Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Which of Showrock's Friends will be Asshole of the Year? (Pt.1)

Guess what? I already know what you guys like to read blogs about (i.e Showrocka's relationship theories, my crazy friends and C4's hodgepodge of Pop culture critiques.) The problem with this, however, is that I have to systematically reinvent these things on a daily basis in order to keep your renewed interest without deviating from my trusty tried and true formula. This being said, I'm going old school...but with a new school twist.

Don't like it ? Go eat a post mortem cadaver cunt stuffed with necrophiliac semen. Uggggghhhhkkk (Clipse Voice).

And now, presents to you...

Which of Showrock's Friends will be Asshole of the Year? (Pt.1)

Anyone who has ever attended or visited the University of Pennsylvania is familiar with a little place we like to call Philly Diner. We like to call it that because that's its name. LOL.

See that big sign that says open 24 hours? Yea....that's pretty much a moot point now, as the Diner's status as the only on campus all night eatery (excluding Fresh Grocer Supermarket), has been revoked. That's right folks....the food was never that great , though the seasonal pumpkin pancake jawns were the sheeeeit (the Dream voice), but no one cared because post club at 4:00am anything tastes better than drunken college girl Jager breath or cold pizza.

That's right folks, a staple in the west Philadelphia /center city area is no more...and no one is to blame, except one of showrock's friends. In his defense, however, Philly Diner has had shooting incidents before, but I guess this one (being a drive-by and all) was the last straw.

And now, the first nomination for Asshole of the year goes to Young Slope Rocka.

Slope: I think I've outgrown philly man...either that or these broads are getting uglier. I need a bourgeoisie NY chick who respects the art of poppin bottles.

Associate: Yea man, fu*k it. Lets just go get a grub, go home and call some late night scallywags.

Slope: Philly diner?

Associate: Done, and Done. Let's get, get, get it (Shawty Lo voice).

Seems like a typical 3:00 am convo at a late night diner right? Well it was. That is, until mr. Slope "always schemin on broads" rocka begins chatting it up with a nice brown skinned philly jawn seemingly sitting alone. I like this narrating shit. I feel like the unsolved mysteries dude.


Slope: So what you doin out here by's late. Your girls leave you at the club?

Brown skinned cutie: Nah, I was just hungry. I live around here.

(Whoop, Whoop...That + bamboo earrings = chickenhead alert!!!!!!! Seriously? You Left your house at 3:00am for pancakes and miscellaneous thug nigga courtship?)

Slope: So what you gettin into later? I was thinking....

In comes the ruckus of 5 dudes and 1 girl walking in and straight towards the brown skinned cutie.

Cash money Goon #1: What' the twist ma? I aint seen you in a minute.

Slope : Damn son, you don't see me standin here.

As slope laughs, drunk and apparently unaware that he's fuckin with the wrong dudes, he notices they all have matching tattoos...on their face.

Slope: Are those teardrops? You mean to tell me you all killed exactly the same amount of people at the same time...yea OK.

Cash money goon #2: Who the fu*k is this clown. They aint teardrops...they dollar signs, cause we about that money.

Slope the Penn grad investment banker turned wildly reckless hood nig*a finds this hilarious and is laughing in their faces while yelling:

Slope: you bout that money? How much you make a year nigga? I probably spent it on bottles at Mansion or greenhouse. Hahahahaha. Yall look retarded.

Associate (seeing the impending danger & grabbing slope by the arm): Let's go!!!

Cash money Goon #1: What this nigga talkin bout?

Associate: Nothin, nothin...we out. have a nice night.

Sounds like some stupid hogwash, drunken tomfoolery until slope and his associate arrive home and find out and call some smutty-ups (jump offs, casual hook-ups.)

Jawn #1: Yea we walked by philly Dinner and it was all taped off. It just got shot up! Some dudes came in there lookin for some loud mouth New York dude and couldn't find him so they shot up the diner. They said something about it possibly being gang related cause the guys faces were all tatted up. Think it was the bloods?

Slope: I don't know, but I sure could use some dome...

Jawn # 2: You nasty slope.

Slope: I don't care (Pun Voice). LOL.

As of this date in Spring 09', Philly diner has not been open 24 hours. Friends should not let friends piss off goons.

Live, Love, Pumpkin Pancakes



Carl said...

From those who know the real Slope:

"Yeah that sounds like new ****" - Commish

"Yeah that sounds about right." - ATL


Rock said...

"I underestimate the level of havock you and/or ur friends can cause" --Maino

Carl said...

"I didn't realize it was *****. Now it makes sense." - Dre Smoov