Friday, October 9, 2009

Ladies Please Stop Shakin your Ass in the Club!!!!

Excuse me miss...

Yes you, with the voluptuous curves, pretty brown round and thighs thick as phonebooks covered in pizza dough.

No , not you...

You with the sexy silhouette, buxom bosom and ass that has just the right amount of jiggle, like those little cut-out Jello mutherfuc*as Bill Cosby used to advertise.

I don't wanna seem like a jerk, but your ass is so fat you popped a seam in your skirt (Sweatpants and a thong reference...who reaaaaaaaly knows Show-show no homo? ) Lol.

I'm kidding. You're skirt is fine, as are you. Hopefully you have a sense of humor. Now... I know you've just met me, but I want to ask you a small favor...

Show: Can you please stop shaking your ass in the club?

Random niggas: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt!!!????

Don't get me wrong... we love to watch you sweat and dream of the kind of unprotected love that only leads to us turning those nice firm cakes into hot sticky buns, but it eventually poses a problem...

The societal implications of your budadonk shaking like casino dice is just not worth the aesthetic pleasure or sweet release of beating our meat in a club bathroom with your fine behind as a masturbatory aid.

That's right. I said it. Ladies, stop shaking your ass in the club...and if you haven't started...DON'T!!! I'll explain why in a minute.

Showrocka Present's: Ladies...Please stop Shaking your ass in the club!!!

I'll be the first to admit it. I love a nice firm, fat booty. Hell, let me stop lying...I'll even take a cottage cheesy pernil-culo if its on the right Pepperican. That being said, It hurts my heart to have to call for this D.O.A... Death of Ass Shaking. I'm making my stance known as of this moment. If you wanna shake your ass...wash it first...and then get a job at a strip club...but keep that shit outa the nightclub.

Jello Jiggler Ass Related Problems

1. On the periphery, you have small problems like "all women thinking they are fine because they have a fat ass", "other women thinking their ass is nice and therefore displayable just because its big", and "white girls equating 'big and square shaped like spongebob (no homo)' to Fatty-bangin'" just because some black guy who wants to smash told them so.

2. Worse than this, hoes wear ridiculous outfits in order to show-off their only asset which can rhythmically seduce you and thoroughly disgust you by expelling toxic odors. What? Pus*y can't dance (that well) and titties don't smell (usually).

Now i know you all are thinking, "that's all you got Showrock? You wanna forbid booty shakin because fat girls are wearing thongs and bitc*es are getting attitudes, thinkin they fly?"

Calm down little ni*ga. I'm not through.

Ironically (especially considering the fact that I called him a homo a few days ago), Biggie had the right idea. Keep it hood ladies, "rub your titties if you love [Showrock]!" Uhhhh. That's right. Big never called for ass shaking because he knew what would become of it...the one thing worse than Slavery, running out of chicken and getting a white girl without a fat ass pregnant all simultaneously...

Yep you guessed it...he knew it would lead to JIM JONES AND DJ WEBSTAR CREATING AN ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Insert Ominous Music and Niggas doin the "Chicken Noodle Soup Dance." Yes, he's the nigga responsible for that.

Jerry Springer Final Thought Where Show Ties it All Together

As long as women are shaking their asses in clubs, Musicians will feel they have poetic licence to make songs FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF GETTING GIRLS TO SHAKE THEIR ASS!!! The intent was good, but they never thought about the fact that we would all have to listen to this terrible audio-garbage. Yea son. I'm talking to both you auto-tune-coons. Stop it. It's disgusting.

You've never heard "titty shaking music" and if you did, I'm sure it would be a lot better than this nonsense. Think about it. The more infatuated and mesmerized by sex you are, the more the music doesn't matter at all. Why do you think PORN MUSIC IS AWFUL and albums written by niggas in Jail, where there are no bitches, (see Tupac: All Eyez on Me) are so much better! I can honestly say though, I never thought music would get so bad that we'd actually contemplate getting rid of ASS as a solution. Fu*k it. Blame Jim jones.

Wait a minute. That's not fair. Let me try that again. Blame DJ Webstar and Jim Jones. I mean, sure, it's been all downhill since Juvie's back that ass up, but this....this shit right here nigga??? (Jay Z Voice)...Is ridiculous.

Drops Mic.

Picks Mic back up.

Show:I aint done

C4: Then Why'd you drop the mike, jackass.

Show: Shut up.

Just to reiterate. Anybody who loves hip hop will kindly ask that the big booty broad in the True religion stretch Denim (or Baby Phat / House of Dereon if she's Caucasian) to stop shaking her ass. Show some restraint son. Do it for America.

Any Chica with self respect will stop the hogwash assfoolerific shenanigans and take a stand. I don't care if your ass is fatter than an obese baby in a pamper full of elephant us all a favor and save us from Jim Jones by just rubbing your titties instead.

Trust me...rub em' enough and they'll get sweaty and sexy too...and unlike ass crack, they won't smell or make sitting down uncomfortable.

Live, Love, Titties more than ass...for now...

Show-Sho no Homo

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