Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Smart Wars Episode II: Attack of the Phones
Email, talk, text, AIM and Gchat. Smart phone! Smart phone! I know you feeling that. But which type of smart phone you're into might say a little bit about your personality. As we enter the second decade of the new millenium, large camps are replacing the smaller cliques of years past, as the "hot shit" phones become more and more accessible to the Average Bro. Your friendly neighborhood Blog Killah will give a brief semi-accurate history of the little hand-held device you might be using to read this blog, and then we'll break it down and decide who rules supreme.
In 2002 there was a majority of cell users with basic flip phones, overly-ambitious dudes with PDAs bragging about their Palm Pilots, hood niggas with two-way pagers, a handful of "you ain't up on this" guys with a big ugly Treo, and the super-cool kids who had Sidekicks.
The Sidekick was the shit for the time, making bitches hop on your nuts as soon as they saw how your screen flipped upside down and suddenly you were typing their digits into it. a cool innovation that no one over 25 would be caught dead with considering how big and bawdy it was. Just big enough to not look professional, or fit in anyone's dress pants. As a result it never quite took over the world since everybody could chat on their laptops and by 2003 we were starting to send text messages en masse.
Fast forward to 2010 and two conglomerates rule supreme. Blackberry and iPhone. The owners of these respective giants pledge heavy allegiance, and look down on their counterparts with mild distaste.
But why? Who are these iPhone people? These blackberry people? Let's take a look...
You peep how my emails are popping up right on my screen! Search the web from anywhere, quickly! Eat a dick you ghetto Sidekick trash! Professionals stand up! We run this bitch! Look at me styling on hood niggas, taking their bitches as soon as I whip out my Blackberry. Accompanying my button-up and slacks like cuff links, it shows them I hve a good job, and I'm important enough that they need me all the time. AND my job is providing me with it so it's free! Yay!!!
Slow down son ya killin em. That little addictive device means 24-hour access mr. lawyer guy. The nicknamed "Crackberry" has you by the balls like Pookie in New Jack. Yeah sure my emails don't show up right away. I'm cooler than you, Urkel. I'm not by definition somebody's bitch!
Blackberry: whatever jerk. I've got BBM! We Curves, Bolds and Black Jacks can kick it country club style and you app-whores aren't invited!
IPhone: sorry I wasn't listening, I was using my app that syncs all my chat functions so that I can holler at everybody I know when I feel like it. Ooh, Tap-Tap Revenge!
And that is my biased opinion. iPhone peeps are just cooler. They have a more chill attitude, probably because their device is mean for play and the other is meant for work, making their users stressed.
Why the bias? This blog was written on an iPhone.
C4 2 Ya Door