A lot of you think that I simply sit around all day thinking of crazy and demented rants to recklessly pen each day. You are incorrect...most of the time.
While I do occasionally write off the top of the dome (pause) / (that means do impromptu writing for my Caucasian readers), I usually write based of the formative experiences in my life. Keeping this in mind, last week I came (pause) to an important realization in regards to this "process" for gaining blog material. The more I go out and get wasted, the more interesting shit I will have to talk about.
P.S. I also allows me to meet a lot of bit*hes.
Last weekend was no exception to the rule.
Shorty's True Stories Pt 1. : The Bad Bi*ch with "the situation".
Poppy (not papi...pause): Did you see her son, Baddest bi*ch in the club.
Shorty: Are you wearing a cashmere scarf in this hot ass club?
Poppy (not papi...pause): In he pink. Dancing on stage.
Super Urkel: Are yall even listening to each other?
Shorty catches glimpse of girl.
Shorty, Super Urkel and Poppy (not papi...pause): Dammmmn (Craig & Smokey voice.)
Shawty (not to be confused with Shorty) was baaaaaaad. I'm talkin like Michael Jackson, 3 day old Sushi in 100 degree heat bad. Check her out.
I know this pic was kinda far away and blurry, but in my defense, I didn't want to look like a stalker, and iphone cameras are shitty. Nevertheless, you can obviously see shes rican, sexy, and dressed to the 9's (old white person phrase of the day.)
Tetas on display like the two freshest melons at the fruit stand, so ripe you dont even gotta grab them to know they're fresh. Shawty had the fishnets, the skinny girl waist belt (not to be confused with that fat girl girdle or gut covering tuxedo cumber bun belt), as well as an uber-rican, hairsprayed up-do. Oh yea (Big tymers voice...remember that?) she was bad.
Then I peeped her "situation" (no mike, ronnie, Pauly D, or vinnie).
Homegirl was freaking it on a crutch cause she had one leg!!!! That's right folks, you CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!! I can see the headlines now "Bad Bitch With One Leg Gets it Poppin at the Van Dome in New Haven." See...That's why I don't be goin to the Van Dome!!! (Intentional ebonical phrase of the day.) I knew I was gonna find a.) a sexy midget, b.) or some other fantasy of mine (like this) which would tempt me to cheat!!!
Now comes the questions....
Can she do doggystyle, and if so do you just call it a three point stance, or Tri-pod perhaps?
Do you refer to her as "the girl in the fishnet" instead of "fishnets".
Is her name Peggy or Eileen (Pronounced I-Lean. LOL).
Is her favorite restaurant I-Hop? That would make her a cheap date. LOL
If she met a dude with one leg would she let him hit it? Or would she think he was gross?
Would Missionary sex look like a figure 4 (or actually , figure 3 1/2) leg lock? LMAO.
All these questions floated around in my cerebellum as I fantasized about the beauty with the booty and the one legged coochie. Funny thing is, I never for once thought of this as gross, creepy or fetish-istic (made up word of the day.)
I guess C-4 was right. A Bad bitch is a Bad bitch regardless of so called physical deformities. I'd lick her from her lady lumps down to her stump, and if she keeps her hedges trimmed, I'd put my face in those bushes like a special ops stalker.
Moral of the story is, I'm goin back next week to try and bag her...cause she's sexy.
In the end I guess we are all just human beings, none inherently superior to the rest, as we all just...(wait for it)...put our pants on, 1 leg at a time!!!! LMAO.
Live, Love, Peppericans.