Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Night of the Lifting Douche

The time is 11:40pm and I have just been rescued by the 3 Train at Time Square, to whom I can feel but only so grateful since it's running on the local track and had me waiting 15 minutes for it. Yet I still count my blessings because the 1-2-3 Train platform was so ridiculous tonight.

The number one reason for this was the trio of brolic Negros in extra smedium shirts.....correction. Two were in extra smedium shirts, one was shirtless.

Show: No homo!

Indeed. What was the brolic nigga coalition up to at 11:30pm Friday night, you wonder? What train were they waiting for, you ask? They awaited no train at all. These niggas were working out. Yeah. Working out. On the subway platform at Time Fucking Square, 30 minutes to midnight. With resistance bands. Yes. These coons are doing curls, back flys, rows, and of course pull-ups, assisted by their bands and the architecture of the subway.

How corny are these niggas??!!!

WJA3: C4 mad he never got that six-pack.

Show: aaaaahhaaaaa!
C4: Shut up!

Seriously though. Look I ain't hating on the fact that y'all in shape. I'm hating on the shameless, unabashed and downright pathetic act that says, "Look at me guys! Hey look at me! I work out! I'm fucking cool! I'm not empty inside! I'm not shallow, insecure, overcompensating, or attention-starved. My dick is longer than three inches! I have a personality! For realsies though! See? I've got tattoos! They're EDGY! I was never bullied as a kid. No one called me fat or ugly! See? Resistance bands!!!"

Nigga please.

And on top of all that, they got the train platform smelling musky as FUCK! The last thing I want to be exposed to at the end of a long day is the inescapable aroma of man-funk. It's disgusting.

Look man. If you're not trying to attract attention, you don't work out at the busiest location in the USA for everyone to see. You do it at home, or at a gym, in the morning, afternoon or evening, and then you put on nice clothes and you go out on the town at 11:30. This approach is so bassackwards.

Is this how these dudes get bitches? Is this they're strongest attempt? Does it work for them? Is this what makes them feel good and sleep well at night? Is this why they only hang around equally insecure brolic niggas? Does someone need to found the Insecure Brolic Nigga Alliance, or IBNA? Will IBNA sponsor the Hug A Brolic Nigga Walk in honor of brolic niggas who lack affection? Will fat people boycott the event? Will confident fat people laugh at them? All these questions haunt my mind.


And of course all this takes place while in the foreground a hippy middle-aged white woman plays "Natural Woman" and "Midnight Train To Georgia." And the cheap douchebag Indian tourists keep requesting Frank Sinatra, take turns taking pictures with her as she plays and tries to make money, but neglect to drop any money in her guitar case. Don't those bastards believe in Karma??? Must be Muslim. And you know how the Muslims roll in NYC.

Ah New York. Well peace out Nappy Friends. I'm approaching my stop to meet my homeboys Smirnoff, Merlot and Heineken.

Ya Dig?!

Show: Nah nigga I don't dig! Speaking of being in shape... Ain't you supposed to have a tat by now?

C4: No, cuz you didn't record those tracks.

Tako: Yall failures.

WJA3: Sounds like a cop-out to me.

Tako: You should finish what you started.

Show: Pusssaaayyyy!!!

C4: Aight I see y'all. Fine. F*&# it. I will.

Show: Sucka.

C4: Nah son. I'll be realistic this time. 90 days from my birthday on Saturday.

WJA3: Shameless plug!

Show: We po'in it up!!! Aight bet. No six pack by July 24th, you getting the logo tatted to your foot.

C4: Wait that's crazy.

Show: You agreed on six weeks last time!!!

C4: Nah nigga my terms. I'm fatter for this bet. 90 to a four-pack for the 5'7" 180lb Bro.

WJA3: I'll take those odds.

Show: Aiiiiiight!

C4: Victory shall be mine...

(the rest snicker)

-Nappyheaded Bros


Alovelydai said...

Hate to be whoever had to research the pics for this piece...smh...homo indeed.

Rock said...

I'm a gym rat and still hate these brolic roid raged non-nigga niggas, lifting in jeans and ed hardy hats.

I can run pretty fast, does that mean I should go running through the mall? Subway Station? get on the treadmill in Prada sneaks or Timbs? No.

Just because you can do something doesnt mean you should.

Aint this Gorilla Unit niggas heard that lean is in? I heard the Situation say it on Jersey shore...I'm stickin with that.

A2K-10 Virus said...

Now when you say "Brolic," are your referring to the character, "Broli" from Dragon Ball Z?

Also, since everyone and they grandmas have given me their opinions on what laptop I should purchase, do any of you nappy headed play cousins have any suggestions? (and NO I don't mess with aPPLE)

Need something that will get me through med school, japanese manga & anime, music, and 15 in screen

Sorry for using the blog for my own personal devices.

A2K-10 Virus

slim said...

C4....just avoid those upper thigh tattoos.....sorry 'knee tats that don't touch the knee'.......