Everybody who knows Rocka, knows that aside from being an Asshole and likable individual with a penchant for Jesus Pieces, he was also a Spanish Major. Back before I joined the Nappyheaded crew, Rock did a post last year for cinco de mayo. It's such a good post that We are going to re-post it. What? You callin us too lazy to write a new post?
Well guess what... we'd rather be drinkin margaritas than pissing people off in literary form!
Kidding. We'd much rather be assholes.
Now that that's out of the way, I'm gonna give my take on this Mexican holiday while incorporating Show's old post.
See....I've made something old new. Just like you did when you wifed up so and so's baby mama. Sucker!!! hahaha.
Cinco de Mayweather
Wja3: Mayweather had the most coonish entrance to the ring in his fight last weekend that I've ever seen in life!!!
Excerpt from News Article:
Unbeaten Floyd Mayweather (41-0, 25 knockouts) entered the ring for Saturday night's unanimous decision victory over Shane Mosley (46-6, 39 KOs) with a lot of style. Mayweather was preceded by the original O'Jays singing "For The Love Of Money," a money-throwing Elvis, a showgirl on stilts, mock cash flying into the stands and loud, gunshot sound effects.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. also wore a red leather and black mink robe and trunks. FanHouse asked Floyd Mayweather Sr. what he thought of his son's entrance.
Show: You know it's ba when your parents think your acting foolish. Clowns on stilts making it rain?? The OJays in the ring? C'mon son!!!!!
Tako: Is everyoe forgetting that last years spectacle was a gazillion times worse. Remember? He came out in a sombrero on Cinco de Mayo to Fight De la Hoya...He even had 50 Cent rocking a mexican colored bullet proof vest!!!!
Show: This coon right here....
C4: Yep. Thats definitely worse.
Anyways, I'm sure Mexicans dont appreciate this just like they dont appreciate white people acting like Sean Coonerys (A-2K 10 voice) on the 5th of may. Thats right, even we blackanese know cinco means Five, not just Chad Johnson's new name.
In the words of Rock, 2009:
"I find it necessary to say that if I was indeed Mexican, I would F**k up all you gringos for bastardizing my holiday. As a Hispanic studies major I happen to know a few things (other than how to spit game in spanish). Cinco de Mayo is SUPPOSED to represent the victory of General Ignacio Zaragoza and his rag-tag soldiers victory over the French at the battle of Puebla in 1862. This Battle soon became known and referred to as Cinco de Mayo. Mexican Independence was achieved (or at least declared) back on September 16 1810, a date on which real Mexicans celebrate and refer to as "el Grito de Independencia." Get it right. Assholes."
And just so you don't think Taka Flacka Flame and my boy show are going soft (PAUSE), lets get to the real reason we celebrate. To answer this question...
Hit it show....
"Why do Mexican women always tend to have extremely flat asses? Is this similar to the phenomenon where dogs start to look like their owners? I may be tempted to do a scientific study on whether there is a statistical correlation between rolling flour tortillas and your butt starting to look like one. Maybe I can even use this 'science' as an excuse to turn some hot little Mexican mouths into petry dishes...If you know what I'm saying. I know one thing, however....I'd much rather have sex with a Mexican housewife than a corn tortilla. I'm just saying...."
And in closing, I give you Jerry Rocka-Springer's Final Tortilla encrusted thought
"At the risk of ranting and raving too much about the mexican raza, i will say a few things in closing. For a culture which seems to degrade and belittle Mexicans all year round, it seems awfully odd and somewhat paradoxical that we decide to embrace and emulate them on this one day of the year.
While Mexicans like Coronas and Margaritas as much as the next man, I highly doubt they appreciate us dressing up like mariachi bands and acting like fools. While I am sure that many see this as good, clean fun, i beg you all to view it from the other side; endless ebbs and flows of scantily clad white girls screaming in pidgin spanglish would get annoying quite quick if you suddenly realized that they would never sleep with you because you are Mexican...like their nanny or maid. I urge you all to watch a Day without a Mexican (excellent film) and to also visit the website "Mexican Lust" (not from work though!!! Its an Adult Site.) I kid you not, if you have ever doubted the validity of hot Mexican Aztec goddesses you will quickly recant and apologize.
Dayyyyum she's thicker than some Nigerian hair dipped in gravy. I needs that [sic]!!!
Anyone know where I can "eat" some authentic Mexican today? I'll even settle for a place with good fish tacos. Just make the Margaritas Strong. LOL.