Friday, February 19, 2010

NEOPOLITAN: Leflur, Methadone & Birdman Jr.

I pride myself on switching shit up and freaking the blog in all different ways. Today is no different.

As I couldn't decide which of my three blog topics was best, I figured I'd bless you with a Neapolitan hodgepodge of unrelated content dripping with flavor like the coochie of a girl made out of ice cream. Slurrrrrrp. Pause.

The Chocolate. No Homo.

Just because I know you all love hearing about America's favorite chocolate boy wonder (pause) Lefleur, I'm gonna bless you (pause) with his most recent episode.

Have you ever really had to take a dump to the point where the sweet release of turd felt like you were lifting the weight of the world off your shoulders? No I'm not talking about a quick, 2 pump dump where you can go during a commercial break and still catch you favorite show. I'm talking about a "nobody in the house but me, door open to air it out, facebooking on my blackberry, shirt off, one sock on dump. Yeah buddy.

Back to the question. Have you ever taken one?

Well apparently, Lefleur has.

Unfortunately, this nigga forgot that he was not in the confines of his own home, but rather was at work! I can just see it now (pause.)

Leflur: Yeah man. I came out the bathroom in my wife beater, dress shirt draped across my neck, wiping my forehead... sweatin'. I swear i said 'pheww' and then it hit me. Everybody was lookin at me like I was crazy.

Lefleur, apparently, forgot he works in a professional office where taking a dump in a wife beater and socks is only OK if no one knows about it. LMAO. I love it!!!

The Vanilla (No Racist-o)

Aside from being a cross cultural liaison, I pride myself in sharing the wealth of hood knowledge I've acquired, and which people have no idea I've obtained due to the incorrect assumption that my prep-school and Ivy league schooling is synonymous with "silver spoon upbringing."

Have you ever had to run because bullets were whizzing by your head? (Freddy Fixer, 2 years in a row!!) Have you ever been stuck up at gunpoint? (Fitch and Blake st Christmas Eve). Have you ever been cuffed and thrown in the back of a squad car just for fitting the description? (too many times to count.) OK, maybe this is getting a little extreme. Let's start here. Have you ever even been in a fist fight? LOL.

Point of the story is, I'm here to spread a little chocolate knowledge into your vanilla worlds.

"Methadone is a rigorously well-tested medication that is safe and efficacious for the treatment of narcotic withdrawal and dependence. For more than 30 years this synthetic narcotic has been used to treat opioid addiction. Heroin releases an excess of dopamine in the body and causes users to need an opiate continuously occupying the opioid receptor in the brain. Methadone occupies this receptor and is the stabilizing factor that permits addicts on methadone to change their behavior and to discontinue heroin use."


For those of you who may not know, aka don't see these zombie looking niggas in the hood, methadone users (aka crackheads/ heroin addicts and ex Crackheads) are some shady mutha suckas. Because methadone is ingested orally, these savy druggies have found a way to hide a cotton ball in their cheek and pretend to swallow the methadone. In actuality the methadone is soaked into the slob covered cotton ball which the meth-heads later on sell to other meth-heads!! GROSS!!!!!! And you thought crackheads were dumb! Silly Eminem in 8 mile (Rabbit).


And now, a message about America's favorite Strawberry Blunt wrap smoking Celebrity.

Apparently, Mr. F. Baby, upon getting ready for Jail, is looking to sell his 2.8 Million dollar South Beach condo. Owww owww.

Problem is, people are saying he's having trouble because of the pertinent smell of weed (pronounced Whheeeead. LOL).

Weezy's ridiculous, "I'm feeling myself too much" response:

“We’re not having trouble selling it, but all the other stuff is true,". "The people that are coming to look at it like that more about it. That’s like coming into Bob Marley’s crib and you still smelling weed and his bed still messed up. They’re like ‘leave all that shit. I want to buy all that.’ I’m one of those niggas right now."

Slow ya roll Birdman Jr, Slow ya roll. LOL. Maybe it's the codeine withdrawal making him talk crazy. Well, jail is one place his braggadacio will be taken down a notch. Just remember Wheez, when it comes to the soap....just don't, wobbly, wobbly...drop, drop it like its hot.

Live, Love, Switchin it up.

-Shizzzo-Sho no Hommozzzzo

1 comment:

MW said...

Westwood's oddly-phrased blasphemy-laden inquiries alongside of Lil Wayne's twice-baked ramblings would make awesome fodder for tongue-in-cheek but nevertheless skillful music, a la DJ Jazzy Jeff and J-Live's "Practice".

Just what the fuck is in that cup, Birdman Jr.? "Success potion", you say? Forgive my vanillatude here, but is that thugspeak for "a mixture of Red Bull, sizzurp, and liquid THC"?

On a purely stylistic note (and a slightly obsessive-compulsive relationship with structure, repetition, and the Rule of Three), why doesn't Strawberry deserve its own tag line? If you dive head-first into some creamy Neapolitan (pause), you better be prepared to finish it off (...definitely "no homo" there).

...I had something about "chowing down in the berry patch", or "shortcaking" (not yet defined on Urban Dictionary), and even tried to make "daiquiri" sound vaguely sex-organesque. I'll leave the blogging to you, I guess!


Vanilla except in the bedroom,