Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Facebook Divide: 5 types of people to Hate on

Disclaimer: If you laugh its cause we're funny. If you get mad its cause we're talking about you. If you laugh and get mad it means we're talking about you, AND you still have a sense of humor.


Sigh.


People don't care, or care to comment when we discuss pop culture and only want that unabashed nappyheaded viewpoint of things apparently unseen. What I mean by this is that I realize that you, the blog viewership, value my expert opinion on things we all see and are cognisant of, yet which only we can describe in such an eloquently ignorant and excessively reckless matter.




Lately we've been cheating you, in favor of easy posts. Today will be no such day.



The Facebook Divide: Five Types of people to hate on.



Regardless of what sub-group you're in, have once been in, etc. there's no denying that facebook is separated by semi-successful people and non-successful people. Lets be honest, Truly successful people (i.e Doctors and good lawyers) don't really have much time for facebook. They may post pictures of somebody's wedding or a school reunion, but that's it.



Facebook is mainly for people with desk jobs (aka I went to college so I don't have to bust my hump on my feet all day, but I didn't go for anything specialized so I'm not making six figures working 60 hour weeks) and Chickenheads on Blackberrys, Sidekicks and Iphones. Please Include any nigga over age 21 still worried about when the new Jordans come out in the Chickenhead group.



Being of the former category, I hate the fact that no matter how hard I try not to, I automatically judge people on facebook. I Tend to hate on those more successful or with an easier life, and throw up in my mouth reading about the "aint-shit" antics of the Internet savvy hoodrats and trailer-trashers. Case in point, Facebook has turned me into a passive aggressive hater...and these are the people that I, and probably you too, tend to hate on most. SMH.




Vacation Sluts




Tako: Nigga weren't u in Detroit 2 days ago, and aren't you going to Vegas with Lefleur on Thursday?



C4: Word. Nigga went on like 6 Vacations last year. Greece, ATL, Canada, St Thomas, St Martin...


Show: Whatever. I'm just saying. I hate now because I'm broke and can no longer do these things.


C4, Wja3 & Tako: Ahhhhhhhh. It makes sense.



It is difficult to log in, usually FROM WORK, and see pics of moderately out of shape girls in bikinis, drinkin Margaritas and talking about how much fun they're having. Sheiiiiit. I wanna have fun too. I want to hook up with morally lose women and kick them out in the morning. I want to terrorize my liver and soil hotel linen with the smell of booze and hot sex with strangers. I want to lay on the beach...but no....here I am working, paying bills and handling this dumb ass piece of paper called a mortgage.



God forbid you run into a vacation whore who still lives at home with their mama!!! That will really get me worked up. I refuse to be a crab in the bucket though. Yall do you and I'll do me. Just remember, Ill be the one taking your wife on vacation with my 401K money while you die of cancer from sun-taning or catch AIDS from the nig*a you boned in Miami. Hate, Hate, Hate (Lefleur voice. ) LOL.



The male equivalent: Brothas living at home with 50,000 cars and or money to pop bottles and go HAM!!!!


Lefleur: Sounds like summer of 2006!!!


Lifetime Students:






C4: Nigga you were in this category a while ago.


Show: Yea, but now I'm broke paying back those Loans. Smh.



These are the worst. I know I can get some collective hate to back me up on this. Nobody gives a fu*k about your midterm, or how many papers you have to write...nigga you're 30!!! Get a fu*king job. Knowledge is power but goddamned....you must be looking like 50-Cent right now (pause)!!!!



Boo hoo hooo, my life is so hard. I wake up at 11:00 everyday and go to the library. I have to sit through so and so's 3 hour class. I have migraines from studying. Eat a dick. How about you try these things called "working," "not living at home" and "paying bills." I'm not even bringing the issue of raising kids into play, cause I have no desire to do that shit either. thats why I leave them with their Baby moms and refuse to call. KIDDING. F**ked up part is, I know a lot of dudes read that and were like "Word!!! I hear that." Yall aint shit.



Chickenheads





If your status starts with "not enough niggas out there take care of their kids when they have a good woman...." or "niggas aint shit" then you are broadcasting your business to the social world in the most chickenhead-est of fashions.


