Friday, April 23, 2010

The Face Guy Diet aka Show, put a Shirt on!!

Show: Someone called me a coon yesterday and accused me of being Misogynistic, possibly not liking girls and being an overall cancer on the minds of those who read this blog.

C4: So.

Show: Word.

Show: I do think they had a point in stating that sometimes the blog get redundant. Not that its our fault that our coon friends keep doing coon things.

C4: LOL. What's your solution? Please dont say more black militant posts or Anne Frank the Stripper Diaries....You're gonna get us killed. Remember the death threat?

Show: Nah. I just want to educate a little. I do have a few masters degrees....

C4: Show off....I've got one too. Ass.

Show: Yes nigga, and 2 is more than 1. Plus I'm in better shape and want to talk about health.

Tako: Make it do what it do daddy-o.

The Faceguy Diet: Showrock' Guide to a leaner, sexier you

Back in like 1910 when I was the president of a frat, doing shit like this everyday....

My brother Caveman and I used to call ourselves the Face-guys...actually, we still call ourselves that.What that meant, essentially, was that we were the "faces" of the fraternity...the guys you wanted to represent the entire 56 or so members as liaisons to the outside world. It just so happens that we were so vain that there were only 2 of us. LOL.

About a year ago, however, after many long nights of binge drinking and cheesteak hoagies, I came up with the following diet after fellow brother Slim Jones, see: Mr. Jew-Latto, said the following:

"Hey know when you're body gets old and fat, so does your face. Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

To him I say, I've rebuilt my glass house and am back to throwing stones.

Follow my Advice and you can too.

The Diet

In an attempt to make diet and exercise as painless and autonomic as possible, the following acronym was created as a short, easy to remember cliff-note for preparing healthy yet savory meals which appeal to the inherent epicurean nature of us all. All you have to do is eat 6-7 small meals a day, exercise and of course….look good and smile for the f**king camera.

F-A-C-E-G-U-Y-S = Complete, Unadulterated Sexiness

Fresh Fruits and vegetables

All lean meats and proteins

California Rolls (And Creatine if performing an intense workout regimen)

Eggs (when cooking, however, use olive oil & lay off the butter)

Guinness (Yes Guinness! 126 Calories/ 10g of Carbs make this as healthy as any light beer & more filling. Substitute Amstel /Bud light or a Vodka-club if Guinness isn’t available.)

Unsweetened Oatmeal (add apples or strawberries for taste and if you must cheat, sweetened oatmeal is not so bad.)

Yellow Rice and beans (in moderation this delicious meal should prove pleasing to the gustatory senses while offering both protein and fiber.)

Salads, Shakes, Spinach and Sushi (The “S” Category, like S-Rocka, can be seen as the perfect package, offering creative ideas for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks and most importantly, nights out on the town. Also, Shakes means protein shakes not 7-11 Slurpees (nice try).

Unlike most diets which focus on counting and restricting calorie intake, or punishing oneself all week only to have a “free day” of binge eating, the FG Diet focuses on practical ways to incorporate healthy eating into ones daily routine. Lets Face it (no pun intended), Face guys like to eat, drink, party and engage in copulatory behavior (which, might I add, is extra exercise).

Provided above, is a no fail dietary plan for producing a leaner, healthier you, without slowing down your lifestyle. Exercise 4/7 days of the week and you are on your way to Faceguydom. Included below are sample shopping lists and work-out plans to help you get a jump-start on your new healthy lifestyle. Eat good. Feel good. Look F**kin great. FG’s!

The Foods

Dinners: Salmon, London broil, Chicken Salad, Soup, Whole wheat spaghetti

Lunches: Salad, Rice and Beans, Open Faced Sandwich (1 slice bread), Soup, Tuna

Breakfast: Kashi Grain Cereal, Oatmeal w/ fruit, Eggs, Yogurt, Snickers Marathon Bar, Toast

Snacks: V-8 Juice, Seaweed Salad, California Rolls, Fruit, Low Fat Yogurt, Protein bar or Shake, Raw broccoli with homemade low-fat cheese & Spinach Dip, Reduced Fat Triscits.


The Exercise

Do whatever you want, just do it hard. Don't jog, that's bitch shit, and fellas...stay your gay asses off the elliptical.

I suggest for those looking to be lean, running 3 X a week and lifting 2 x. On lifting days do a full body workout (1 -2 leg exercises, 1 chest, 1 shoulder, 1 back, 1 Bicep/ triceps combo.)

For those looking for more bulk, lift 3-4 times a week and run on the same days.

The aforementioned plan is designed as a template & not the Gospel; feel free to alter and make it your own. The FG Diet:“ You’ll look so good you’ll have to start charging!”.

Fat Rocka: 3/2010

Fit Rocka 4/2010

Wja3: Put a shirt on.

Tako: Nigga never got a shirt least he kept it 100 tho, and never wore a shirt even when he was fat.

C4: Man-orexic bitch.

-The Bros.


khaki la'docker said...

Im a supportive wife and all buutttt I'd prefer the cooning- please and thank you.

Rock said...

Look now, Don't you be stopping me from helping my beautiful black people live longer, healthier lives, thereby giving them more time and opportunity to persue white and spanish women! LOL.

khaki la'docker said...

Okay, that was too much ignorance

Epiphany said...

Omg, guinness is the worst fucking beer ever!!!!! excuse my language, but it's truth :).

on another note, good post. more afro-americans need to change their diets anyway.