Thursday, November 5, 2009

Showrocka on Relationships: 2/3 Aint Bad

"No Secrets can exist in a relationship. If you want the relationship to work you have to put your foot down...Go through his text messages and check his facebook"


That was the only word which came to mind, other than the phrase "Shut the Fuck up," when I heard a pastor utter the preceding phrase on my least favorite Hip Hop Radio Station. Yea, I know I just cursed at a pastor, but so what...he's probably statutorily raping little girls anyway.

That, however, is not my problem. My problem is the fact that women hear dumb shit like this and think it's true. It is not!!! Not at all!!! Men like this, peddling these Tomfoolerifical (new word) statements only discourage us regular men from keeping it 100.

That's right, men are scared that women have been so badly brainwashed by sucka ass dudes (who, by the way, are ALSO TRYING TO GET IN YOUR PANTS) and won't understand the logic of why she should stay out of your phone log. That being said, ladies read carefully as I'm doing this for all the fellas who havent lost their balls due to marriage or lopsided relationships.

Showrocka on Relationships: 2 out of 3 aint Bad.

Ladies, stay the fuck out of our cell phones. (A Public Service Announcement from Show-Sho no Homo and Chris Brown).

Girl: I've noticed you always have your phone with everywhere.

Guy (In head): Thats why its called a mobile phone and not a stationary one, jackass.

Guy (Out loud): It's just a habit. So I dont have to run around looking for it.

Girl: Whatever. So who you texting so much?

Guy: My homegirl Mary I grew up don't know her.

Guy (in head): If I said Maria she'd know she's spanish and I'd have too much explaining to do.

Girl: You want to f**k her huh?

Skerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt (Jamie foxx hand to face).

This is where the convo stops and an theory is born...

There are 3 elements to having a successful relationship, or your man leaving you to be in one with someone else. 1.) He has to want to fuck you (or her), 2.) He has to think you are cool to be around and hang out with, and 3.) he has to know 100% that a relationship with you (or her) will work.

This being said, 2/3 aint bad. If your man is off gallivanting with a girl he a.) wants to fuck and b.) thinks is cool to hang out with, you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. Sure you might go through his phone and see flirty texts or inappropriate comments on facebook photos but duh....he wants to fuck her, so it makes sense.

Why is this OK, might you ask? because men are rational creatures and have always been. We are also sexual creatures...and vain creatures...and like to make sure women still find us witty and attractive like you once did. Sure you tell us these same things now, but we've stopped believing you and need to hear it from another source.

Ex girlfriends, by default, fall into 2/3, 1/3 or 0/3 categories. If you've broken up, it means "IT DIDN'T WORK!!!" That doesn't mean you should trust her, but trust you can trust your man around her. Worst case scenario she'll think she can lure him away with some dome and end up looking stupid with a mouth full of skeet as he goes home and tells you about her dumb ass. Actually, that probably won't happen and I hope to GOD he wouldn't tell you if it did. LOL.

Gotta hit her with that Jody from Baby Boy line, "You lucky I let you get a taste of Daddy D**k". No homo. LOL.

Ladies, stop lying to yourselves and thinking that by looking through your mans texts you'll feel better. You won't...and his dumb ass will probably let you look through them!!! BTW, fellas, stop doing that. Everything you find in there , (other than a 4:00am Phone call right before he had to "go out for bread") will seem inappropriate when read out've context. Just know that yes, your man has female friends that he hangs out, yes he wants to fuck some of them and no, he wouldn't actually risk fu*king up the 3/3 deal he has at the moment.

Trust me, he's probably tried risking a 3/3 for a 2/3 once and it DIDN'T WORK!!! IT NEVER DOES!!!! It sounds counter intuitive but believing in this theory is really the only way to keep things running smoothly. Ask me how many times I've gone through wifey's phone...I actually just found out she had one yesterday!!! LMAO.

Brotha's keep it 100 and hide your phones. JK. Delete al the really reckless stuff in case she gets nosey, and put your foot down when she tries to pull that "let me get your voicemail pin #" shit.

Tell the most important 11 words your relationship will ever hear...

"Baby I Love You, But Get The Fuck Out My Face."

Live, Love, Relationships


P.S. Feel free to affirm my theory or call me a jackass on my facebook wall or in the comments section :) Bitches....


MW said...

You're a highly logical jackass.

And that being said, one man can hold several fractions, in my humble opinion, so long as only one of them resolves to 1:

the single 3/3 you may have is your girl (or guy, gotta be ecumenical);

the 2/3's MUST be fuckable hangoutable people, but shouldn't be those with whom you can "make it work", since this is just good sex and friendship, but not a relationship, which is reserved for the 3/3;

the 1/3's may either be fuckables (i.e. fuck buddies or booty calls), or else simple friends (who you may or may not want to fuck, but don't);

and finally the 0/3's are people you banish the hell out of your life.

If you ever have TWO 3/3's competing for your time, you've got two girlfriends (or boyfriends), and THAT is slightly fucked up.

Unless you're in a polyamorous relationship. Which, based on friends' experiences, seems to have it's own set of problems and probably a whole different set of vulgar fractions.

And yes, these are vulgar, dirty fractions, sponsored by Showrocka, who is 1/4 hood prophet, 1/8 lunatic fringe, 1/8 arrogant bastard, and 1/1 real.

Rock said...

1/8 Arrogant...I'll take that. No homo.

Anonymous said...

You just singlehandedly put me in my 2/3 place. Everything makes sense now. Thanks. LOL

Show-Sho no H said...

Whoever Anoymous is, (JK, I know who it is), that's pretty funny. It's actually hilarious. And you know I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve my 2/3's.. Hahahahahaha.