Monday, April 19, 2010

Dear Facebook

Dear Facebook....

Last week I posted something basically saying, "Dear Facebook, thank you for letting me know that half the girls I think are sexy cannot spell." LMAO.

Sure I got a lot of heat for posting such a brash, brazen and bold statement, but in the end...bitches couldn't really hate, because it was true. Now don't get me wrong, I know a lot of people spell things wrong for convenience (for example: B4 is easier to type than before. Less makes sense.)

Other things, however, end up getting typed wrong simply because of stupid glitches like the iphone's auto correct, which for some reason thinks that the word "every" when spelled wrong, should be "euthanasia." Really? Who the fuck is talking about euthanasia in a text. Like your gonna send some shit like that in a casual message..."Brb, gotta handle this euthanasia for Grandma. No, really LOL. "

Either way, both these instances represent cases in which improper spelling and grammar are OK. The following cases, are instances where the guilty facebooker should be beaten in the head with a sticky, semen soaked keyboard and forced to go back and get their GED.

Case Study # 1:

"I wonder if he noes i care?.. if he noes dat every move he makes affects me.

C4: No, No, No!!!!!

Show: No homo. Cause that was the name of a Destiny's child Song.

Wja3: Shut up with this no homo business. This is baaaaaaad though.

C4: Knos would have even been acceptable. This makes it sounds like the nigga's gonna smell you...on some olfactory shit. Knows is only 5 letters. If you're gonna type 4 to create such an atrocity why not add the 5th and make it right?

Tako: If they knew better they'd do better.

Case Study # 2:

I said what I had to say and that's that. If you have any comments come front me... don't need to ask others.......

Show: Shouldn't it be "no need to ask others?"

C4: That's really what you're gonna identify as wrong? "Come front me? " Really?

Show: Sounds like your about to drop her off a package of work....Front her a few kilos son. LOL.

WJA3: I am literally shaking my head. Lets boycott 106 and park until people can read and write correctly.

Show: All these status updates were from just one day....and all involved people over 18. LOL.

Case Study # 3:

I knew I shouldn't have had that milkshake. I'm Lactoste and Tolerant.

Show: LOL.

C4: Oh man. This is classic. Like when shawty ordered the "Jah-lop-a-know"(jalapeno) poppers at Fridays.

Show: Or when the girl with Lefleur tried to order Molson XXX malt liquor at a restaurant, then told him him to park around the block from her house cause her crazy ex-bf still had a key. LOL.

Wja3: Yall are crazy.

Hope you all had fun at other peoples expense. I've got some Tomfoolery for ya tomorrow based on my last day bouncing at the bar and a weekend returning to my Frat house in Philly.

Oh yea, the moral of the post....

Dear facebook...

I know its been a rocky relationship and you've led others to believe I am a man-whore based on the amount of women commenting on my page, but in the end, I think you've done more good than harm. You've kept me connected to old friends and girls who used to be ugly but are now fine as contract print, while also letting me know (via the photos section) that many of the girls I had dreams of settling down with are just Miami and Myrtle Beach bound, club hopping chickenheads.

You've taught me that bad bitches can't spell....

You've taught me that hood chicks like to take pictures of themselves in front of the mirror holding the cellphone camera above their head.....poking their butt out, of course.

You've taught me that "it's complicated" means "I have a baby's daddy, boyfriend in jail or live with a nigga..."

You've showed me that I no longer need to remember birthdays or even call people....a simple wall post will suffice....

You've helped me separate the hood girls from the ghetto ones...(i.e. all your baby pics being taken on a cellphone = hood, uploading pics of your sonogram, or pregnant ass at the Vandome in a midriff belly shirt = ghetto.)

Most importantly, however, you've taught me one thing...

You''ve taught me that as long as you keep the people laughing, they'll keep reading...and unlike TV, noone will ever claim that a book will rot your brain. Just dont read the Turner Diaries.



A2K-10 Virus said...

Easily the most meaningful post ever. (To me at least)

Not to toot my own horn (or ride the white horse for that matter), but my statuses and wall postings are LEGENDARY at PITT. So much that the heathens and jezebels on twitter have been beggin me to enlist in that mindless dribble.

Yeah right. I ain't signin up for sum sh*t that has a name that sounds like what 2 gay men would do to each other.

The sad part is that I was anti-facebook til 2nd semester sopho(whore) year. The reason was this:

When I first overheard a conversation about said facebook when I got to college, some simple harlot or miscreant described the purpose of FB as follows:

Cretin: "Its how you meet and make friends in college"

Skkkkkkkkrrrrrrt. WTF? I immediately said, um okay you goon, this is how I meet people. "I say, 'hi my name is A2K-10, what's hood wit you?'" (or a similar salut)

Cretin's response: But FB let's you see a pic of the person

Whore's (yours) Truly: (I snap a photo of some random bitch walkin down the street, get her digits, walk back to the cretin, point at ma phone)

'FACE (chick's pic newly saved to my flip phone) and (phone)BOOK = A2K-10's facebook.'

Then I ensued to crush mad girls like a frat rat crushes OC-80's, only to realize a year and a half later that I can crush even more girls on facebook.


Yes, but I now use the book to share my opinions about everything. Nothing is untouchable. NUT-ThING! (Black-Puerto Rican poor ass English voice)

Friend me A-two K-ten Strain

A2K-10 Virus
The black Adam Schefter

Epitome said...

Lactoste and tolerant SAH-LAYED ME! I laughed so hard at my desk I thought I was gonna die from asphyxiation because I really could not breathe.

Anonymous said...

LeFleur - This post is an instant classic.

Alovelydai said...

Here's my personal fav written by my brother's girlfriend.

"my baby is a least 7 pounds am 38 weeks today only 2 more weeks to go and 14 more days i hope she is almost ready to cum cause she is really kicking my butt."

I know...we're stuck with her now.

Anonymous said...

lol. love this post 'cause its so true.

officially a follower of the blog & def adding to the blog roll.

keep me entertained :)

much love,
Tisha Jade @ "Mixed Girl mixed Truth"

PhlyyGirl said...

And just because I believe Wja3 is the same one I used to see over at SoHH, I offer
"Endue Windows"

Clearly, grammar is NOT an important part of today's education.

N. Angail said...

This is funny, but I have to even it out. Don't just be coming after the girls. (Yes, I did just say "don't just be".) A LOT OF PEOPLE, males included, can't spell. And the semen-soaked keyboard? Come on, that's not cool.

Shout outs to the homie Carl!

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

I gave up on life after reading "come front me."

Some people should stay as far away from computers as humanly possible.