Thursday, October 15, 2009

Showrocka your friends are fools: The Perry Jackson Story/

For those of you unfamiliar with Perry Jackson, consider this your introduction to one of the funniest most talented singer/actor college graduate's who is not gay. For those of you who do know my homie and former band mate Perry....well....enough said.

My first, and many other people's first, memorable interaction with Perry came when, due to extenuating circumstances (I.e fucked up haircuts), he somehow ended up getting 4 hairstyles in one day!!
Yes...going from cornrows,
to tapered Afro,

to Jerhi Curl

to Bald head

in a period of a few hours will not only make you a spectacle, but it will make dozens of students trek across campus just to come see it. At one point the dorm was so crowded the security guards had to stop letting non-residents in.

Another time I remember Mr. Jackson screaming my name (Pause. NO HOMO) as he and a girl he was hooking up with had managed to get stuck underneath a bed and couldn't get out.

OK, the stage is set. You now know they type of assclown Tomfoolery Perry and myself are capable of. Lucky for me...this time I wasnt there...but C4 was.

Showrocka your Friends are fools (pt.1): The Perry Jackson Story

Considering the fact that my ni**a Perry, excuse me..."P.W", is an actor and shit, this dude should be used to taking more head shots than Pamela Lee. No homo. Surprisingly enough, however, the kinda head shot he took a few weekends ago was second only to John Wilkes Booth or Kurt "no homo for sucking on the barrel" Cocaine...ahem...Kobain.

Thats right ladies and gentleman, I have to channel my inner Smokey from Friday on this one in proclaiming that "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmn, [P.W] Got knocked the f**k out!!!!

Now, hold on...hold on. I don't put my boy on blast to ridicule him, but rather to emphasize the point that oftentimes we do things that are flat out wrong. Our bad, we fu*ked up. That does not mean, however, that it gives motherfuc*as the right to do shit thats waaaaaay more wronger!!! LOL. So what if I make up words, I can do that. It's a blog, not a dissertation hoe.

Wrong: Being tipsy in the club is cool, remember? J-Kwon made a song about it. Being Drunk in the club, however, is a bit of a grey area despite what Jamie Foxx may try to convince you. Now that this is established I can safely say that once your judgement becomes clouded from alcohol, the best place for you to be is in a regulated environment with rules so that you are essentially chin "checked" before breaking any laws. Case in point. Unless you are mid R-kelly song, or making it rain on a female, grabbing ass in the club is wrong.

Now, we don't know that P.W. Grabbed ass and he most likely didn't. This is pure speculation. What we do know, however, is that he attempted to hump up on a female rump like she was part camel. and he was part Bobby Brown. Unfortunately for him, the Jay-Z lipped heifer wasn't havin that "L.A. Nigga try to hop on a NY chick" type of vibe and treated him like Alicia Keys and Jay did to lil mama. Ouch. What he did next was wrong, but not that wrong. He called her a few "bitch-hoe-slut" obsenities and kept it moving. No harm no foul.

Wronger: I'm queen Jackie-Joyner Kersee, roid rage amazon Joan of Arc and aint nooooooooobody calling me no bitch!!! She probably didn't say that, but she was thinking it. Next thing you know, she blindsided my boy P-Dub with a bottle of Grey Goose to the head (insert sound effect: Crrrack) then poured it on him. Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

That aint right. Maybe cursing back at him wouldve been acceptable, maybe even throwing a drink in his face....but noooooooooooooooo.....she had to crack an expensive ass bottle of Goose somebody else obviously paid for right upside P-dubs dome. Good thing he had the Lil Weebie-emanuel Lewis fro to pad the blow.

This, my friends is assult and battery! Just like when black people think its ok to beat up racists for calling them niggers. It's not OK, unfortunately, and neither was this.

SMH. She could've killed old boy AND shoulda been sent to jail. P.W. on the other hand was rude, but did not break the law. Therefore, bitch, you were wronger. Fu*k what you chicken head friends told you...Don't Believe the hype (Perry and Flava Flav Voice).

