Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Showrocka Presents...Showrocka on Tattoos

I'm back...I'm sick (physically, not in the head....and no it's not La SIDA, though I did spend a few hours in a strip club the other day.)

So much to blog about that I'm almost at a loss for words, like Helen Keller in handcuffs....wait for it....(Katt Williams voice). Oh come on, you got that one. I know you guys are just as clever and witty as I, albeit a tad less methodical and cruel.

C4: Humility Breeds Success Show.

Show: Duly noted.

All these things being said, I'm finna (down south word of the day) blog about something of which I am very well versed and experienced with. Tattoos. Oww Owwwwww.

Showrocka Presents...Showrocka on Tattoos (Love seeing my name twice !)

I heard Nancy barrow (what up Nance!) on Hot 93.7 this morning talkin bout getting inked and how she loves her tattoo, yada yada yada. Unless you have multiple tattoos, have sat for more than a few hours or have at least a quarter sleeve, let's not used the words "inked." Mmmmkay?

Secondly, Nance started pontificating about how her tattoo has meaning and is therefore better than those people who have stupid, juvenile and or meaningless tattoos. Tattoo novice mistake # 1. You see, my friends, tattoos are like sex...You'll always remember your first and how much it hurt, if you like it you'll repeat the process and in the end, you get addicted and just want to repeat the process all the time with no discretion at all. Call me a tier three tattoo candidate...A tattoo porn star, swinger or Dp'ing cock monster gang-banger.

Every tattoo has meaning so long as you didnt get up while blackout drunk. The mark of the true tattoo aficionado is that he or she values form over substance. It doesnt matter what the tattoo is of, or what it means so much as it is well done and situated in an appropriate place. This, ladies and niggas with face tats, is a skill in and of itself.

Sure my first tattoo (a cross with a ribbon) had meaning. I wanted a tattoo and figured I could'nt go wrong with GOD...though it would suck if I converted to Islam for the free virgins. By the time I was on my second tattoo, my thought process was as follows. "Hmmm, I have a cross. I want something more gangsta to even it out. Ok, a Skeleton head with me against the world written on it. What's more gangsta than a death skull and a Tupac Lyric." Sounds dumb, but by tattoo number 6 I had downward spiraled into "I'll get a tattoo of this because I like it" territory.

The facts:

1. I have 8 sets, or 16 individual Tittes tattooed on my body.

2. My favorite beer is and always will be Guinness (with the exception of Duchess de Burgone specialty Flemish ale) and therefore I have a Guinness bottle tattooed on my Tricep.

3. Rib and Ab tattoos hurt the most, and surprisingly, throat tattoos don't hurt that bad.

4. Just because you get tattoos in coverable places doesn't make you more likely to cover them.

5. Getting names is fine, but covering them up is corny.

6. Tattooism is an incurable disease. You do not outgrow it.

7. It is possible to tattoo your inner lip but its a waste of money as it will not last to to the constant rejuvenation and death of skin cells.

8. Chicks will tell you not to get tattoos that look unprofessional, but thy will fu*k you if you already have them.

9. 1 tattoo does not make you capable of giving tattoo advice.

10. You know you're hood if you've been to, or even know what a Tattoo party is.



End...Well, more like "to Be continued"


P.S. If you've got any thoughts on Tat's, or big Tetas, I'd love to hear them. So comment, bitch!!


MW said...

This post was clearly an excuse for Show to get shirtless.

Fact no. 11: Your "ancient Chinese proverb" is probably a poorly-researched euphemism for "analingus". Don't kanji up your body unless you can say it out loud and know what the hell it means!

Supporting evidence?

My ex's mom and her lesbo partner wanted to get anniversary-celebratory tattoos with the character for wife (). Instead, they only got the right-hand part of the character, . Now these two dykes have matching tats on their necks that say "broom".

Dumb. Unless they are advertising their ad-hoc substitute for actual penis.

Rock said...

That, as you can see, is an exaple of poorly done tattoo work.

Abhi said...

my stomach still isnt back to normal. it was those raw meat white man burgers we ate. im not even gonna blame the shrimp crapperole or the half cooked chicken thighs...LOL