Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I usually don't steal news, but when I do, it usually comes from www.hiphopdx.com
Shout out to Slava cooperstein...as always.
I saw this one this morning.
50 Cent Shovels Driveways For $100 Apiece
50 Cent expands his business portfolio - the old-fashioned way.
50 Cent's hustle knows no end, it seems, as the multi-millionaire offered to shovel neighbors' walks for $100 apiece.
Later on, Fif revealed he was expanding his business. "This snow moving business is just to see if laws apply to every business. After the first job I got 4 more now I have 3 kid[s] I hired."
Via his Twitter, one of the few the NappyheadedBros actually follow, Ol' boy Fif said:
"I'm going out to shovel snow and see if I can make me a few extra dollars today. I'm charging more if they want to take pictures."
While I'm sure it was more an assehole publicity stunt than anything, I'm sure he kept the cash, and the important thing is...50 actually gets it. Entertainers are paid because they're entertaining, not because they're intrinsically better than everyone else.
This isnt about "shoveling the white man's snow" or being a black man-servant....this is about hustling and how it is embodied by the 400 million dollar vitamin water man. Fifty fucking cent.
He's not bougiouse, watered down or a fabricated version of some person corporate america wants him to be. He's a rich dude from southside Jamaica queens, plain and simple. On top of that, he realizes something a lot of people, including myself often forget.
You gotta hustle to make things happen, and once they do happen...you still can't stop hustlin.
Respect the grind.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Yes, we pay to look the part while those without the need to do so spend their money wisely, eat organic foods and invest. Who cares though right? We don't need as much money as them anyway because, lets be honest...between 40 Ounces, bullets and Burger King...we won't live nearly as long anyway. Kidding...kinda. :/
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The kings (no, not the Latin ones) brought him gifts (Gold, Frankenstein and Murr...or something) and all was well. Well...guess what? Most of yall niggas don't deserve gifts anyway? Want a new car because you have important places to go? Oh, that's nice. Jesus had important places to go too. You think those places you have to go are more important than where Jesus had to go?
Taking pics of your food.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Everyone does not know your name...but they will remember your story, well...at least they'll remember ours.
So, it begins like it always does...four locos and 4 Loko. Unfortunately for Lefleur, the individual tasked with driving me, D-white and Dingo, he was unable to partake in the festivities until we reached our final destination, thereby forcing him to have to play "catch up." Bad idea.
Tako: You're drunk yada yada...I'm Show I like to make myself seem grandiose...I meat hop my own personal style and drinking ability....I run marathons and take pics with my shirt off....GET TO THE FUCKIN POINT Mop-head!!!!
Anyways.....after we get to Buc Dinero's crib in beantown and take a long train ride downtown we "begins to get it poppin" [sic]. A few rounds of brew, of which Buc Dinero somehow managed to not buy one round, and a few bar hops later we end up at the pour house...no pun intended.
Highlights include me and a white dude breakdance battling, a puertorican dude throwing up blood signs and soo-woo'ing in a room full of white people and me and D-white having a "Cat daddy" dance off.
The Cat daddy: Act like you're in a wheelchair racing. Pop a wheelie for style.
As we are leaving, we take some farewell shots.....Lefleur is no good ant taking shots.
Girl (Not seeing what happened behind her): Ugggh. I think your friend spilled water on me.
D-White: That...ummmm....That wasn't water (Bruh man from the 5th flo' voice).
Yes boys and girls, Lefleur threw up on the only black chick in the bar and escaped before she realized what happened. That wasn't even the hilight of the night... because we went to another bar next.
After we finally get to the "hood bar" Lefleur and Show start dancing with a black girl and a fat puertorican. Ill let you figure out who did what. This, however, is irrelevant as Dingo stole the spotlight on this twilight night.
Dingo (With his right hand holding his wallet): Did this chick grab my butt.
Pats butt (pause) with left hand feeling for wallet.
Dingo: Where's my wallet. This hoe got me. Oh hell no.
