Monday, May 10, 2010

Dear Erykah Badu

On behalf of the NappyHeadedBros, I would like to issue an official NappyHeaded Apology to you, Ms. Badu. Usually we save up all of our errors and omissions and put them in one annual post, but this particular misstep requires personal attention, because we sincerely feel like we have misjudged you somewhat.

Since I know you are an avid reader of this blog, Ms. Badu, I'm sure you will remember that in our infancy, before we were even two weeks old, we felt that our NappyHeaded Britches were big enough to revoke your hood pass.

This was clearly a mistake, though at the time it felt justified. I realize now, Ms. Badu, that we simply were mistaken, and had underestimated your sheer genius and wisdom, which only became clear to me after watching the music video for "Window Seat." For the few who haven't heard the buzz, here you go:

After wiping up the saliva from my floor and changing my newly white-stained pants, I sat and thought reflectively about what I had just witnessed.

D-D-D-D-D-D-DAMN!!!! Erykah, do you mean to tell me that you have been keeping a certified DONK of epic proportions hidden beneath your loosely-flowing garb for over a decade, unbeknownst to the vast majority of your fans? Do you mean to tell me that this Weapon of Mass Seduction was basically in your back pocket, like a special finishing move of a video game character? Do you mean to tell me that you could have been using the power of your posterior to reel in a male fanbase, yet decided to let your music do the talking for you? If this is what you mean to tell me, then I am truly flabbergasted, taken aback, stunned, and IMPRESSED.

So many things make so much more sense now that you have revealed this gyrating gem to the public. Last year, we criticized you for being a hoe, which if you consider the fact that you got three kids by three different types of rapper baby daddies, seems like a safe bet judgment. However, in light of DAT ASS, I see things differently.

First I realize that while staring at her ass I've been listening to a really good song for five minutes. Ms. Badu is making extremely good music right now, and that y'all need to get up on the new album if you haven't already. New Amerykah Part 2 is DOPE. It's funky. It's actual R&B, not some BS sing-rapping that R. Kelly started and Trey Songz is continuing to make money from.

We always knew there was something in the Badu-pussy that makes niggas go crazy. We have speculated that it must be the Snapple-Nappy Dugout (made from the best stuff on Earth). But now we know that she also possesses bombastic booty to boast alongside her punani power. For when we look at Erykah Badu normally, we see this:

They see this:

The result is a nigga goes from this...
To this...

Is there any wonder that musicians love her? Maybe Common isn't the smart one. I mean, he is doing a basketball movie with Queen Latifah after all, but more on that later this week.

You could be running around with the likes of a balding obnoxious producer who always puts himself on the hook to every beat he makes and beats a style to death before changing it up and beating a new style past death. But I won't say anything about Alicia Keys OR Swizz Beatz today. You also could be one Weezy's 19,000 baby mamas, but you're not. You're an individual, Ms. Badu.

We must appreciate the quality of rapper whose seed gets planted in the Garden of Badu. Jay Electronica is finally becoming more known to the public, and what the public is realizing is that that nigga can SPIT. He's naaaaaaasty. They have a son. Andre 3000 is a legend, no need to dwell there. If we know anything about The D.O.C., we know that "No One Can Do It Better." Also we can't forget about the car accident that he suffered that took away his voice so he has to talk on one of those electronic smoker-lung joints. Quite frankly if you can pull a celebrity woman and put a seed in her while spitting your game through one of those then truly you must be a certified mack.

But think about it. All of these guys have combined their creative lyricist genes with her exceptional musical genes to produce a combined two sons and a daughter. That's a band of legend-spawn. They could combine their forces or have great solo careers. Either way, the next generation of music is taken care of. Thanks to Erykah Badu, our kids will have someone to listen to long after Lil Wayne dies of a sizzurp overdose (yeeeeah I said it!). She is a selfless public servant who may have used her vagina to save the future of black music. For this, Ms. Badu, I salute you.

Your music is dope, your culo is tremendo, and your choice in father of child, while eclectic, is of high quality. Erykah Badu, your hood pass is hereby reinstated by the NappyHeadedBros.


C4 2 Ya Door

PS: My number is....


Akira said...

I enjoyed this post. Just felt it was a bit late. Like a boondocks episode. Poignant, witty, yet the timing is all off.

Anonymous said...

Two words: Outta Control

Nah, I love this post.. I never knew Badu had a set of cheeks on her!! Damn...I'm jealous!!

khaki la'docker said...

thought I was the only one that noticed her booty. I have to agree- I loved this post.

Rock said...

Khaki, you are so Gay.

khaki la'docker said...

@ Rock- you've known that since April 1st????