Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Shorty's True Stories Pt. 2: Gangbang me in the Park while I wear this mask.

This is gonna be a good one.

Though I know a good deal of the readership has become quite fond of our conspiracy theories, reoccurring segments and tidbits of odd news (I.e. C4 informing the world that Questlove's Afro is actually a wig!!), we cannot forget our humble blogging roots.





Get it? Roots. Shout out to Maulie Blackwell and the Liberty City Cartel out in Philly.



Anyways....


We didn't start this shit merely as a platform to rave and rant, but rather as a means to chronicle real life instances of a term we've coined called "hogwash tomfoolery." That's right boys and developing 17 year old girls, this world we live in is full of unabashed nonsense, modern day coonery and people straight acting like hot ghetto (and trailer park) messes. Who are we to deny you the chance to revel in it?




Enjoy...like a fat chick at a buffet with extra wide booths that only plays Kelly Price songs...Or Kelly Clarkson (that bi*ch is getting big!)


What happened to that girl kell? You know? The old you. Did you eat her? LOL.


And now, The Bros Present....

Shorty's True Stories Pt. 2: Gangbang me in the Park while I wear this mask.



So I admit, we do a lot of things we have no business doing just for comedic value. This, however, was so far to the left , that we almost wanted no parts of it....almost.


To set the stage I can say that three friends and I were shitfaced drunk by 12:00 Pm in an undisclosed location in Pennsylvania. After throwing a huge party with our little Fraternity brothers at a strip club the night before, everyone was hungover and figured that getting drunk would be the quickest and easiest remedy.


Hold up....let me backtrack so you get an idea of how we party. We showed up to a strip club with a Range Rover (ballin!!), Toyota Camry (Keepin it hood) and a yellow school bus packed with 60 dudes. Needless to say we took over the club. Sex, money, rock and roll...yada yada. We got it in, made it rain, drizzle, precipitate and left love puddles of female twat juice all over the floor. It wasn't from us though....I'm sure it was the money that turned them on. LOL.


C4: So you guys like strip clubs. BO-RING. Tell us about the Gangbang.


So we wake up in the morning playing beerpong, past out a few times and by 5:00pm when we realize it's too Icy for our stripper friends to drive to our house, we get a bright idea...Craigslist!!


Blogness: There's no ore "erotic services" on craigslist. Cops are shutting that sh*t down .


Caveman: Go to "Casual encounters". Its for freaky degenerate people like us.


C-Town: Let's make our own post.


D'Mikel: Yea, we can advertise for a party and only let the hot girls in. Then we can play pong and kill this extra alcohol. I'm too broke for strippers anyway.


(Completely drunk guy logic, by the way. Why would a bunch of drunk hot girls be trolling Craigslist looking for a random party with 4 guys they dont know. LOL.)


Needless to say, we make the post and pass out drunk. We later wake up at around midnight to find a response. Hot girls ready to party? errrrrrrr. Not so much. Degenerateness? Yes.


Actual email:



From: Miss K

Three for one its a possibility. If you want to do it ill tell u what u guys would have to do
;)

From: The Bros

And what is that. Sounds interesting.


From: Miss K

Well u three would have to meet me somewere i know .. and dress warm cuz ur all gonna gang bang me.U wont be able to see my face tho,I'll be wearing a mask, but ill be ur dirty lil black slut. i will need picz of all three and its 80 roses per guy. let me know if that's good 4 u and ill tell u guys were to meet me so i can suck ur c*cks and u can gang bang me. if interested reply back for further instructions... or if u change your mind ill take one of u and u can eat me out :)


From: The Bros

Are you serious?



From: Miss K

Met me at ********* pond in **********? u guys cant park ur car in the parking lot though. No ones supposed to be in the park after nine. So u park around the corner and u walk quietly into the park. Theres a pavilion there. You would go all the way thru it to the childrens jungle gym and slide and beyond that a lil ways is a table and a bench ill be there with my pussy exposed.u each hand me the money and then u can have at it.Take your cocks out touch my pussy lick it whatever u want.u guys can make me ur lil cum slut/ u all must bring condoms with you tho. No condom cant do anything to you. an ill need picz still :)

While I (being black) automatically assumed the girl was a cop, which was later verified as untrue via a series of email statements, or that the entire shady episode would lead to a robbery and us being murdered on the First 48, Caveman thought otherwise. He thought it was just an extremely hard up, ugly, slutty girl and that we should go. He would bring a shotgun and stand guard while the rest of us picked straws to see who would have to go into the park. That idea was quickly vetoed. D'Mikel thought it may have been a man in a mask (another logical theory) and our resident "risk management expert" C-town just thought it was a bad idea.



Normally we encourage reckless behavior and try to indulge in it so you can live vicariously through us, but this time around....we bitched out. Even at the hands of a story this good, The idea of getting dumped by our gfs, catching AIDS, being murdered and robbed all while NOT HAVING THE CHANCE TO BLOG ABOUT IT, just didn't seem worth it.

Moral of the story is: Be careful what you wish for...you might get more than a party.



Recklessness is Bliss,

--The Bros

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You shoulda did it. Punk ass frat boys.

A2K-10 Virus said...

Don't feel bad. My best friend and I used to work at Ball-Mart and sophomore year while he was on the job 'pushin carts' he found this white girl, who apparently loved gettin "Thomas The Tank Engine'd" (choo choo chucka chucka chucka chucka chucka choo choo).

Anywho my best friend decided to train her up with our 1 boi, then brought her down to my campus to train her up in my dorm with another one of our hometown bretheran and me, with my white roommate watchin and some girl that train chick brought watchin too (the random girl called herself Bloody Ray but I called her Bloody Rag cuz she looked like 1).

Let's just say I had a condom but it never left my pocket. Whoops.

After we kick her and Bloody Rag out to the curb, on a campus shed never been to, mind you. Later we found out she called up some guys to scoop her by offering them a 'ride' of her own. Eww.

Upon asking my boi what happened to this trick, he told me he trained her up wit another one of our boys the week later, then that boi ensued to take her to the local state college and train her up wit some guy he knew.

Damn. Did I get tested? Nope...sorta...wait...not really. Well actually my best friend who started it all, got tested down in some clinic at his school in west virginia and he was neg. I figured, hey if this nigga ran multiple trains wit this jezebel and is clean, I have to be too.

Damn shame

A2K-10 Virus

Rock said...

Simply by reading that story and assessing the level of degenerateness, I now know who A2K-1o Virus is. It makes so much sense.

(Jersey Shore Fist Pump)

A2K-10 Virus said...

Who am I? The suspense is killin me.

A2K-10 Virus
Spreading HPV one Gardesil-less female age 9-28 at a time