Friday, March 19, 2010

Battle of the Sexes (A Female Blog) Pt. 2/2

Tako: Yerrrrrrp. It's ya boy Taka Flacka Flame up in this bitch!! Whoops, I probably shouldn't have said the B-word given this is another female oriented blog.

Show: Eh, you'll be aiiight.

C4: You don't get no pu**y anyway.

Wja3: No comment.

Mi Amor: Ahem...Fellas, can I proceed (Lil Kim Voice)?

The Bros: Yes indeed....

Mi Amor Presents Battle of the Sexes Pt. 2. (No Luda)

Yes dudes, you know you have a friend or maybe it’s even you that gets upset when a female doesn’t give you the time of the day when you know you been lifting bon bon’s since 97! Oh... and my all time favorite are the dudes who have been in long term relationships and have a child with a woman. The first thing you want her to do after she pops out the rugrat is hit the gym. You want her on that crunch machine banging out 150 crunches per min so she can get rid of the baby FAT.

Show: Yeah, those demands are unfair when you knew the bitch was fat before she got preggers (white word of the day.)

Mi Amor: Play nice.

Back to what I was saying. Its funny how dudes will chastise their baby's mother when they have gained 80 pounds since the start of their relationship. Sheeeeeit, during her pregnancy his fat ass should've scheduled matching ultra sound appointments instead of complaining and drinkin 40's.

PAUSE, rewind, regroup, (excuse me while I take ten deep breaths). Dudes you do not have the right to demand dimes when you know like I know you haven’t been dime worthy since you grew out of children’s place clothes! I would now like to take the time to spread some knowledge for you outta shape guys who get mad when females turn you down.

Tako: Tell em why you mad son!!!

C4: We need Khaki goin in on this blog too!!!

Wja3: Yea, she's kinda tight too.

Show: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Yall all see me standin here right? Cut that shit out. Did everyone not notice that I came to work today with a box of buttery Popeye's Biscuits despite the fact that I don't eat that trans fat shit? That's right, I'm givin out two pieces. Who want one? Tako Excluded. I aint fightin no Asian. Nigga probably know karate. LOL.

Mi Amor:

The Bros: Go on....

Mi Amor's List of things Fat dudes should know...Because Akira likes Lists

1.If there is a choice between Mr. Tall Glass of Water (see yestrday's blog for description) and you Mr. Outtashape no matter what you do for a living you will LOOSE!

I have seen, heard, and even experienced Mr. Outtashape use his money as an icebreaker to talk to Ms. Curvy. That’s perfect if you want a gold digger, but for the majority of the worlds Honest Females she’s not interested even if there’s a Beemer, Benz or Bentley outside...

If Mr. Tall Glass of Water has a Nissan, Honda, Chevy (maybe even a KIA) best believe she’s riding with him TONIGHT! (Laugh Loudly you know you want to.)

I know, I Know it’s the personality that matters...yea right. STOP the lies, you don’t meet someone’s personality first, you see physical so whoever made that crap up LIED).

2. Let remind you...don’t get mad if you’re turned down by a female, maybe she’s not into powder donuts stains?

3.If you are majorly outtashape, you better be dressed to the 9's and make it look GOOD! You cannot wear the tight white tee, and skinny jeans. These are not for YOU.

You can however, come strong... True Religion Jeans, Artful Dodger Shirt and Prada sneakers.

Show: And just when I thought you didn't have any chickenhead tendencies...

Mi Amor: Shut up.

Listen MR. OUTTSHAPE YOU HAVE TO TRY HARDER THAN MR. TALL GLASS OF WATER IT’S A FACT. Then and only then, will you have the right to suggest a dime. You cannot ever demand a dime and You cannot get mad if you get shot down; NO YOU don’t have the right to get mad! You got steak and cheese juice dripping from your lips; maybe she’s just not into that.

You do not have to eat weights to demand a dime, nor do you have to have seventeen abs, but you must take good physical care of yourself. This may seem a little vain and I am all for the love of all people, cause I got a few crunches to go before I can throw a two piece on (again we as females are aware of shopping within our league) but I’m tired of guys getting mad and saying slick stuff cause I don’t want to put my number in your prepaid phone!

I’m sorry Mr. Outtashape you lose … The same way one size fits all is a lie (LADIES SUMMER TIME IS COMING UP PLEASE TAKE NOTE), you are no longer allowed to show any since of entitlement with the female population…You take Mr. Tall Glass of Water’s left over’s and you like it!

Until Next Time, Mr. Outtashape go to Planet Fitness first Monday of the Month they serve PIZZA and maybe a gym bunny may think you’re trying!!!

Live, Laugh, Love,


Mildly Entertained, yet tired of letting females take over the blog despite the succulent eye candy the provide,

The Bros

1 comment:

Akira said...

Excellent posting - not only do I love lists, but I love Men with Girth.