Friday, January 29, 2010

Whiteboys call it chowing Box

"I don't know about you guys, but when I see a naked woman I just want to eat her." --Caveman

Although if taken out of context, my boy Caveman's comment could be percieved as "I am a raging pervert who likes to perform cunninlyinguis (aka eat pu**y) and will eventually end up with a yeast infection in my throat and herpes bumps on my lip", I can honestly say that I know where my boy Cavey Crockett was coming from. Pause.

He wasn't saying "I go down on all girls", but rather that some girls are so sexy that you want to just put them in your mouth (pause) and attempt to swallow them whole. Saying "she looks so good i want so pound her out (jersey Shore Voice)" does not have the same effect(even without the Jersey Shore Voice). Sex is for women, as most men are so focused on leaving a lasting impression (aka "Putting it down") and not ejaculating too fast, that they don't truly get to enjoy last when boning a chick for the first time.

Cum too quick and you will be embarrassed...or get laughed at.

Sex, while a necessary function of a nappyheaded lifestlye, isn't sexy. Victorias Secret shit is. Watching your girl strip is. Seeing your shawty get out the shower is...and eating pu**y most definitely is. That being said, Fellas...Stop eating pu**y. Or at least do it and then lie about it.

I know all the ladies jaw's just dropped on that one (insert dick now. LOL.)

Don't get mad as I keep it 100 and stand up for what I belive in, in the tradition of Rosa parks (who probably got her shit eaten too!!)

(Looks at the disgusted faces of the viewerships and smirks.)

The reason I tell fellas to stop eating pu**y (or at least stop admitting it) is because once we admit it, females oficially have the upper hand!!!

Go ahead guy. Tell her you wanna eat her shit and see if she calls you every night at 9:00 like she used to. You fu*ked up chief. Now, I am not saying this will cause a women to lose interest, but it will cause her to focus on those two birds in the bush rocking gold chains rather than the bird in the hand. Dig? Dug. Good.

Random Blog Reader: Now that the problem's presented, what's the solution my G?

The solution is, stop chowing box kid. This is akin to a female saying to her friend, "yea I'd F**k him" and you over-hearing it (it is not the same as her saying "I'd suck him off" because then you'd just think of her as a slut.) Once you know she's gonna f**k you, there are two options for most men...go extra hard and try to smash (who knows what will happen after that), or (if you're ambitious), put her on the bench as a solid "reserve" and look for some new starters. LOL.

Sure we are too old to risk dating a chick for a month if she doesn't put out, but every man likes the thrill of the hunt..well, they like it for about a week or two before they get frustrated and move on to you slightly chubbier, slutty friend.

Girls are the same way. Tell her that you've never eaten a girl out before and see how "convincing" she'll try to be. True story...not that I've tried it or anything. LOL.

In the end I think we can all agree that by eating pu**y sparingly and in secret everyone wins. Men and women alike get to find out what each others boundaries are while playfully enjoying each other without fear of embarassment. If you're too uncomfortable to try something for fear of a reaction than maybe you should get to know R-Money (aka Raekwajahiem Jenkins) a little more before spreading your legs like a Mayonaise sandwich. Same goes for you fellas.

Sex isn't a contract (in America at least) and you aren't supposed to know what your getting upfront (If that was the case, ugly girls would never get any!!!!) I'll tell you one thing though...if you tell her how bad you want your mouth dripping with her sweet pepperican nectar up front, you will end up with one thing and one thing only...a post club 4:00am booty call and a mouth full of sweaty brown hairs before she falls asleep on you and starts drooling her Newport and Corona breath all over your favorite pillow. LMAO.

Now go brush your teeth ya nasty!!!!

Live, Love....Wouldn't you like to know....

-The Monsta


MW said...

I believe you seriously need to rephrase "eat her shit". This isn't a post about tossing the browned lettuce salad... That's a topic for another day?

I'll polish up my rusty trombone and play a dirge for your sense of decency.

The Imperial WJA3 said...

I remember when cunnilingus was like this secret thing that was only done when a dude really loved a chick. Now thanks to Lil' Wayne, dudes are just out there eating everything and broadcasting it to the world.