Wrongest: (Hypothetical Covo)

P.W: Yo son, this chick just cracked me with a bottle of goose!!!

Bouncer: You're blocking the walkway this is a Fire Hazard.

P.W.: I'm bleeding profusely from the head!!!

Bouncer: You got a problem tough guy, huh? Can't keep your blood off the floor? Had too much to drink?

P.W.: See that girl holding the bloody, broken goose bottle, she assaulted me.

Bouncer: Can't you read the rules on the wall. No Bitch-ass-ness? You gotta go!!

A few words exchange and the next thing you know, P.W. is face first on the pavement giving concrete cunnilingus. Sure you usually get fucked up for screaming at a bouncer, but in this case P.W. was justified in demanding the girl be escorted out. I personally would've just skeeted in my hand and slapped her with it, but eh....who needs a sexual assault charge. Nevertheless he took his whoopin like a man (besides the whole snitching thing) and should be commended for not Chris Brown-ing her. However, if he did mollywop her ass....we'd shrug it off and say hey, we're all human and make mistakes...or even better yet, say: "we're just ordinary negroessss" (Perry and John Legend Voice.)

Moral of the story, if you grab ass in the club...RUN!!!! Just kidding...caress it, because it may be the last time you do so with all your teeth present. LOL.

Seriously, the moral of this story is that wrong is never justified by wronger. Sure two wrongs can make a right (sheeeit, "even" equals "right" in my book), but they have to be equal wrongs. If your girl cheats on you, for example, you can't get go and get a group of gay thugs to rape her father. That's not equal. You can, however, admit that you've already slept with her best friend. Follow the logic? Good.

Females, just because a man yells at you doesnt give you the right to fight him, unless of course you have a signed agreement that says he is not liable for fucking you up and keeping his pimp hand strong. I would never hit a woman... though yall make us want to sometimes. Just remember, we have female friends for a reason...and if we give them good enough di*k...they will FU*K YOU UP!!!!! LOL. That being said, make sure you treat your man with respect and save the boxing for the Boxers.

What up Chad Dawson? !!! New Haven Stand up.

P.S. Here is P.W.'s actual post-fight (or during fight) transcript from his blog...which actually reads like a Twitter...

posted by Perry at 6:53 AM: OK. Done with clubs. Got hit by a girl over the head with a bottle by a girl last nite then proceeded to get my teeth kicked in by a fat bouncer. I love NY!!!

posted by Perry at 7:02 AM: I probably deserved it... I shouldn't be so popular!

posted by Perry at 7:06 AM: Chicks dig scars. I just wish Obama would hurry up with this healthcare so I can get my teeth fixed!

posted by Perry at 7:57 AM: I'm Rocky Balboa in this muthafucka. Takin the hits, but you can't hold me down! Eye of the Tiger

posted by Perry at 8:17 AM:And the funny thing about it is that we stopped like 3 other fights that nite! Don't F#ck with the Peacekeepers

Oh by the way, F*ck them n*ggas at Touch in Midtown Manhattan. You don't cockblock and then proceed to beat up your customers! Its bad business!!!

posted by Perry at 10:59 AM: Last time I'll say it. You ever come across a guy, you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me.

posted by Perry at 11:34 AM: Lord forgive them for they know not what they do.

posted by Perry at 11:41 AM: New York don't love you, it loves yo money


Showrock: Chad, when you gonna let me whip that Bentley son??

Live, Love, La Lucha.



Akira said...

I was dancing with PW that night and felt the Grey Goose rain down on me. I went over to the girl to confront her (Drunken Diplomat) and was met with a slew of apologies and a free drink. Random Girl in the Club wins.

Rock said...

Hahahahahahahahaha. Akira that is hilarious!!! That's why I don't go to clubs. I would've tried to get her number, gotten to know her and once invited to her house, wrote "This is for Perry" on her bathroom wall in feces. LMAO. Maybe that's a bit much.

Akira said...

lol. I love your drawn out plans for revenge. However, she was a very attractive "feisty Latina". You would have curled up next to her and cooked her eggs the next morning. Ha!

PW said...

Ummm... It Wasn't Me...