, Delta chapter...Bitch.





Why is this relevant? Because niggas stay asking me why I didnt join a black frat.






No disrespect to C4, Naledge or Lefleur, but I can honestly say yall niggas look like monkeys hoppin around stepping and chanting and shit. In all honesty, especially in my college days, the only chant I was interested in was "Shots, Shots, Shots." LOL.

I had no interest in literacy or teen preganacy confrences, going to see public speakers or any of that. I was a hood dude. I wanted to get faded (drunk) and party my Bernie mack colored ass off...and that's what I did. LOL. When I was president we didn't go to any boring function, said fu*k paying National dues on time (that money was reserved for partying), and even re-scheduled the longstanding and established chapter meetings around the Simpsons time slot.





What were they gonna do? Revoke our charter? We were their Ivy League chapter...we made them look good...we held weight, and I know it. Sidenote: Our charter was eventually revoked, but this was wayyyyyyy after my tenure, and thanks to the little bros, we now have it back. LOL)




While I say a lot of this in jest, the fact of the matter is, I joined a white frat ironically because I thought the black frats weren't hood enough. Possibly because I was at an Ivy league school, you run into a lot of black people who think their status as a fried Porgie in a sea of whitefish gets them automatic gangsta points. (insert the howling of a gay ghost...Booo nigga boooooo). People who's parents are Dr.'s and Lawyers are screaming thug life imitating what I call "Ja-Rule Syndrome."


Yes it was sickening and sure it made me want to barf, like gag me with a spoon, but I tolerated it as mere hogwash Tomfoolery. That was, until, you run into a verified instance of a fraudulently foolish fabricated facade.




Frat Black: "Yea son, I see you reppin the east coast? You can tell us east coast G's from the way we bop."


Show: Where you from scrams?


Frat Black: Avon Connecticut Son.




Whaaaaaaaaaaatt??? $101,479 median income per capita Avon? All boys Boarding school Avon? Half million dollar homes Avon? MUTHAFUCKA PLEASE!!!!!



And what did you say??? Your parents? as In you grew up with them both??!!!!! Boy you have about as much street cred as Nick cannon.



And that right there is why I chose to not deal with any of these dudes. Sure there were some real ass dudes in college (shouts to white boy Vick who had the permanent gold grill in an Ivy league school and Dondi with the tattooed hands and Rick Waters Dreads), but they were few and far between. Don't get me wrong, however, being a real ass dude doesnt necessarily mean being a Thug.



Sheeeeeit, Bams and I went to Prep school and you'd be shocked to learn of the money making tricks we learned between there and Upenn...I know you didnt think Work study money was buying 200 dollar Jordans complete with the silver mafia briefcase we used to carry our college books to class in. LOL...And we are not thugs by any stretch of the imiganation. Real ass niggas yes, hooligans no. Well, not Bams at least.



This being said, shouts to all the dudes like Lefleur and C4 though who kept it real simply by being who they were and not trying to be something else. Who knows, if there were more C4's, maybe I woulda joined a coon...ahem...black frat. That being said...





Shouts to naledge for the nights up drinkin 4o's and freestyling.



Shouts to Lefleur for bein my Yakin partner since we were like 12.




Shouts to K-man, Fish, Milhouse, C-town, Boozay, Slater, Little Brown Bird and Abhi Hendi on the beat for giving me people to get whiteboy wasted with for the past 10 years.



P.S.



You know all that was bullshit right? Truth is, you can't get white bitches while gallivanting around in a black frat. I was gettin' that presidential Moo-shoo!!! What do I need black women for? I have enough in my family!!! Let's dillute the gene pool a little...get us some good hair.



LMAO.



Kidding.



The only types of white girls who dealt with black dudes at an Ivy League school were a.) Interested in any black guy...and I don't like being lumped with dudes who wear Platinum Fat Albert Fubu shirts in 2009, b.) Ugly or c.) Played sports and therefore were exposed to us colored folk. Exceptions include girls from Cali who just seem to not care about race one way or the other.



Hope you enjoyed learning about the Rock show, and if not....


Go Eat a tampon sandwich garnished with congealed period blood.



--Shorty

5 comments:

The A2K-10 Virus said...

Not gonna lie, I was readin this post while boo-pooin in between packin and felt inspired to explain why I joined my white as evaporated milk Fraternity, Sigma Chi, Beta-Theta Chapter.

As a sophomore, one of my mom's tech's was a Phi Beta Sigma and would invite me to some of their events. I was never one for the fraternity life, but the Sigmas were aight.

So for my junior year I thought I would "Rush" them, only to be deterred by these two reasons:

1. My Haitian friend from "Nu Yawk" Regine tellin me that I would not survive the process as you are treated like a slave and withheld food(and it was our 1st year of pharmacy school). She knew this apparently because of her roommates who joined the black sororities and the plenty male friends they associated with gave them personal accounts.

2. Then 'find' out that there was no established time period for pledgeship. WTF? So I got to be enslaved for maybe a year, so I can learn to two-step and still not get in?

or

Join a white fraternity filled with friends from my freshman and sophomore floors with an established 8 week pledgeship. If that wasn't enticing enough, my hoe game would blow up on default for being a black man who can rock a sweater vest and cardigan in a sea of white seamen (don't hate my credentials, hoes love sweater vests and Carleton Banks...). Now if that couldn't hook me in, this next reason definitely did the trick:

Join a fraternity full of Africana Studies Majors and future Semi-pro football stars
or

a fraternity full of future businessmen with ill connects to advance my practice as a future PharmD, MD. And what do they ask me in return? Well of course, How to get more fucked up from illicit use of prescriptions drugs without dying and free physicals.

Shit, sign me up Sigma Chi

That being said, shout outs to all my bois at P.I.T.T. in the Pan Hel game; I just decided to take a road less traveled that should be traveled more.

In telling my Afrikan born parents that I joined a Leadership Multi-cultural Fraternity (aka me and a black dude from cali, 2 indians, and a fat rich asian, and 60 klan members [kiddin]) instead of a white as skeet social experience

The A2K-10 Virus
Just a Regular Nigga
doing regular Shit

MW said...

"White fraternity"? We were approaching "Junior Pan-Desi Bollywood Production Group" status, my friend.

Thanks for not mentioning me in your post!: I have artfully honed the skill of coasting through life being both a well-known anonym and an uncredited recurring cast member.

Rock said...

I guess I do owe the fat MW a shout out as an accomplice to my debauchery. The skinny one, eh....not so much. he's too busy banging black dudes (who are not as hot as me, no homo)to come out and drink...or as we colored folk say, "Po' it up!" LOL

Arjun aka L.B.B. said...

Yea Yea! (ZGiffen voice)

Thanks for the mentions, Show. And the ridiculous pic LOL.

RenAldo said...

Omg, ya'll are too ignant on this blog and I'm still reading it.