Friday, January 15, 2010

Shorty's True Stories Pt 1.:The Bad Chick with "The Situation."

Goodmorning Cutie Pies.....and fellas (Pause.)

A lot of you think that I simply sit around all day thinking of crazy and demented rants to recklessly pen each day. You are incorrect...most of the time.

While I do occasionally write off the top of the dome (pause) / (that means do impromptu writing for my Caucasian readers), I usually write based of the formative experiences in my life. Keeping this in mind, last week I came (pause) to an important realization in regards to this "process" for gaining blog material. The more I go out and get wasted, the more interesting shit I will have to talk about.

P.S. I also allows me to meet a lot of bit*hes.

Last weekend was no exception to the rule.

Shorty's True Stories Pt 1. : The Bad Bi*ch with "the situation".

Poppy (not papi...pause): Did you see her son, Baddest bi*ch in the club.

Shorty: Are you wearing a cashmere scarf in this hot ass club?

Poppy (not papi...pause): In he pink. Dancing on stage.

Super Urkel: Are yall even listening to each other?

Shorty catches glimpse of girl.

Shorty, Super Urkel and Poppy (not papi...pause): Dammmmn (Craig & Smokey voice.)

Shawty (not to be confused with Shorty) was baaaaaaad. I'm talkin like Michael Jackson, 3 day old Sushi in 100 degree heat bad. Check her out.

I know this pic was kinda far away and blurry, but in my defense, I didn't want to look like a stalker, and iphone cameras are shitty. Nevertheless, you can obviously see shes rican, sexy, and dressed to the 9's (old white person phrase of the day.)

Tetas on display like the two freshest melons at the fruit stand, so ripe you dont even gotta grab them to know they're fresh. Shawty had the fishnets, the skinny girl waist belt (not to be confused with that fat girl girdle or gut covering tuxedo cumber bun belt), as well as an uber-rican, hairsprayed up-do. Oh yea (Big tymers voice...remember that?) she was bad.

Then I peeped her "situation" (no mike, ronnie, Pauly D, or vinnie).

Homegirl was freaking it on a crutch cause she had one leg!!!! That's right folks, you CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!! I can see the headlines now "Bad Bitch With One Leg Gets it Poppin at the Van Dome in New Haven." See...That's why I don't be goin to the Van Dome!!! (Intentional ebonical phrase of the day.) I knew I was gonna find a.) a sexy midget, b.) or some other fantasy of mine (like this) which would tempt me to cheat!!!

Now comes the questions....

Can she do doggystyle, and if so do you just call it a three point stance, or Tri-pod perhaps?

Do you refer to her as "the girl in the fishnet" instead of "fishnets".

Is her name Peggy or Eileen (Pronounced I-Lean. LOL).

Is her favorite restaurant I-Hop? That would make her a cheap date. LOL

If she met a dude with one leg would she let him hit it? Or would she think he was gross?

Would Missionary sex look like a figure 4 (or actually , figure 3 1/2) leg lock? LMAO.

All these questions floated around in my cerebellum as I fantasized about the beauty with the booty and the one legged coochie. Funny thing is, I never for once thought of this as gross, creepy or fetish-istic (made up word of the day.)

I guess C-4 was right. A Bad bitch is a Bad bitch regardless of so called physical deformities. I'd lick her from her lady lumps down to her stump, and if she keeps her hedges trimmed, I'd put my face in those bushes like a special ops stalker.

Moral of the story is, I'm goin back next week to try and bag her...cause she's sexy.

In the end I guess we are all just human beings, none inherently superior to the rest, as we all just...(wait for it)...put our pants on, 1 leg at a time!!!! LMAO.

Live, Love, Peppericans.

Shorty Pjs


MW said...

This is no surprise. You already informed your readership about your willingness to plug a peg-leg. How about her Asian friend Irene? (ba dum cha)

I have a theory about the retardedly catchy song "Stanky Legg". I am certain this song was inspired by some unipedal skank in "the club".

You know, that one club all black people go to, if common parlance and idiomatic expressionism is to believed.

Go get yourself some skanky leg. I commend your exploratory attitude.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha that's the chick from vandome she gets it in kid real talk she ok she really is not that bad tho

Rock said...

DEZO you are a hater. She was badder than half the chicks with 2 legs. That's the problm with you youngn's...cant see past a fat ass and big tits. Its more about th way you carry yourself, how well put together your look is, and how good she can skydive with her mouth. She was bad enough that we didnt notice the leg. ission accomplished. Oww Owwww.

Carl said...

That was me with the old peg-leg post, Wizzy. You wrong for that Irene shit tho, LOL.

MW said...

Actually, Carl, we're both right here (a ratio of C4:70/W:30). Although you were the original poster (I just assumed the sexual deviancy had been courtesy of Show), our mutual friend with the apparently unfickle pickle did follow up with a comment indicating he would indeed "try to get the contact info for the 1 legged hottie in th[e] jean skirt".

While that one-limbed bimbo seems to be a prime piece of manager-discounted irregular ass, the Lindy hopper pictured in today's post is ... rather mannish? She has a face like a bust of Julius Caesar. But at least she has more limbs. How can you nail just an upper torso?

And if you've got a bottle of Wet (Original), nerves of steel, and a dark heart of curiosity, that crutch can be your key to the kinkdom.