What's worse than being condemned to a lifetime in hell, might you ask?
Going to hell with gonorrhea and pissing razorblades as the Devil sings an auto-tune duet with Ron Browz about your bad decisions.
Is that a Prada suit Mr. Bush? If so, you know what they say about people who wear Prada.
LMAO. Just kidding on this one, but love that shirt!!!! No homo. No Terroristo.
Naturally, I digress....
Luckily for me and my friends, we're getting used to the auto tune...and pissing razors is one of those things like getting a tattoo...hurts at first, but you get used to it.
The reason I say this is because despite my own christian upbringing and desire to do right, I know that my friends and I will be playing our last games of beerpong in a place hotter than slave nuts, and I ain't talking about Jamaica. Yes, that's right...We've given one too many pearl necklaces to still have a shot at entering the pearly gates, but It's OK because we know Jesus loves us...he just can't really fudge the numbers enough to get us in and still uphold his own saintly reputation.
Now I know you are thinking, what could you all have done that was so bad to guarantee your entry into hell? Rape? Murder? No, No,No. None of the above. I just firmly believe that our standards of acceptability are not compatible with the heavenly Ethos. In other words, we just think too many fuc*ked up things are OK !!! Let me explain.
Showrocka you're going to Hell, but your friends are going First!!!!
Midget tossing in college? Not OK. Letting friends sleep with retarded girls? Not OK. Secretly videotaping threesomes? Not OK (and illegal). Stealing from stripping single moms and hookers? Not OK. You see where I'm going with this.
Now don't get me wrong, we haven't done anything as fu*ked up as Mr. Tucker Max (at least not yet), but a conversation last week led me to believe that if left to our own devices, without the checks and balances of each other, we may fall down a slippery slope from debauchery to degeneracy to strung out pervert-dom. Here's how the convo began...
Show: The Frat boys are getting ready for New Student Orientation, we should help them throw a party.
Mija: Yea man. They're kinda pissed at us. The kinda removed us from their chapter meeting for being those drunk alums who called them pussies and kept interrupting their stupid ideas.
Mija: We need to have a Lina Medina, Baby Pop Off Party...
Mija: Have people walking around with fake babies as drink dispensers.
Skerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt. This convo should've stopped at "whatever." For those of you who missed the Lina medina post, she was the worlds youngest mother, who at age 4 became pregnant after being molested. This being said, I am to blame for giving her the nickname "baby pop off" (what? Someone popped off in her when she was a baby with fully developed tetas and reproductive organs), but my friends are to blame for taking this TRUE STORY extremely too far! Plus Lina's still alive and would probably get her indigenous husband to fuck us up. That is slippery slope tier one. Here is tier two.
Show: That'd be funny, but too fucked up. I would feel bad even going to a party for college freshman, even if we were throwing it. Young girls have round, neotenous features. I like grown, sharper facial features.
neotenous = big eyes, rounded nose and cheek bones, etc. As opposed to sharper, grown up features (see below).
Mija: Like Men? Hahahah
Show: F**k you.
Mija: You mean to tell me you wouldn't do Brittany in the one more time video? How can you say her sweet, young vagina isn't the ideal of perfection.
Show: You're sick and she's an outlier. She was like 17. It's still sick.
Mija: you're full of shit. Back in the early 1900's you know what the age of consent was? 10 years old.
Box: Ummmmmm. That's cause life expectancies were like 25.
Mija: Whatever, we don't sleep with young girls simply because the law says we shouldn't. It has nothing to do with hormones!! We're internally prepped to know when a girl is "ready to go", no matter how old she is.
Show: He would've banged Lina Medina using that logic.
Slippery slope tier 3 approaching. While Mija may have been joking (I hope), he had this look of madness in his eyes that said he would've pounced on a consenting 12 year old with boobs had she been present. That's just speculation though. Nevertheless, the realm of "things Not OK" had already been breached.
Mija: I can smell when a girl is ripe!
Show: So you'd do a 8 year old with boobs?
No man! 8 year olds don't have real boobs.
Show: But if she did, you'd do an 8 year old with a 20 year old's rack?
Mija: Yes! Because for her to have that rack shes ready mentally and physically! Well, maybe...you can just smell when she's ready son!
Show: How big would her boobs have to be?
Cass: D cups.
Box: Listen to yourselves!!!!!!!! All of you!!!!! Quit egging each other on, and Mija...I am worried about you. Maybe its all that vodka talking, but we may need to register you as a future sex offender.
Show & Cass: Hahahahaha.
Mija: Not funny...but whatever....you guys just won't admit it.
We then proceed to leave the house, whereby upon passing every girl, Mija pretends to sniff her and keep the joke going. Funny thing is...It wasn't a joke. We are all going to hell, some quicker than others.
This brings up the idea of whether the intent is just as bad as the act? In this case it DEFINITELY IS!!!! Nevertheless, we may go forward with the Lina Medina Party. What? Its funny....and that bi*ch lives in the Peruvian Andes anyway...she'll never find us.
Live, Love, Differences of Opinion