Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Awww you're cute...I want to beat you up now.

"Show me the sexiest, most beautiful girl in the world and I'll show you a man who wants to strangle her." --Pop.

Yep. That's pretty much right.

I don't care how rich, nice, beautiful, or fat ass- a-ful a girl is, at some point in time she crosses the threshold from "mildly annoying yet tolerable because I'm trying to or in the midst of hitting it" to outright obnoxiously irritating. This being said, I feel completely comfortable in making the next two statements with no qualms:

1.) If you've never wanted to Chris Brown your girl you = a bitch.

2.) If you have ever Chris Browned your girl, you've crossed the line and shouldn't call yourself a man.

Here's why.

Women push our buttons just to make sure that we still care, and to show us that thy are not pushovers. Little do they know, we are completely aware of this and only refrain from giving them two black eyes like a panda because we have yet to discover a straight alternative to sex with women. No homo. Sure some niggas are past this stage and only refrain from racooning the eyes of their significant other because they are tired of going to jail...but these niggas are outliers.

Don't get me wrong. I don't condone domestic violence. (Mary J Blige, punching your husband in the face at a restaurant is not OK). I do however, condone the thought of it. No harm no foul. It's like wanting to fu*k your girlfriend's friends, mom and cousins...just don't show up at the house with condoms wine coolers and Chris Hansen (To catch a Predator reference.) To me, admitting that you want to fu*k your girl up sometimes is the first step in a truly honest relationship and in all honesty, she'd probably rather hear that than "honey, lay off the chips...you're packing on those pounds like an overstuffed British wallet." If you don't agree with this theory because you've never wanted to karate chop your ho, you either haven't been with her long enough, have never dated a pepperican or only date boys (which allows you to actually fight them thereby eliminating the need for hypothetical violence.) In all of those situations, I feel sorry for you...and I feel sorry for your mother (Korean man from Menace II Society voice).

Real niggas unite!!! Let's start a bonfire and sing about how much we want to fu*k up our significant others! They may hate us for it now, but in the end, they'll realize that we hit them out of love...hypothetically speaking of course. LOL.

Disclaimer: Don't go out and actually beat your woman (unless she gives you an untreatable STD...what up Chris Breezy!! No homo.) Hiting women is a bitch move and quite frankly, its boring...like racing retarded people...no not like the super special Olympic gorilla strength retards...like regular, drool on myself retarded people. As a matter of fact, it is the equivalent to raping kittens. You wouldn't want to be a kitten rapist, would you? lol.

Live, Love, Women



Anonymous said...

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?.....Nothing, you already told her twice!

Anonymous said...

100,000 battered women in the world... And come to find out I've been eating mine plain !