Mind you, his wallet is still in his right hand. He is drunk and oblivious to this.
Dingo: I felt that hoe. Give me my wallet.
Grabs her by the arm and gives her a little shake and pat down by the pocket of what appears to be a hoodie dress. In his defense it did look like she couldve been hiding something, but damn, son had her yoked up. LOL.
Dingo: Won't be no problems, just give me the wallet and go about your business.
Looks and sees wallet in his hand, forcing him to release his Kung-Fu Ninja Grib on the girl.
Dingo: I'm so sorry, I just....um....I mean....let me buy you a drink? My bad.
LMAO and D.E.A.D
R.I.P 4 Loko
Guess I'll have to make do with these....
Thursday, December 16, 2010
These were the two finalists...hence the double. LOL.
Wonder why they picked these two... Kidding.
I am currently not accepting anymore applications unless you too have a 4 Loko dress, and to be honest, I may even be lying about being single.
Lefleur: Oh no, you're definitely "living single". Maxine.
C4: I see Kyle, more than maxine. Compromise? "Ky-lene Shaw."
Show: Fu*k you.
And Btw, that beard that I cut off to look cross culturally acceptible and pull bi*ches....It's coming back.
Wja3: Oh Lord.
Tako: This ni**a aint single...he's just waitin to see which bi*ches come back around thinkin he is. Testing to see who's real and who's fake. My ni**a show is wild for this one.
Ingenuity at its best. Silly hoes.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I originally wanted to title this post "3 Rapes you didn't know you committed" but I figured that would turn off the conservative nappy heads, and we need them to read this too.... Since the rest of y'all Negroes don't get offended by anything and therefore don't comment.
Now, don't get this confused with us taking the subject of rape lightly or as a joke. We like Law and Order SVU and would do anything within our power to help Benson and Stabler protect rape victims.
That being said, on with the show...
Tako: Rape #1... the "let's get us both wasted so it's ok!"
Alcohol is mother nature's social lubricant. We get it. However, in America, having sex with an intoxicated girl, even if she's a slut and you are wasted too = a crime. Now, don't get me wrong, I do not mean to infer that having a Corona with lime shoot you an alley oop to the pussy slam dunk is a crime.
what I mean is, having sex with a women who is so slizzurd that "she doesn't say yes, but doesn't say no" and YOU have to help her strip ( not is a sexy way, but in a mom helping her drooling down syndrome son way) , you are not only going to jail, should she be sober enough to remember, but also hell. That nigga God most certainly does not forget, and as shown by the way they're treated in jail, God hates rapists.
Tako: Rape #2... the "hold her head while your shooting your load in her orifice."
This is different from trying to push her head down there... That's playful and she can easily slap you, push you off or bite you. If you still hold her head at this point it would require super he-man strength and that we be forceable sexual assault. The bros can't help you. Lose our number scum. Lol.
What we are talking about here is the climaxing culmination of consensual lovemaking... In the mouth. Lol. This special moment shared between 2 adults, after hours (or minutes) of her slobbing your knob Like a dog trying to open a dresser drawer, almost always ends in a pseudo rape situation as you let go the floodgates of your erectile burst all the while gripping the back of her head tightly despite feeling her try to back up a little bit and pull away. This is Gods work child, you catch it.
Don't make that face...you know you've done it before.
She keeps sucking so it's not technically assault... But be careful.
Tako: Rape #3... Facebook.
Huh? People are raping bi**hes off face book now? No, silly. I know it is a bit off topic, but I'm referring to the way you all on FB have been raping the English language with reckless disregard. Cut it out.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I know yall missed me...
Friday, December 10, 2010
Let us not forget his stints in between as an actor, see Ninja turtles pt. 2 (which was dope) or Cool as Ice (which was even doper based on the fact that his jheri curl juice dripped into his motorcycle engine and made it break down.) LOL.
