As always, it's a tough time right now to be a black woman. The Oppression Scale of my beautiful black queen is near the top of the list, just behind women living in extreme Muslim sects and ALL the Native Americans (North & South included). So in 2010, when an admirable black woman is First Lady of the United States and Mo'Nique (of all people) has won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, the black woman is again under fire.
Why, you ask?
Because VH1 is actively and convincingly encouraging the only activity that pisses off black chicks more than getting hosed down immediately following an 8-hour session at the hair salon. That's right. VH1 is strongly encouraging black men to date outside the race, using its new Sunday Night programming between 10-11pm.
Back to back crushing blows are delivered to black women's desirability and collective self esteem, tastelessly an mercilessly, like Floyd Mayweather did to Shane Mosley in the final 10 rounds of Saturday's fight (and to Chilli's self-esteem. More on this later).
10pm: Basketball Wives
A gaggle of gold-diggers flock together for the purpose of squawking at each other, gossiping about each other, and engaging in all types of trifling activity while accusing everyone else of being even more trifling.
They dress like amateur escorts about to hit the club on a Rich Penis Mission regardless of the time of day or activity in which they are engaging. They socialize with other women they hate, go clubbing with them to confront groupies, only further stirring the pot of paranoia around being the trophy of some NBA player who is constantly on the road getting pussy thrown to him like a crisp chest pass.
This money-grubbing moral-deficient menagerie includes all types of chickenheads, one NBA team dancer (who everyone hates on cuz she fucks players, sees them more often than the wives do and has juicy info they're dying to get), and one viciously scorned ex-wife with vengeance on the brain: Shaunie O'Neal, formerly Mrs. Shaq.
(sidenote: preemptive pause here, but I'd be scorned too if I let the Shaq dick inside me for six kids worth of sex and then find out he's been sleeping around. She's ruined. Her vagina sags now like sleeve of wizard. You could probably store condiments in that thing. No one is gonna wanna hit that now. Ulgxh! She's pissed! Of course, if snitching-ass Kobe had just shut the F up none of this would have happened. But back to the topic...)
The one chick who is married to some bum off the bench and always yapping about how she's gonna leave him, and "I'm not ready to serve him with papers YET" just went shopping for a house with son on the last episode like that's gonna fix things. Soooo many things wrong there!
They go to Matt Barnes' crib with his wife and try to fuck up his marriage by asking son who all is faithful to their wives on his team, what has he seen. That crazy ninja held strong and Stopped Snitchin' like Carmelo would approve, but what the hell is that?! How do you go to someone's house and violate them over dinner like that? Who is that okay for? Chickenheads who no one loves, that's who.
"Stop Snitchin. Bitch."
And yeah, all the chicks in the cast are black, except for one plastic surgery catastrophe of a Dominican, aka black people in denial. Does this portrayal make me want to go out and meet a black woman to date? Hellz no! This makes me want to settle down with a nice Asian lady.
10:30 - What Chilli Wants
I always liked Chilli. Everyone did. How can you not? She's the dark sexy member of TLC who we all grew up with. But then she decides to have a show about how she can't find a good man, only for us to find out that she's a shallow delusional narcissist with unrealistic expectations and low tolerance for anything outside of her dream window. In case you're unfamiliar, the Chilli Checklist is as follows. Her man must:
Have six-pack abs
Have a big dick
Live in Atlanta
Hahahahahahaha! She wildin! Where in the world at all are 10 guys who meet ALL those criteria, and will still connect with her romantically? Every episode some perfectly acceptable individual tries to woo her to no avail at all, because she thinks she can customize niggas like a new car.
Bitch you 40!!! Is a man with ALL those things going for him, going to want to settle down with a cougar with a middle-school aged son? Highly unlikely. The one dude she gave play to, Floyd Mayweather, dissed her so hard it was hilarious. Straight stood he up at dinner. On national TV. That's what niggas with everything going for them do, because they can get away with it. Kind of like their 20y/o female counterparts who end up with NBA players. It's a vicious cycle.
And this is a problem a lot of women have (more on this in another post). You can't have EVERYTHING. There are only so many NBA players, so many "ideal" men (who aren't NappyHeadedBros, ahem). Get YO shit together, and things might work out a little better.
I would never date a black woman again if it were up to these two shows to shape my whole opinion. I bet some white dudes left their black girlfriends after catching an episode or two. Me and Jazzy Jen are having problems because of this! (j/k on the last part)
VH1 Sunday Nights at 10: Makes Brothers Run and Hide!
Once More 2 Ya Door,