Monday, January 4, 2010

Showrock's friends: Asshole of the year runner's up

So you all saw it last week when my boy Slope Rocka pretty much took the asshole of the year award hands down. Funny thing about that is that he almost lost...almost.

For you see, while many things are completely debaucherous and outside the realm of common decency, getting a restaurant gunned down is outright dangerous and quintessentially hogwash tomfoolerific. Even with this being said, however, me and C4 had quite a great time at the close of 2009 determining those runners up who almost went home with the title.

C4: As a Human being, I think Tio-J's behavior is # 1. He takes the crown!

Showblog Obama: Slope got innocent people shot at!!

C4: Not that infrequent an occurrence.

Showblog Obama: You're also from Baltimore. You going to say its OK to give people AIDS too? LOL. I'm sorry, AIDS isn't acceptable joke material. Its as serious as a chicken shortage at Popeyes.

C4: Ass.

So here's what happened...the first time.

Dancing....Dancing...Dancin (High pitched voice), Tio J is a dancin machine!!!! Hoppin from lady to lady and patron shot to jager bomb, Tio J was straight up gettin it in!! Music blaring, people staring, and the night was still young.

Enter a young, handsomely dressed Derek Jeter looking nig*a complete with the crisp button up shirt, prada shoes and a haircut sharper than the jagged edge of a Meth head's broken tooth. Yea, he was dressed to pull bit*hes that night.

Now enter Tio J....what? You thought I was already describing him? You thought I would describe my boy as looking "Handsome". That's wild homo. JK.

C4: But describe a random dude as handsome is OK? SMH.

Showblog Obama: Shut up.

Tio slides over next to "Derek Jeter nigga" and begins dancing with a group of girls when the last patron (or black label) shot catches up to him. Ohhhhhhhhh snap!!! (90's reference of the day. ) You can actually see the moment of disgust in his own face as Tio J feels his stomach turn faster than a slave in a foot race. Having no time to hit the bathroom he attempt to cover his mouth, thereby blocking all but one concentrated stream of projectile puke. Yes that one solid, violent stream of puke smashed Derek Jeter nigga right in the face. I'm talking eyes, mouth, nose. Please excuse my fragmented sentences and bad grammar, but this is funny shit.

In complete and utter shock, blinded by puke, Derek Jeter does not even see where it came from, meanwhile, Tio J does a Michael Jackson spin move out of there and no one is the wiser.

Hands covered in puke he escapes to a 2nd dancefloor where he grinds on a girl, pretends to feel on her booty, but actually (unbknownest to her) wipes his hand clean and dry all over her seven jeans. And then...he's gone. Like a thief in the night, or a black person with your car stereo. LMAO. Kidding...about the car stereo, not the puke.

C4: And that's why he should've been asshole of the year.

Showblog Obama: Perhaps.

Live, Love, Getting off scott free

C4 / ShowrockObama

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