Matter of fact, I distinctly remember in like 4th grade (I think), getting away with tying strings to a bunch of Ninja Turtle Action figures (they weren't dolls nigga!) and playing Vanilla Ice's "Go Ninja Go" on a little radio and making the toys dance. Yep, that was my school project...guess even back then I knew the value of being smart enough to avoid hard work. Nevertheless, I digress.....
The point of this post is not to glorify Vanilla Ice or villify those who are not as cool as he was and still is. The point is to talk about cooning ass ray J. Yep. I called him a coon. Whatcha gonna do about it? Come on nigga....you scared? WHAT YOU GONNA DOOOOO (Stinkmeaner voice.)
Tako: You foolin today boy.
Anyways...I saw a post this morning that made me realize, damn. This ni**a Ray J is kinda like Vanilla Ice. He's managed to stay relevant for over a decade without really working or doing shit!!!!!
Things he's done:
1.) Manage to pass himself off as an R & B singer despite the fact that he could not sing at all. Props to him thought for actually learning how to sing by the time his 3rd or so album came out.
2.) Manage to pass himself off as an Actor by getting a sympathy role on his famous sister's TV show...and basically playing a character which was "himself".
3.) Secure a Directors gig and contract with Adult film conglomerate Vivid simply because he was smart enough to realize the gold mine which was pre-fame Kim Kardasian's booty and shoot himself a steamy sex tape.
4.) Manage to pass himself off as an Actual celebrity, thereby allowing people to give enough of a fu*k about him to create reality shows based around his silly ass.
AND NOW THIS.....
Looking toward the future, Brandy's little brother says he wants to inspire his hometown and help the youth.
Actor/singer Ray J has built a rather diverse entertainment resume with five albums and various dramatic and reality television appearances. But according to a recent interview with AllHipHop.com, his most surprising career move has yet to be seen.
“I want to be the mayor of Carson California,” Ray told AllHipHop. The Los Angeles suburb has spawned a dozen or so celebrities, including Ras Kass, Bishop Lamont and one Willie Norwood Jr. (a.k.a. Ray J). With a crime rate significantly lower than the national average and an unemployment rate nearly 30 percent higher than the national average, what changes would the aspiring Mayor Norwood like to see?
“I would show young kids how to aspire to go be a mayor or aspire to be a doctor or a lawyer,” he said. “This Hip Hop shit and this music industry has got a lot of people clouded. They think it’s the only way to go, or to put out a sex tape and be successful. That shit is wack. You have to go out and use your true talent and read and learn. If I can inspire that by everything I’ve been through, then let me be the answer.”
For now Mayor Jim Dear and Carson’s population of nearly 100,000 will have to wait. Ray J is still focused on his entertainment career.
“I still got a lot of learning to do—a lot of focusing, a lot of reaching back out to the community and a lot of paying my dues.”
Dead. SHUT THE F**K UP RAY J AND KEEP MAKING GOOD BAD MUSIC.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
1. Black Jesus - Tell Me What That Thang Smell Like
This bad boy put Uncut on the map. It's the epitome of a BET Uncut video. The quality is so low that in the club scene (an empty club by the way), you can see shadows in the background from the camera guy (I refuse to call him camera man). The name of the group of two fat niggas is BLACK JESUS, and they're making a song called "Tell Me What That Thang Smell Like." Just process the ignorance contained in the previous sentence. But the hook is so fucking catchy though! Unfortunately I can't embed it off Youtube, but here's the link kiddies
Show: Fu*ck all that slime. You forgot the most important part. The bouncer at the club was making all the girls play with themselves so he could smell their finger before they gained enterance to the club!!! Thats pure fuckery fam.
2. Nelly - Tip Drill
This video was the most popular one ever because it came from a legit rapper. Nelly was selling more records than Jesus when he did this joint and it got big enough that they boycotted him at Spelman College. It's the best video quality of any Uncut video, catchy as hell, and has classic lines like "It must be your ass cuz it ain't your face." And the credit card swipe I think made it on CNN.
