Thursday, February 4, 2010

"4' 9" Butterball with Tits: The Snooki Makeover"

Which 2 of you bastards gave the "Show Vs. Ludacris" post a coontastic rating? That sh*t wasn't funny! Look, you got me digressing already before I even started the post.



Eh, I guess it doesn't really matter because today's post deals with nothing important, significant or relevant in the context of today's world. Nevertheless, I'm still going to blog about it because YOU ALL LOVE IT!!! That's right niggas and niggettes, guidos and guidettes, I'm talkin about errr'ybody's favorite personified stereotypes, The Jersey Shore whores...more specifically, the lovely 4 ft 9 inch butterball with tits we like to call Snooki.







People either love her, love to hate her, or want to fu*k her while no one is watching, but nonetheless, she keeps you watching.




Oh what was that? Did you say something "Pontificatory Mr. Mc-too high standards"? You wouldn't fu*k Snookers? I bet I can change your mind. Pause.




The Snooki Makeover





First off I want to say that I Love how the cast of Jersey Shore is making all these movie premiere and red carpet appearances despite their lack of couth, class or talent. Viva la degenerates...and that's what they are (did you hear their foul mouths at the reunion show?)


This being said, here's my favorite Snookie Celebrity beat off picture (lol. Jk.)

" And the Show-sho song was onnnnnnnnnnnnn....while we both took off our thongssssss"

Oh, sorry. Riiiiight, I was supposed to be writing a blog. I get distracted easy.




So a lot of you say you wouldn't do Snookers, not even secretly. I wholeheartedly disagree. Sure her voice and personality seem "Cute" in the realm of "I'd get sick of it after 2 weeks tops".

Sure at times she looks like she's stuffed herself in the clothes of her slutty cabbage patch kid doll.





Whatever. Fact of the matter is, shes 4' 9", thicker than a Russian accent and built like a brick fortress. A little cleaning up, and you can bring her home to mommy...or bring her home to Mami if you're freaky.


Inside Edition decided to test the Bros theory and give her a makeover. I just wanna give her the business like she inherited stock. Nevertheless, we will try and focus, and grade the makeover pics.


BEFORE:

Pre-makeover Snook gets a C-.
Kinda trashy looking (which could be a plus in terms of sexiness factor) but overall not the look you want to settle down with. Though the argument could be made that the "guidette" look is what makes her so lovable and adorable, Any guy will tell you it is not...its her huge tits and rotund rump stuck on a four foot frame and so prominently displayed in her baby midget clothes.

AFTER:

This pic gets a B+ in my book .


This is definitely a "take home to wifey" look. What? Yall don't do threesomes? OK. Replace that with "Take home to mom look." The problem? Cant see her best features and the clothes look a little past her age range. I'd still hit it tho, in public this time. Good Job Inside Edition.



A+...No, A "Fuckin" Plus, for this one!


Mommy I want it, I want it, I want it!!! Oh, that's an actual person? Not a life sized Chilean sex doll? Whatever. This is the look for you snickers. Classy yet sassy, heels to make you the height of an average short person and a hairdo that can fit inside a honda civic without hitting the roof. Looking like this you can take her to the hood, the Opera or, if your pimp hand is strong, Hunts point. LOL. Marry me snooks!! Oh shit, I forgot, she's gonna be in New Haven tonight. Who's rollin with me? I need a Pauly D (wingman.) Pause.


D+.

Only redeeming factor is being able to see those ripe woman-melons. Other that that, this pose is a baaaaaad look. She looks like one of the people from "Little People Big World."The hair and dress are straight, but scratch the Jesus sandals and stand her up so she doesn't look like a FUCKIN MIDGET!!!


All in all I hope I swayed some of you in he direction towards Snookdom and got a few converts from the Jwoww (aka I look 45 with 20 year old tits) train.


Mission Accomplished.

Live, Love, Snooki, Snookie, Snooks, Snookers, Snickers!!!!!!


--ES-Roca

2 comments:

Rock said...

Hogwwash? For a faithful reader you are a determined hater Chain. Now I'm glad I din't call you last night when "Tragedy Khadafi & The story of Queensbridge" was on. (Jersey Shore Fist Pump). Go snooks, its ya bday!!!

khaki said...

I must be the only person that doesnt watch this show.... Is this the chick that got Dee-bo'd by some dude??? I hope not... she's a little thing. SMH

P.S some folks like midgets :)