Thursday, January 21, 2010

Keepin it 100 Pt. 1: "The Princess and the Whore"

Avid Blog Reader: You guys have been going a little two heavy the past few days. Haiti, Martin Luther King, Child Molesters? Time to lighten it up.

Show-sho: F**k you. Jk, I feel you homie.

C4: Pause.





The Bros Present..."The Princess and the Whore"

Are you enamored with that girl? You know. The one who tolerates you, thinks you're cute yet obviously isn't that into you? Yeah. If you answered yes, you should probably stop reading now...or get a box of Kleenex. Pusssssssyyyyyyyyyy!



Fuck the age-old dichotomy which places every woman on a spectrum between loving mother or spicy pepperican whore.

Not every girl wants to be treated like a princess or a whore.

Every girl, however, does want to be treated like a princess…even the whores. (Especially the whores!) Hold on...let me explain before all you women and sensitive r & B thugs start saying “awwwwwww, the bros do have a heart.”

The first part of what I’ve said isn’t a revolutionary concept. It's neither something new, nor is it something of which the populus has been completely unaware. The next statement, however, is unknown to many men and is the underlying cause of their getting played like suckas by a hodgepodge of savvy opportunistic women. Sorry bit*hes, I’m revealing your secret.


Every woman wants to be treated like a princess, but only by the guy whose physical embodiment makes her succumb to her most carnal desires and feel like a whore. Yes it’s true and this is the penultimate reason that nice guys finish last. Sure she wants to be pampered and showered with gifts…just not by yo' punk ass.





Sorry to burst your bubble chief, but I may have saved you some money, heartache, and the epic fail of kissing your “vision of purity” who probably sucked off her main dude before visiting your punk ass.


Peep Game…I mean, read as I break down the intricacies of my theory.


Let me tell you something which all girls will co-sign, and which your dumb ass should already know. Chicks know, within 10 minutes of meeting you, whether or not they would fu*k you. This doesn't mean they're going to fu*k you now, or even next week...it does, however, mean that they would. If they felt like it.





Now think about the girl who you try to bring out to dinner and buy things with the hopes of eventually smashing or dating . She blows you off huh? Says you're "hilarious" or "Silly" when you say sexy things to her? Nothing against you cuddy, it's just that she's waiting for her thug knight in shining armor to do the same things as you...only not be such a bitch ass nigga while doing it. That's right, I said it. She don't want prince charming...she want's prince Tyrone (or prince Tito)...and a Newport. LOL. Basically, Prince Cooler Than You, Herb. You could have less thug appeal than a Jonas brother as long as you're attractive to her for some reason: you're funny, good-looking, smooth, whatever. And you don't sweat her like some bottle-buying, trickin' ass lame. Ya dig?


OK, your feelings are hurt now. This, I guess, would be the part where I offer you a bit of advice on how to successfully navigate through the rough seas of getting played like a Nintendo Wii.


You're sick? Want the remedy? Take two of these and call me in the morning. Kidding.


Make the decision. How bad do you want to fu*k her? Do you have feelings for her?


If you are willing to go about your business, accept her call whenever it comes and fu*k her so hard that she will become enamored with you, thereby allowing you to return to your harem of bi*ches and accept her call whenever you want or feel like it, then I say "my nigga, you've figured this sh*t out." Pimp pimp, hooray!!!


If however, you are a touchy feely type dude who has feelings for her, actually cares that she's out stinging other guys, or get jealous easily, I say this: "Exit stage left." She is not your princess, nor are you her Prince Tyrone. You want her to be the mother of your kids, but she'd rather get a # 3 from McDdonald's at the hands of her domestic violence boyfriend than get filet mignon (pernounced Fill-Ett, Mig-Nan by her ghetto ass) from your whitewashed bougie behind. Should've stuck to those free long walks in the park, you cupcake!

And why, might you ask???


Because girls are silly and irrational. Why do you think they keep hooking up with guys like us? Aaaaaw skeet skeet skeet!!!!

LMAO.


Live, Love, Whores to ya Door



The Bros

3 comments:

A2K-10 Virus said...

Didn't Chris Rock in a special talk about the whole 'A Girl knows within 10 minutes that she will fuck' already?

A2K-10 Virus
Coaxin these hoes to do his evil bidding through contamination

Rock said...

Not sure, I dont really rock with chris rock....I think its cause we got into a beef over who should b able to use the name "rock." I'm more of a Mike Epps fan...because Show-Epps would just sound plain foolish.

The Imperial WJA3 said...

I don't in the "girl knows within 10 minutes theory". You can definitely earn the reward with enough meals/liquor and not being a jackass.