First off I want to give a huge shout out to the Big Homies Naledge and Double O aka Kidz in the Hall for officially Co-signing the Nappy Headed Bros and hopefully broadening our fan base...who are we kidding...we just want so residual groupies...
Naledge dont be greedy!!!
Nah, all jokes aside, Naledge's decision to put the Bros as weekly columnist on his Braniac society blog was definitely a step in the right direction. In honor of this monumental occasion (and to distract from the amount of meat hopping I just did), I'm gonna talk reckless.
The Bros Present....S.I.B.E.
I'm not a girl so I can't tell you what they think. I am, however, a self proclaimed expert on many things I know nothing about. That being said, I'm going to assume that whatever I say about women is absolutely true until verified to the contrary.
Remember back when the standard of fineness was to be determined by the phrase "I'd hit that raw." Yep. Pretty reckless, but not nearly as reckless and disgusting as the equivalent statement would be in 2010. As evinced by the amount of baby mama's and high rate of STD's among moderately attractive and ugly women, its obvious niggas are smashing raw with reckless abandon. What then, becomes the quintessential standard of a girl's aesthetic worth?
"She's so fine I'd wife that?"
Nope. This statement is inherently flawed because people wife women for monetary gain, stability, to get some butt-butt and to keep other niggas from smashing. Niggas have be wifing up average chicks since the days of paper food stamps. This cannot be described as a sole correlative cause resulting from her sheer beauty.
"She's so fine I'd shoot a hot one in her."
Getting closer...only problem is, people are shooting hot ones in all types of scantily clad semen mouth skanks in as indiscriminate a manner as MLK at a diversity fest. Next statement please.
Now, let me preface the following by saying that the Notorious B.I.G. once said, "She looks so good, I'd suck on her daddy's di*k". That line was gay as anal Crabs, however, the fat man (no peter griffin) had a point. A females attractiveness should be measured in terms of what ridiculous shit you would willingly do in order to partake in her moo-shoo buffet.
Suckin toes? Easy. Licking butt? Soooooo 2008. Plus Jail niggas do it. LOL.
Oral? What are we in 8th Grade? Anal? Bo-ring. Snow-balling.....ummmmmm....no homo, but now we're talking,
Not only is the shit freaky and embarrassing, its also kinda gay to eat skeet, but not that gay because its your own, and mixed with female slob. We have a winner. This being said the Bros have developed a sliding scale of deplorable behavior which a female could induce one to do if in fact she was "J-lo wearing a Beyonce mask" fine.
Tier one: S.I.B.E
Based on the acronym, these girls would be described as so fine you would "skeet in her butt and eat it." Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!!!???? Yea nigga I said it. Tell me you wouldn't do that if Ciara told you too....I thought so.
Tier 2: S.E.S.I.B.E (Pronounced Seis-Ebay)
Wja3: How the fu*k can there be a tier two after that!!??? That's as reckless as you can get!!
Show: There are 3 tiers WJ-I.Am the 3rd.
Yes that's right folks...the SIBES (not to be confused with SIDA) can be topped...but only by the SESIBES. These are the girls so fine that you would let (or passively ignore the fact) that someone else skeeted in her but and still eat it!!!!!
Tako: Like Eating Mariah's butt after Nick Cannon just smashed. I feel you. He looks clean.
I aint Sesibe-ing a chick after Rick Ross or nothin though...I don't care how fine she is!!!
C4: What about Lauren London after Wayne?
Lefleur: Showrock would do it.
WJA3: this is sooooooo gay.
And... (yes, I know that's not a proper way to start a sentence....its also not proper to be talking about eating skeet out of butts), WJA3 might be right. The aforementioned statements are so flamingly reminiscent of Miss J Alexzander (aka wild homo) that in order for one to make them, a girl has to be fine as vintage wine....Superbad like mclovin....
Do they exist? I'll let you all be the judges. You can lie to your friends, but not to your inner conscience. Fu*ck what you'd do for a Klondike bar, what would you do for Eva Mendez? LOL.
This post is already dead. I'm just trying to think of the female equivalent. Like what do yall say about a guy to judge his fine-ness factor? He's so fine I'd top him off? Bo-ring. Suck his toes? If you're into that.
Guess I'll just have to plant secret mics and see what women say about me when I walk by. Ha!!!!