Thursday, April 15, 2010

Shouldn't have left your phone around!!!!!!!!!!!!(Hep-C, AIDS or Scabies--Lloyd Banks Voice)

I want to give a big welcome to all the sexy new female blog viewers leaving comments and shit, and a resounding what's up (no homo) to all the fellas checkin our site.

C4: I thought we suspended your "no homo" usage privileges because you COMPLETELY OD on the shit.

Wja3: Word.

Tako: Leave Mr. Rock-Cocaine alone.


For those of you new to the blog, we are complete opinionated assholes, but the good part is, we constantly blog about ourselves in asshole fashion, and don't discriminate against any particular race, religion or creed. Before anyone calls me a hypocrite I would like to say that "Fat" is not a race, religion or creed. LOL. I love fat (whispers: Spanish) girls fat dudes, eh....I just think they're lazy.

C4: This is true. I used to be chubby, now I am not. Case in point.

Agreed. Now onto the good shit.

Showrocka & the Bros Present...Shouldn't have left your phone around!!!!

All of us Bros having i-phones is both a gift and a curse. We never have to worry about there not being a charger, but we often "Accidentally" pick up each others phones.

The best part about this, is that I-phone has a nice "screen shot capture" capability, meaning you can take a picture of absolutely anything on your iphone screen and email it to yourself before your nappyheaded Bro realizes you just went through his phone. Fun times.

C4: For instance....I stole this from Rocka's phone yesterday. His Grocery shopping list. COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL!!! FYI, this list wasn't fabricated for humor's sake....I wish it was.

Tako: Bout time Rock gets blogged. He's always talkin shit about everybody else.

Show: Ohhhhhhhhhh. Well guess what I found in Tako's phone....(insert Ominous music.)

C4: Oh do tell....

Show: Two words....Skin Ailment....

Tako: Oh shit, can't blog that.

C4: OK Rocka, fuck Tako. You can post it....BUT, the small caveat is that Tako gets to blog your tranny story tomorrow.

Show: From Mexico!!?? That was a Hermaphrodite son, not a tranny!!!

C4: No. From the Club on New Years....

Show: Ohhhhhhhh. (Hides head in shame.) OK, deal.

So from what I was able to ascertain from the text convo, Tako's 22 year old ass almost got himself into the over under club by smashing a 39 year old (Khaki, you stay out of this :) ) . I guess Blackanese men are good cougar bait, who knew....

Tako: You are such a Dick.

Show: Shouldnt leave your phone around assholes.

So after leaving the club, Tako hits up his 40 year old sugar mama, who probably shouldn't even be talking to his jailbait ass. Nevertheless, texting at 4:00 am is acceptable...calling? Eh...not so much.

She texts back.....says shes still up (she is used to working third shift), and she is both typsy and horny.

C4: Blame it on the Goose!!!!!

He gets to the house, sips on an Amstel light...

Wja3: Booooooooooooo !!!

and proceeds to get a tour of said "single woman at 40 years old"'s condo....Niceeeeeee (Fab voice.)

Next thing you know, they move to the bed to get more comfortable, and she strips down to her not yet sticky vickies. Tak proceeds to get a little Becky (fellatio, for you college kids) and while doing that Japanese "wax on, wax off "shit on her back, he feels some scabs.....WTF!!!

WJA3: Scabies!!!!!

C4: Baltimore Heroin-Super AIDS!!!

Show: African Booty Scratchin Butt Crabs!!!

Tako: Shut up...But Yea man, shit was gross. I tried to touch her elsewhere, but they were a Lepur. I didn't know what to do. SO i just smashed from on top so i wouldn't have to touch / catch it....then peaced out. I was already mid Becky. I had committed. Couldn't just leave.

Show & C4: LMAO!!!!!

Show: Look at his text the next day, trying to figure out if they were AIDS wounds on the Low!!!!

C4: You aint right rock.....

WJA3: That was sooooooooooo not smooth Tako. Not even a little. I see what you were trying to do.

C4: How do you have psoriasis and a.) not tell people, and b.) not know how to spell it !!!

Show: Psoriasis is a common skin condition that causes skin redness and
irritation. Most persons with psoriasis have thick, red skin with
flaky, silver-white patches called scales. LMAO. (Lavar Burton from Reading Rainbow Voice. LOL.) Jk. At least your were never in danger and all parties are healthy.

...and here's the next text...I know he's gonna get my ass tomorrow, but this is too funny.

C4: Not acceptable for a 40 year old to be sending that!!! Funny though.

Wja3: Hilarious!!!!!!

Show: I'm so done tomorrow.....

C4: Good work. LOL.

Tako: Yea you are son done!! You better hope I don't think of anything worse than the tranny story. This means war Black Kevin!!!!!!

Show: Shit.

--The Bros

Special snooping skills courtesy of Showrocka the Black Kevin Costner


Epitome said...

Shoutout to Khaki for turning me on to yalls (scuse the yall...I'm southern) blog. This shit just made my AM. Got me at work sniggle as sniggling lol. Its like being a fly on the wall at a mens roundtable meeting.

MW said...

...You actually wrote "no homo" on a note to self? Jesus Christ.

P.S. Thanks for the screen shot tip: Now I can save all those dirty photos I browse on my iPod at work!

Alovelydai said...

Yeah...good lookin Khaki.

Let the "tranny tale" commence...

khaki la'docker said...

So, yeah I need to hear about this tranny story... :raised eyebrow:... I keep saying to myself "khaki, something just aint right with this dude". Please do tell.

Moving on... @tako Aside from the "scales" :shivers:, was the sex really good?

@epitome and Dai -hey girlies!!!! told you these fools were crazy.

A2K-10 Virus said...

"She smashed the homies."

In this quote being my theme for the rest of the spring term

The A2K-10 Virus
-Spreadin to the Federal Department of Corrections in Philadelphia this July

GG said...

Why do younger men date older women? Did Tako learn anything from the experience? Did the other bros learn anything? When I was 40 I dated a 19 year old “straight hair” nigga. I asked him why he was with me, did he think I could teach him a thing or two, he said no, he just wanted to F (he spelt the word, out of respect to my age) someone older than his mother, and if I could cook he’d stay with me. Did I learn anything from that experience, NO. I still can’t cook and I moved up a notch or two. Tako, go back for more. (looking forward to the tranny story, I'll be thinking about you all night.)

Tako said...

I mean, it was cool. Surprisingly moist given how long the cake was in the oven, so to speak. I didn't bust too fast cuz it was hard to stay hard thinking about the scales. Yuck...

Epiphany said...

...that grocery list lls.

The story with the 40yo was kinda no comment :)