Thursday, March 18, 2010

Battle of the sexes: A Female Blog (Pt. 1 of 2) ...Fu*k Ludacris

This blog is dedicated to the female readers of the NappyHeadedBros Blog…

Every female, attractive or not so attractive, fat or skinny, tall or short appreciates being approached by a tall glass of water. You know the 6’5, 260 built, brown skin brother, wearing a tight white tee, showing off the fifteen hours he spent in the gym today.


LL-Cool J


LOL-Cool J.


Show: No homo, no homo, no homo.

You know what I am talking bout?! Those dudes that make you change up your walk, pluck your eyebrows and get your mustache threaded (Please don’t front like you don’t get the stache threaded, you know if you live in Waterbury you visit Shangita for the stache hook up). This tall glass of water can approach you and say just about anything! But your focus is far beyond whatever is coming out of his mouth.

Show: No homo.

Heck!! For all we know he could be going into cardiac arrest but he’s so fine, all you can see is his mouth moving as you study his lips and become mesmerized by his eyes and those eighteen abs bulging out of his size "too small shirt."

What does that do for the average female?!

Show: Other than make it nearly impossible for regular niggas like us to get the booty without trickin glasses of Moscotto and Red Lobster Gift cards?

It boosts your self esteem, strokes your ego and makes you think I must be IT! Thank you Mr. Tall Drink of Water! Not only did you increase my confidence but you just made it impossible for the next dude that attempts to approach me.

Now let’s touch on the true reason for this guest blog…



This is a public service announcement for the well being of females attitudes everywhere!!


Now no one’s perfect ...


Show: You're close.


LOL. I’ll be the first to proclaim I’m not a small woman. I’m 5’6 and every bit of 160 pounds.

That’s right I’m a female that actually eats, and eats well (Please beware if you ask me on a date I will not be eating salad so please bring your wallet and Popeye’s coupons).

However, I’m not a stranger to the gym; the planet fitness black card is on deck. Females come in all different shapes and sizes and even we heavier girls can be considered thick if we wear it well. BUT...Now here's the important part... Guys, YOU DON'T HAVE THAT OPTION!!

NO GIRL IS SAYING, DAMN, THAT NIGGA IS THICCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!






It’s either you’re fat or not!


If you think otherwise, you better have borrowed Tyson Beckford’s face!! Yes you can hide that belly under and over size tee but once its summer time that belly will be strolling down the beach right with you! With all this said, my question is WHY DO OUT OF SHAPE MEN STILL DEMAND DIMES?


Show: Skerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt. Enough female ranting for today. You can break down the rest of your theory manana mama. You do have a point though.


Show: I swear, it almost makes me upset when I see a fat dude prancing around with a Dimepiece just because he's got a tight Christian Audigier T-shirt complete with the no homo rhinestones. Tight shirts on chubby mofo's doesn't equate to diesel. However, it looks much more acceptable than muffin tops or girls with high concentrations of Adult fat squeezed into junior misses size baby fat denim.


Mi amor: True. But why should we have to be dimed out for dudes who don't try?


Show: Unlike most male female inequalities which we can chop up to just being a double standard, there's a bit more going on here. You see, chivalry has created a demand on men to "open doors," "pay for dates" and "fight to protect a females honor" all the while not demanding sexual compensation...though it is sometimes implied. As a result of taking on this burden, we have to overcompensate by at least demanding reciprocal hotness. This is why hot girls can be found with rich guys all across the globe.


The only reason I'm fit, is because I'm broke. True story.


Sincerly,


Show "the medium sized glass of water" & Mi Amor "The sweet glass of Vitamin water"


To be continued tomorrow...Niggas & Niggetes.

1 comment:

MW said...

I'm eternally grateful that this double standard only applies to the heterosexual world, because, let's face it:

1. Men don't mind "thickness" in their prospective conquests (even though the object might be another man). Even if the two cancel each other out (men's acceptance of said thickery vs. the implied unacceptability of having "the thick"), it's still a neutral scenario.

2. Lesbians are fat. Fatty McFattersons. They have no options.

Love (of all kinds),
MW