3. Ludacris - Pussy-Poppin'
Loyal readers will know we're no Luda fans, but you gotta get points for rapping from between the legs of an upside down stripper, and for naming your song "Pussy Popping." Great strip club video, you feel like you're really there.
Show: Boooooooo. That stripper was probably a damn tranny. Ol' punk ass bitch ass, sucka ass, sell out ass, skinny nigga with a pot belly ass Luda-Chris bridges. I aint hatin tho. He's just a hoe.
4. Joker The Bailbondsman ft. Bizzy Bone - Money in a Ziplock Bag
This Alaskan rapper had other Uncut joints like "Let Me See That Ass Drop," and "Club Hoppin'" but this one with Bizzy takes the cake, mostly for how high and hilarious Bizzy Bone is. And for the asses. Don't forget the asses.
5. Mighty Casey - White Girls
Undisputed Classic. Between lines like, "Don't tell Minister Farrakhan, he don't know what's going on," and straight ignant moments like rapping and pretending to get head, this hilariously off-beat funny-looking mulatto man makes this list for humor factor more than anything. Like the Bros, Mighty Casey is an Ivy League boy, except he went to Harvard. How do I know this? He used to work for a South Bronx after school program with one Jazzy Jen. How you go from Harvard to that video to community development I don't know, but that's kinda cool.
We miss anything? Let us know in the comments.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Fortunately for you all, this is not a "boo hoo hoo, fuck my life" type post because quite frankly, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ANYONE ELSES PROBLEMS!! (Myself included.)
What this post is, however, is pure gold.
I know a lot of people hate on my man (pause) R-Kelly, but in actuality, todays rapper-singers are much worse, and I have proof!! Shouts to Media Takeout where I first discovered this last week.
There is no sexual imagery, but dont let your kids or co-workers listen
to this song unless you'd feel comfortable letting them listen to a Richard Prior & Bob Sagat Stand Up Routine with Eazy-E and Uncle Luke performing at intermission. LOL.
The song title: And She said (Don't cum in me.)
No need for Nappyheaded commentary on this one...That's what she said.
Speaks for itself....bad part is, it's damn catchy. My day is better already. :)
Once again, Dead.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Let's have a toast to the assholes!
Let's have a toast to the readers!
And to all the Nappy Headed Bros!
C4 2 Ya Door once more today to commemorate a landmark of achievement for this site that I first predicted would happen in 2010. Between yesterday and this morning, www.nappyheadedbros.com officially broke 100,000 views, and that's dope! For our lil ol' blog!
This is cause for celebration, congratulation, and appreciation. First and foremost I want to thank Showrocka for coming up with the idea to start this blog. Of course I also wanna thank WJA3 the Bl-O.G. and Taka Flaka for being true NHBs also. Mostly though thanks to everyone who reads the blog, everyone who reads it again, and everyone who tells their friends about it.
That being said, we shall celebrate the best way we know how: DRANKIN'!
In these hard economic times one must be able to enjoy a good drink while keeping the price down, or at least getting maximum bang for your buck. I do so by chasing my liquor with more alcohol, ya dig? But the drink cant taste like crap either I'm no alcoholic...kinda. Hence I here endorse the following killer combos that YOU may use to toast to the coontastic scholastic bombastic and drastic hogwash tomfoolery you have come to know and love about the Nappy Headed Bros.
1. The Nina K., better known as the Black Russian
Vodka and Kahlua baby (4 parts vodka, 2 parts Kahlua). I renamed this drink after my homie who is in fact half black and half Russian. It's not as famous as the White Russian (insert Lil Richard tirade), but far more accessible at a bar, cuz most bars don't carry milk like that. More importantly bars often O.D. on the milk, which should be just a splash in a drink that should be mostly vodka. Plus, you really trust the quality of milk kept behind a bar? C'mon son. So subtract the one non-alcoholic part of the drink, and you still got something drinkable cuz of Kahlua, and strong as hell. I suggest this for your NappyHeaded club drank. Great for washing away the taste of that fat bitch you made out with outside on her cigarette break. Have enough and the shame will go away too, at least til tomorrow when you see your dirty deed on facebook.
