Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Barbershop wheelie nigga

Every black man has gotten an edge-up in his lifetime unless he is African or has no desire to copulate with the opposite (or same) sex. LOL. Dont get mad, u know African niggas are known for lack of shape ups and the coarsest of curls which like like a head full of stale black eyed peas. No fergie. LOL.


Anyways...the point of my barbershop banter is to let people know that although keeping a fresh "do" is important, the barbershop serves a much more important role...a greater good, shall we say.


The barbershop is the quintessential hood hub whereby various niggas from all walks of life are able to see, witness and participate in unabashed nonsense, comedic irony, hogwash tomfoolery, and crackhead niganess.

Last friday was no exception to the rule.

Enter Barbershop wheelie nigga.



As i sit in the modest shop conversing with my barber and the usual cast of characters, no homo-ly fixating on a Jamaican dude who has Spiraled Flat twists (circa En vogue in the 1990's...)


with dreads on top (where they do that at?), in walks a crackhead talking a mile a minute. (look closely in the back, u can see the flat twist-dread nigga in the chair. )




Show (in his head): You obviously are empty handed and have no goods to barter so please stay the fuck away from me. Are those AIDS Scars on your hand? Nigga are you a black Leper? Oh hell naw.


In comes this crackhead man with scraped up elbows hands. Now when I say scraped up, i mean like freshly scraped and just now scabbing. It Looked disgusting like a ho from the biggest loser in a thong singing Beyonce songs.

Barbershop Wheelie Nigga: Yea man. I was wheelin an 1100 and lost it the other day. Nigga I was gettin it in. Had it up here (does gesture). It was like Wheeeeeeeee, wheeeeeeeeemmmp (makes engine sounds. LOL.)


Barber: You look like you got fucked up.

Barbershop Wheelie Nigga: Yea, I fell and as I was coming down I felt it slipping so I shifted into 2nd gear as I fell.

Junebug: Yeah right. You know how fast a motorcycle falls. Like you had time to do all that. And when did this happen? Its been pouring rain all week and those are obviously fresh scars. You wheelin in the rain? Get outa here with that.

Barbershop Wheelie Nigga: You don't believe me? (Lifts off hat to reveal giant, vagina sized gash.)

Entire Barbershop (in unison): Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn !!!!!

Barber: that shit look like a cyclops eyeball.

Barbershop Wheelie Nigga: How many you got, I need a cut. Let me go to my momma house next store and get this barber chair, i'll cut to save you time.

Barber: No NIGGA. You can't be cuttin in our shop.

Barbershop Wheelie Nigga:Well let me cut my own hair....

Barber: NO!!! Yo man, you gotta leave...you in here cussin and there are kids around.

Barbershop Wheelie Nigga: Oh my bad, my bad....Im just sayin, it was my 31st birthday the other day when I crashed. I wanted yall to see. I don't ride nigga, i lift it up.. I get it in!! I spent 2500 and put 2 into that bike, I race.. That's my hobby.

Junebug: You need a new hobby if the bike looks anything like you do right now. LOL.



(Barbershop Wheelie Nigga Lifts shirt, to show he still has EKG plugs stuck to him . Yea man, I was on life support.. U race, 500 dollars, lets go? We could do it now, or race for some bogies (cigarettes.)

By this time everyone is laughing so hard that peoples edge-ups are getting fucked up and the barbers have to stop cutting. (Onyx Voice: but, but,but,but wait it gets worse!!!!)

As they tell this dude to leave, he Randomly starts crankin out pushups in the middle of the floor.

Next he proceeds to say, "yea man...in the accident I Lost mad teeth... Don't believe me? (He then pulls teeth out of pocket with the hospital bracelet and shows inside of his jacked up mouth. Smh.)


(yes those are teeth in his hand.)

I dont even really have much commentary from here on out. We finally got the nigga to leave and then proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes laughing and Saying "nah nigga, that aint my friend...that's YOUR boy."

Barbershop niggas aint shit!! LOL

--Show-sho


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1 comment:

khaki said...

O.m.g.. u can't evr tlk shit about bmore junkies again!