If your status is a rap quote about "gettin paper", "stackin paper" or avoiding "haters," you are in this group, or dangerously close to falling into it.



If you only upload pictures of you taken by club photographers, put your sonogram on FB, or have a Heiny, Henny 'Rona (Lloyd Banks Voice) in every picture...then this one's for you (old Budweiser commercial voice.)



I don't go in on the chickenheads too much cause I like them, even though I may hate. Its a guilty pleasure I guess.

Church folk



Please just cut it out.

No facebooking in church.


The Lord is not on the internet.



You cant be talking shit about someone one post, and then directly below it say "Glad to be blessed this morning," yada yada. God don't like ugly, and yall are looking like Seal!!!!!

P.S. I never understood the "No Do-Rags in the Lord's house thing." What? You can't look fly for God? Nevertheless, I digress....



Nah, scratch that. What yall are doing is wrong... God don't like ugly and yall are lookin like T.I.'s wife!!! I know, Im going to hell.


Hate, hate, hate.


Heart on my sleevers



Oh Puh-leaseeee [sic]. Romeo and Hoochie-ette. Just cut the shit.



Quit trying to be deep (no homo). How about you go talk to each other instead of texting and posting eternal love and undying emotion on the Internet. Yes Im recently broken up and am a bit biased. Not to say misery loves company, but its getting might lonely in this bitch!!! JK.


I even hated that shit when I had a wifey. Not to be confused with Khack who is "the wife." Major Fish hop.



Walking down the street holding hands? thats cool. But this shit right here nicca??? This is the equivalent of rolling down the street on a skateboard 69-ing each other. its disgusting and we don't care to see it. Hmmmmph. (Hands on hips, no homo. LMAO)



That's all I got for vol.1 . Stay tuned later this week for more hate.



I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball.



---Senior Frog (Cuz it's my blog)

6 comments:

khaki la'docker said...

and this is why i dont do the Facebook thing anymore though i do love to read some of the good ole chickenhead posts... which are usually angry or trying to be "deep" with misspelled words or shit sp3ll3d l!k3 th!$. :sigh:

Great post as always my love. <--- i rocks this heart on my sleeve :)

birdie said...

I’d like to say I’m over facebook, but I’m not. I still love it. I love to watch relationships unravel, I love the ‘deep thoughts’ from the dude that’s been a undergrad for 7 years, and mostly I love gloating about my terrific job (not THAT terrific because if it was I wouldn’t have time to be on facebook, right?) to the girls with 4 kids posting about how long the line is in the WIC office.

MW said...

Oh, I do despise the church folk. I have pretty much hidden everyone who mentions Jesus or blessings at least every other post. No thank you, I say.

There are plenty of other types to hate on:

The Archivist/Surprise Tagger who finds the worst fucking photos of you from 1997 and tags the hell out of them.

The Game Player who invites you to fight every member of vampire mafia on their farmyard-turned-pet-restaurant and inundates your feed with suchlike junk.

The Eeyore, a melancholy cousin to the Heart-on-my-Sleevers, who has nothing to do but "sigh" every six posts and let the Facebook world know what a troubled and taxing existence they meander through.

The Commenters-Who-Don't Actually: smdh. LOL!! (Enough said? Hardly. Fucking type a sentiment, jerkass. LOL is and never will be an appropriate response unless you actually record your merriment and play it for me. Fuck you, LOLers.)

...I'm sure there are more. And I'm sure I fit one category that's hated upon! But it's not the Serial Misspellers, thank the Jesuses above, oh thank you for this beautiful day!

In short: MW likes this.

Alovelydai said...

Just posted this to my FB page while I sit at my desk job hating!

Rock said...

@ Alovelydai : I love it!!!

Friend me so I can fill your friends update with tomfoolery.

just type Showrocka. There's only 1 me.

IceQueen said...

Great blog.

Yes the heart on the sleevers get on my damn nerves if you so in love why not write love notes to each other or private message.
No these numbnuts have to broadcast how in love they are on eachothers wall
*pass me the sick bucket*....If any future man of mine does this he is getting dumped real quick.

Then you have the people who update their status every two minutes...trying to create a picture that their life is so interesting and busy. If you busy why you on Fb morning, noon and night....

Fb has created a society of attention seeking narcissists.