2. The Careena, aka Jameson & Bailey's (2/3 Jamie, 1/3 Bailey, on the rocks)
100% Irish, just like the lady it's named after. This is my lounge drink, grown man cocktail for when I'm sippin' 'n chillin', in no rush to be anywhere, and less of a rush to be there sober. Same formula as before, just darker liquor and lighter liqeur. Fuckin' delicious, bitches! Definitely the tastiest of the combos on the list in my humble opinion. Ask LD from San Diego who brought my invention to the west coast. I be sippin' on this feeling like the most interesting man in the world and shit, LOL.
3. Vodka and Corona (proportion at your discretion)
So yeah, uh, one night me and Jazzy Jen were running out of Smirnoff but we each had our own 22 of Corona, and no shot glasses. So I poured a shot into the beer bottle and what I had was mostly that same Corona taste but with an added kick that actually tasted decent. By this point you're probably like, "C4 you wildin, you just endorse mixing any ol' two alcoholic beverages cuz you a broke nigga." To this I say eat a dick, because I do not endorse the Jamaican Hurricane of Wray and Nephew in Red Stripe. It's gross and I thought I would die (but I finished my drink, I ain't no bitch).
4. The Mali-Boo-Yow
You're probably familiar with this thanks to Kanye West, like me. Now I don't normally endorse doing things that Kanye does, other than make dope beats, cuz I don't want you guys to be egomaniacal assholes to everyone around you while dressing like a fucking fool. A gay one. But me and my sister decided one night to try this enticing combo of Grey Goose and Malibu. Then we decided that we didn't have money to buy Goose at the bar cuz niggas is broke, so we went with well vodka. And dammit, that shit was awesome. The Malibu takes most of the edge off, but not enough to forget the fact that you're mixing rum and vodka with nothing else, which I think is good cuz you want to know how twisted you're getting, real fast. Better that than not being aware of it and then falling down like a chopped tree in the middle of the club then getting tossed out by brolic niggas who love violence, aka bouncers. Not gonna lie to you though. Your hangover might be beastly the next day, so go easy and limit yourself to two, three MAX! Great for power hour though.
5. The Irish Milkshake aka Kahlua and Guinness
I have yet to personally try this, but enough reputable drinkers have talked about this being delicious and nutritious (mad nutrients in Guinness son, check your FACEGUYZ diet) that I had to include it in the list.
So there you have it Nappy Friends. And also a challenge to you all. For anyone (OVER 21) who can provide proof and witnesses that he/she has had all these Nappy Dranks in one night, and is alive to tell about it, you will receive a free NappyHeadedBros.com t-shirt. Why? Cuz you deserve one for being crazy enough to significantly jeopardize your longevity on this earth in the name of a free t-shirt.
2 Ya Door with Another Pour,
Monday, December 6, 2010
10 Messed up Thoughts I Actually Had while in Church Yesterday
1. Why is the reverend wearing this gay ass multi-colored rainbow sash?
2. The organist has a tremendously fat ass. I mean I guess it's wrong to say that, but not really. I mean God made her ass like that. Good job.
3. Reverend: And Jesus shall return as king of kings. You see this crown? Imagine Jesus's. 5 times as grand.
Show: this nigga will probably show up all iced out, with like 30 chains! Like plies... Probably not crosses or Jesus pieces though.
4. Old woman walks by after singing hymn and rubs my shoulder while smiling. These people are so nice. Wonder if she wants me to hit it. Shed definitely be an "over."
5. Now let us hold hands, make a circle and surround the sanctuary. Wow, why can't I be between two bitches. Preemptive no homo.
6. Trip Dip is probably whooping my ass at words with friends right now.
7. I'm glad I popped one off before I got here.
8. If I was the reverend and trying to get more people to convert, I'd put some E pills in the communion cups. People would think they're getting the holy spirit.
