Tuesday, October 20, 2009

17 Year old Knockers: In Honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Welcome bitches.

I'm sorry, let me re-phrase that. Welcome, bitches, to the first joint post by Mr. Mulatto and Shorty ShowRock Show, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Shout out to everybody with cancerous titties, niggas that beat cancer (Lefleur What up!!!) and people who will end up getting it from text messaging next to the microwave too much.

Not too make light of the situation, but in all honesty, don't you think its weird that no fine ass females have to go through chemo and end up bald. Think about it....If Amber rose and Star Jones were in a room, who do you think would end up getting diagnosed with cancer? Exactly. Sometimes i think God is cruel, but other times I realize he's just a nig*a (no offense) and hence, pretty women get all the breaks...as they should.

Sorry Ug-mo's. Look on the bright side though...it's almost Halloween which means an = playing field ...unless you're fat, in which case it's your own fault anyway.

Anyway, as you can see, today I figured I'd continue my unabashed recklessness while giving you a first look at an up and coming tennis star, talking about titties and thoroughly offending anyone with a teenage daughter. Oww Owwww.

Seeing as how I happen to know (mr. Mulatto voice) that niggas don't really know much about tennis, I will relate it to something they may be familiar with...Track...or simply running from the police. Running, as I'm sure the general laws of gravity or physics can tell you, is best done without the weight of large titties bouncing against ones chest, sternum or midsection...what...just think of how low old titties sometimes hang. Exactly. This being said, the same gravitational laws apply to other, whiter, sports such as tennis.

Enter Simona Halep. No pun intended.

Is it wrong to talk about 17 year old knockers with drool hanging from your bottom lip? Probably...but who cares...she's older than Miley and they say celebrity adds three years. That being said, for today's purpose...she's 20. LOL.

How the f**k are you supposed to swing a tennis racket with those two pumpkin patch jack-o-lanterns plastered to your 5 foot 7 inch frame? This is ri-tit-ulous. LOL. Funny thing is, despite carry the weight of the world on her...ahem...shoulders... this girl is still an exceptional tennis player.

To put it in perspective, people are calling her the next Anna Kornikova. Are they forgetting she was merely hot and sucked at Tennis. Nevertheless, I digress. Point of the story is, Simona wants to further her Tennis game rather than her porn career (come on guys, shes only 17) and has planned a breast reduction. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Those procedures are known to be dangerous....

God forbid something happen to poor simona while she went under the knife. We would never be able to forgive ourselves. Lol.

Exactly. Now you see what the problem is when a society decides to let a 17 year old make her own decisions. Sheeesh. She definitely would've regret this one later down the line when she's just a mildly attractive albeit washed up junior tennis has been. More importantly, her decision would've been selfish.

Think about it. If every woman in the world had Double D's, 1/3 of the malnourished and starving children could be saved from painful deaths merely by sucking down that maternal milk, while at the same time, this would create an excess in the worlds food supply, thereby helping everyone. End world hunger. Save the Ta Ta's.

Think I'm an ass? Well, you are correct. Shock Jocks Opie and Anthony, however, are bigger asses. They actually created a petition to physically stop the Romanian tennis cutie from getting the reduction, under the excuse that she was "too young." LMAO. They even created the now defunct site www.savethetitmonster.com . Don't click it, they've since taken it down. This, however, is an insert I snatched from it while it was still up:

We here at SaveTheTitMonster.com and your friends at the Opie & Anthony Show would like to inform you, the avid Junior tennis fan, that busty Simona Halep is planning on getting a breast reduction later this year. How we see it, God doesn’t need 15 pounds of fatty breast tissue, not just yet. Our goal (as fans of Junior tennis, of course) is to simply stop her from making a mistake that could potentially fix her aching back and/or improve her tennis game. We urge you to sign our petition and take your part in stopping this very gifted young lady in her future selfish operation to better herself.Simona - Do what’s right.

This is wrong on so many levels (But right on so many more.) There are chemo stricken bald headed hoes that would die for those tetas!!! Look at you, giving away God's gift as if to say "Sorry God, I'ma let you finish....but C cups would've been much better for my athletic build. (Kanye Voice)"

Selfish prick.

As you can see from the picture (Simona on the right), the petition failed and they upheld a 17 year old's right to choose. Booooo nigga Boooooo. I guess it's all good though...we'd much rather have a Chuck-E-Cheese faced mediocre tennis star than a hot, athletic anomaly...right?

Tis a sad day when we choose rackets over racks, but simona...we wish you the breast..ahem...best.

Live, Love, DD's

Shorty Showrock Show

Newspapers, Oreos and Zebras

Mr. Mulatto

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