Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Smart Wars Episode II: Attack of the Phones


Email, talk, text, AIM and Gchat. Smart phone! Smart phone! I know you feeling that. But which type of smart phone you're into might say a little bit about your personality. As we enter the second decade of the new millenium, large camps are replacing the smaller cliques of years past, as the "hot shit" phones become more and more accessible to the Average Bro. Your friendly neighborhood Blog Killah will give a brief semi-accurate history of the little hand-held device you might be using to read this blog, and then we'll break it down and decide who rules supreme.

In 2002 there was a majority of cell users with basic flip phones, overly-ambitious dudes with PDAs bragging about their Palm Pilots, hood niggas with two-way pagers, a handful of "you ain't up on this" guys with a big ugly Treo, and the super-cool kids who had Sidekicks.

The Sidekick was the shit for the time, making bitches hop on your nuts as soon as they saw how your screen flipped upside down and suddenly you were typing their digits into it. a cool innovation that no one over 25 would be caught dead with considering how big and bawdy it was. Just big enough to not look professional, or fit in anyone's dress pants. As a result it never quite took over the world since everybody could chat on their laptops and by 2003 we were starting to send text messages en masse.

Fast forward to 2010 and two conglomerates rule supreme. Blackberry and iPhone. The owners of these respective giants pledge heavy allegiance, and look down on their counterparts with mild distaste.

But why? Who are these iPhone people? These blackberry people? Let's take a look...


Blackberry:
You peep how my emails are popping up right on my screen! Search the web from anywhere, quickly! Eat a dick you ghetto Sidekick trash! Professionals stand up! We run this bitch! Look at me styling on hood niggas, taking their bitches as soon as I whip out my Blackberry. Accompanying my button-up and slacks like cuff links, it shows them I hve a good job, and I'm important enough that they need me all the time. AND my job is providing me with it so it's free! Yay!!!

iPhone: SKERRRRT!

Slow down son ya killin em. That little addictive device means 24-hour access mr. lawyer guy. The nicknamed "Crackberry" has you by the balls like Pookie in New Jack. Yeah sure my emails don't show up right away. I'm cooler than you, Urkel. I'm not by definition somebody's bitch!

Blackberry: whatever jerk. I've got BBM! We Curves, Bolds and Black Jacks can kick it country club style and you app-whores aren't invited!

IPhone: sorry I wasn't listening, I was using my app that syncs all my chat functions so that I can holler at everybody I know when I feel like it. Ooh, Tap-Tap Revenge!

And that is my biased opinion. iPhone peeps are just cooler. They have a more chill attitude, probably because their device is mean for play and the other is meant for work, making their users stressed.

Why the bias? This blog was written on an iPhone.

Ya dig?!

C4 2 Ya Door

11 comments:

A2K-10 Virus said...

And when you inevitable drop ya sleak, weak iphone because of that hennessy, while you d/l some unecessary ass application that let's you see in front of you as you text (Really apple?) and that screen cracks, I'll still be scoopin up more pins than a tailor at Bruce Bruce's crib. (Sorry for that run on)

There's a reason Obama rock the Blackberry and that BBM is oh so sincere with it.

In turning down that heat rock for the Marion CrackBerry

The A2K-10 Virus
Ya girl's side project

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from ya girl's BlackBerry®

Akira said...

lol

MW said...

There are iPhone apps that let me hook up when I want, or at least show me nekkid pics. Said apps have granted my cock 57.6% more playtime than it was getting before.

...Your move, Blackberry.

Rock said...

Aside from making me look even more genuinely awesomer than I am (lol), I could start my car from my iphone, turn on the house lights, buy albums AND text random people I don't know (see: "Who's here app.")

Also, even if I was racist, I'd have no problem rockin an iphone. A "Black" Berry on the other hand??? You'll never see David Duke with one of those. Say it in Alabama and it might get u lynched boy.

RJ83 said...

I am a proud owner of a Blackberry Storm, and no I am not up-tight, I am very laid back, however yes I am professional. I love my Blackberyy, BBM is the shit. I must admit that iphones are pretty tough, however by no means do I agree that someone with an iphone is cooler than me the Blackberry holder. Remember the phone does not make the person, the person makes the phone. I know some of the wackiest people who own both phones and two of the coolest who one of both, yes me and my bestie.

Rock said...

See look at the above comment. hey even typed it all professional and shit. LOL.

Anonymous said...

Fuck you (typed professionally) from my blackberry! Lol.......LeFleur!

A2K-10 Virus said...

[Adam Schefter here, reporting live from Brett Favre's toilet boil. After testing the urine left by said #4 with my reagent sticks from my lab, I am detecting. elevated levels of vitamins, minerals, and essential amino acids among other things. (Reference substances used during MVP 3-peat in mid 90's)

With this information, alongside empty cortisone needles in his hamper, I can safely deduce that yes Brett Favre will be returning for action in 20-10

Adam Schefter reporting live from my blackberry, ESPN]

Check, iPhone

The A2K-10 Virus
Because Adam Schefter provides up to the minute updates using his CrackBerry Mannilow and not the iphone.


Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my Darryl BlackBerry®

C 4 said...

iPhone = just another hazard of a fly guy...

Ricacha and Cheri said...

@Rock, LMAO-I never knew that being professional was a negative. How about this- yo son, fuck a iphone, Blackberries is where its at. I rocks with the BBM all day. but on some real shit I know some of the hardest people who gots them a blackberry n some of the most lame people who fucks with that iphone garb. I b blackberry rolling til the day that i die or i get too old use my hand, BBM fo life (in my tupac voice) hehehe.

Now am I non-professional enough for you, or should I dig deeper into my project hood girl that I use to be.

RJ83 said...

@Rock, LMAO-I never knew that being professional was a negative. How about this- yo son, fuck a iphone, Blackberries is where its at. I rocks with the BBM all day. but on some real shit I know some of the hardest people who gots them a blackberry n some of the most lame people who fucks with that iphone garb. I b blackberry rolling til the day that i die or i get too old use my hand, BBM fo life (in my tupac voice) hehehe.

Now am I non-professional enough for you, or should I dig deeper into my project hood girl that I use to be.

This should have been listed under this name not the previous (sorry)