9. Reverend: And when Joseph was told that his fiance was pregnant and not by him, it was kinda like this situations on the Maury show where he says "you are not the daddy."
Show: Why are the only three black people the only ones smiling, and chuckling?
10. I'm gonna tell the pastor that I missed the last 2 Sundays to go to Eagles games... He went to Penn, he'll understand . I ain't tellin him I missed last Sunday for titties though. Nope. Just won't do it.
Lord forgive me for keepin it 100.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Perplexed? Me too. But on with the story.
Girl: I normally don't do this...I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I don't want you to think that.....
Obviously an intervention is going to occur. I swear, whenever Caveman gets drunk and a retardedly stupid yet not quite invalid girl is around, hilarity ensues.
Just to offer a little background, there is an app on the iphone entitled "Who's Here" where you can basically create a profile and randomly text message other people with iphones in the area. I swear the ingenuity of GPS and triangulation (combined with the creepiness of facebook stalking) will one day be the catalyst for stalkers (and "big brother") taking over the world. Anyways...two geniuses like myself and Caveman could not help but take advantage of a new world of slutty girls just one iphone app away.
Her tits were gorgeous. She had that non-descript, miscellaneous Asian look, and seemed like a party girl.
You could not tell she had gained 135 pounds (aka an entire normal sized person) nor that her face and body bore the splotchy battle scars of a fight with rosacia she had obviously lost. SMH. To this day we actually refer to her as Bulgogi, because she was fat and Korean...and Bulgogi is a type of Delicious , fatty, Korean meat. Thank's Boozay for introducing us to Korean food.
The Plan: Get Bulgogi and her friends to come meet us, party, drink and fornicate....with the last part being only implied.
What actually happened: Bulgogi calls at around 2am apologizing for not meeting up with us because her friends were being lame and were nervous about meeting a group of "random guys, because it could be dangerous." I agree with their logic by the way.
Bulgogi's Suggestion: How bout I come out there by myself and just hang with you guys? Do you mind?
How this seems safer, I do not know. We, of course agreed , thinking either an orgy would occur or someone would get lucky and the rest of us would play beerpong all night. She, of course, shows up at 3:00 am looking so fat and frumpy that we all just laughed at Caveman and told him good luck. For the record, she did have a nice and expensive Victoria's secret Bra. Gotta respect that.
Show: Dude, you did not kick her out drunk? What a d*ck. at 4:30am? That's just rude. You intervened huh?
Caveman: What else was I supposed to do? She asked for it.
Like always, I do not have the exact text of the conversation but from what we heard through the door and Caveman's recollection, this is how it went:
Girl: I normally don't do this...I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I don't want you to think that.....
Think that what? You're a whore...a slut...a prostitute who wasn't smart enough to earn a decent living from her morally lose and carnivorous endeavours. Don't cry, I'm saving your life.
What do I think of you? I think you're the type of girl who meets random guys on the internet and goes to their houses and bangs them. For Christs sake, you made me fist you? I actually cant believe how much of a whore you are. I'm sure you're a nice girl under the stench of Dick, slut and cum-slob but come on?! What did you think I was gonna say? I want you to be my girlfriend, girl who has just fucked me within 10 minutes of knowing me?
I think its time you re-evaluate your life situation. By the way, when was that pic from? Highschool? You're obviously like 30, and that was at least 100 pounds ago. You shouldn't deceive people. Your mom must be proud. I think you should leave..drive safe, I'm going to bed.
Show: WOW. Another Caveman Classic.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
There is nothing, i repeat...NOTHING like a Caveman intervention. My own parents have never even scolded me like that. Stay tuned for part 2.
Monday, November 29, 2010
At any point, the news cameras can make the decision to stop rolling the tape and say sorry sir but your assistance will not be needed for this report. Instead they let him ramble on and on, probably ending up with 10 times more footage than they actually show on TV.