Wednesday, February 17, 2010

This is not OK 2010: Stop,Stop,Stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First off, Let's take care of housekeeping.

Shout out to my girls Angela and Julie for their 13-0 victory in this years winter Olympic Hockey first round. It's nice to know famous people with boobs. We're all proud of you...especially Hiep. He told me to relay that one Julie. LOL.

Secondly, in the Tradition of the Men's health Editors (aka authors of my personal favorites "the Abs Diet" and "Eat this, Not That") I'm going to bless yall with a Nappyheaded spin-off..."Buy this, not that."

That being said, buy Freeway and Jake One's Stimulus Package...NOT Kay Slay's awful concoction "More Than a DJ."

Dope hip hop album. Great beats and tasteful guest appearances. No Gucci Mane or Auto Tune. What more can you ask for?

Ridiculous album cover (Gucci don't make that shit!!) , bad beats, 20 + all star guests and not 1 legitimately hot record. Stand out awful lines include Papoose's "I aint stressin if its that time of the month....It might sound nasty but if cops aint in sight/ i'll look both ways and then run the red light" (Ewwwwwwwww) and Ray J actually singing "Baby girl likes to buy me shoes from Gucci...yeahh...and her favorite gun is the Uzi..." (Come on son!!!!)

Now, onto what we do best...talking shit.

Last year we had a series called "This Is Not OK" where we highlighted a list of things certain people of certain races need to stop doing. We've revamped this for 2010 just to show you, no one's safe. Also, rather than rattling off a list, we're taking our time with these major offenses to make sure these actions come to a screeching halt!!!

Show-Sho Presents...

This is not ok 2010: Stop, Stop,Stop!!!!!

It is not OK to pronounce Salmon (Sal-Mon), I don't care how many of your ghetto friends do the same, or how many ghetto rappers say it on record (ahem....Jadakiss...cough, cough.) Its salmon (sam-men) damnit!

Also, it is also not cute to pronounce Target as Tar-jay. This, like the aforementioned Salmon mistake is coonishly ghetto yet mildly excusable.


It's ghetto, and beyond the realms of shit that's not OK. that being said....STOP, STOP, STOP!!!

Its extremely important that I explain this phenomenon as white people have probably never heard of it, other than when their black co-workers walk around with a crudely printed list (most likely printed for free at some one's job) detailing what comes with each dinner. It's also kind of ironic that black people are the first to say "I aint eating everybody's food" or "white people let cats walk around in their kitchen, I don't trust thier food" then are the first to try and sell you a collard green and chicken dinner. Yes, I went there.

The worst part about all this, is that the dinners never benefit a good cause other than the occasional catch all "sellin dinners for the church." Aint that what the collection plate is for son?

Anyways, it's usually because someone just wants to make a little cash on the side and I guess the fact that its a historical (albeit stupid) black tradition makes you exempt from health and sanitation permits required for commercial food distribution? LOL. Would you eat a plate of food from a random man on the street? Fuck no. You tell your kids "Don't take candy from strangers and check Halloween candy for razor blades" yet its OK to eat random black people food. LOL. What's the difference?

I guess the difference is that most soul food restaurants are nothing more than glorified black people's kitchen's anyway. LMAO. I blame this on white folk's desire for "authenticity." Why's it matter to you? You don't know the niggas in the kitchen either.

Here's the really is the same thing with one important caveat. Selling dinners introduces the aspect of transportation and delivery. Hmmmmm. Once this is introduced, black people's tendency to operate on CP Time (colored people time synomous with late) becomes evident as white people (who only ordered the food so as to avoid peer pressure and not seem racist) are delivered cold food at least a half hour late. Sure its coonish, sure its unsanitary...but most importantly, IT REINFORCES STEREOTYPES!!!!

Sure we eat unhealthy amounts of fried foods cooked with leftover Bacon grease and are late for damn near everything, but I'll be damned if we unintentionally admit it to white folk!! :)

You knew there was a conspiracy theory behind this.

Live, Love, Startin Shit...



MW said...

The conspirator is you, for having quite intentionally revealed it to white people, here and now. I could call you an U—e T—m for that, but I'll settle on "Cousin Alex", the 2010 version of fictionalized traitorous avuncularity.

So, I've already informed the Group, and believe you me, this will be firmly discussed in even, non-movie-theater tones at our next Meeting.

Also on the discussion table are the topics: "Our Feline Friends in the Kitchen: Why the Hate?"; and, "Washcloths: Reverse Racism in Action?"

On another note, "authenticity" is the kind of buzzword that lets a restaurant charge you ten dollars for a carb-laden piece of shit tamal at a wannabe-semi-upscale Mexican fusion place. It's not worth a hard-earned sawbuck just because the management kidnapped a small family from Guerrero and forced them to husk corn until their brown fingers bleed!

Rock said...

I prefer the term "Uncle Tyrone", or Uncle Tom Foolery. Now go convince your white friends to sell "Proscuitto & Melon" plates in the workplace. LMAO. Unaccepible, but once they start "cheese and wine" plates, I'm on the bandwagon. Yee Haw.

Rock said...

P.s. I'm digging the word "Avuncularity" - suggestive of an uncle, especially in kindness.

Congratulations on having the first word I had to look up on y own blog!!

Akira said...

I <3 MW. do you have a blog? Id read it.

MW said...


My blog is defunct: I'm much better with my unique brand of reactionary milquetoastalicious curmudgeonism than I am at producing original content.

As long as wouldbe-prophet bombasts like Showrocka need to be taken down a peg (I'm being generous with "a" here), I'll be here to append my white-boy rants. ...I'll go easier on the others.

Thanks for your comment, and thanks for ignoring Show's content completely!

The Meeting apparently went well.