Thursday, September 24, 2009

"She can walk witha switch and talk wit street slang"

Yo! What up, fam?! It's, we in the building, it's going down, you know how we do, all day every day! Eh-y-thing is eh-y-thing, son, what's really good?! You know what time it is! We makin' it do what it do, we puttin' it down, we holdin' you down all day, let's go, let's get it!!!

(takes a breather)

Whew. Alright, so what it did I just say in that first paragraph? If you answered, "you were kickin us off with the fly intro, letting us know what time it is (amongst other things)" then I have a very special prize for you. To claim it, immediately close your browser window, shut down your computer, go take two turd pills and wash em down with a glass of stripper period, you jackass!!!

For those of you (and I'm assuming that's the vast majority of our readership, or else we have created a worse monster than we thought. Maybe I did go too far with the coon post) who said "that was nothing but marginally coherent cliche and filler," continue reading. You are somebody.

Why is it, then, that the Terrences and Rocsi's, Khaleds (he the worst!), Funk Flex's and countless other radio DJs and music-related personalities bombard us constantly with 8-hit combos of catch phrases until we no longer know what they mean to accomplish by saying them? Or worse, maybe they don't even know what they mean to accomplish with this verbal SPAM attacking our collective aural inbox. Early.

In all honesty though, cliched slang has been a part of the urban vernacular as long as we remember. JJ Evans said Dy-No -Mite! Fat Albert sais Hey-Hey-Hey. When was it, however, that individuals dumb ass catch phrases turned into collective and ubiquitous societal lingo used as much as possible?

I can't front. "What's really good?" sounds a lot tougher than "How are you doing today." But once it morphed like a Power Ranger into "what's really, really, really good?" Or "What's hood?", it became ridiculous and transcended the realm of tomfoolery.

Are you serious? What's hood? Hmmmm. Pissy staircases, tenement housing, crack rocks, naked children, busted open fire hydrants? Oh, you meant how am I feeling or what am I up to. I'm sorry, you blatant use of a nonsensical catch phrase blurried your intent into a nebulous colloquialism.

How'd all this shit get out of hand, might you ask? The Coon Coalition aka Funk Master Flex, Prodigy from Mobb Deep, Snoop Dogg, E-40, DJ Khaled, Max B & French Montana, Ghostface Killa, Nore and the Dipset. These are some of the worst, yet most influential people to create dumb yet accepted slang. Terence J is not included because he just hops on everyone elses sack and steals their swag and lingo.

The Rapper...The Offense

Funk Flex:

"This shit is Ugly"or "This is Super Ugly"meaning that something was "quite good." Also, Being the first to play Juvenile's 'Ha' and popularizing it because he thought it was sooooo bad that it was funny. Joke's on him.


"Dunn-Dunn", "Dunny" meaning "homeboy, friend or aquaitence.

Snoop Dogg:

"Fa Shizzle" meaning "agreed or for sure". "What's Crackalackin" short for what's crackin or whats up.


Too much nonsensical, bastardized slang to list (he has his own slang dictionary coming out.) Highlights include "Fetti" for money (short for fetta cheese). Also the popularizer of the term "Captain Save a ho." Ok, 40-water gets a pass. We like his slang.

Dj Khaled:

'We the best, who, weeeeeeeeeeee nigga' and before that the phrase "Listennnnnnnnnnn" . While nonsensical in origin these phrases were latched onto by Deejays and Radio Personalities making them 1000000X more annoying. They also mean nothing and to top it all off...Khaled isn't even black. He's Arab. SMH.

Max B & French Montana:

"Owwwwww" which means nothing, and "Wavvvy" as in cool. Possibly derived from "Groovy". Alternate uses include riding the wave aka "being aware of the flyest new shit going on" or being on that wave aka Drunk. This is one of those words like "Jawn" which can really mean anything. I.e. in philly you can translate "did you see the girl in the green shirt in front of the mailbox?" to "Aiyo, did you check the jawn with the green jawn on in front of the jawn right there?" I have seriously heard this convo go down.


PLEASE NOTE JIM JONES HAS HIS DOOBIE (Hair) WRAPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"What's really good", "Aye", "Baaaaalin", and the faggoty trend of niggas rocking oversized earrings and pink gear. The phrases however are what offend me. "Aye" is just a sound, or something you say during a Mexican Hat dance... "What's really good" achieved a life of its own, and "Baaaalin" led many-an-educated black man into supercilious debt from spending on transitory material items which depreciate by the second. SMH.

Jim Jones (a Continuation of Dip set) -

"You smell me?" "Ya dig?" (looking at SELF, C4) "Underdig?" Jimmy from dipset aka Mr. Please Don't Wash My Face lands these phrases on the list for being one of the most prolific MCs at awkwardly overusing E-40 slang and trying to make it east coast. Aggravating factors include the fact that he's usually making ridiculous ignorant claims while throwing in these phrases like commas. A lot like his former homeboy Max B.

Lil Wayne -

"Overstand me." Again, Weezy didn't make this up, or even be the first to say it recently (Jeezy). He just has made it dumb popular, emphasis on the dumb. I mean, I guess this speaks more to so many people riding his nuts these days than anything else. Let's keep it 100 on Wayne, okay? 50% of the time he spits pure hot fiyah. The other 50% varies from off-color, to strange, to pure hot garbage.

Why? Cuz Wayne does a lot of drugs. All the time. So please call him out on the wack verses, and the next time you wanna take his word for gospel, remind yourself. He might just be high. And you don't take your local crackhead seriously do you? Didn't think so. Young mulah, baaaa-*cough hack spit hack cough*

Honorable mentions....NORE, Freeway (Early), Paul Wall (What it do) Ghostface (and the whole Wu) and Big L. Big L's Ebonics was dope. He gets a pass like E-40.

This being said, I'm bout to slide out and handle some B.I. Big Up's to my fam readin the blog and a special shout out to all the goons,the Bosses, the d-Boys, Stick Up Kids, Trap Stars, Hot Boys (no homo) ,Hot girls, 5 Star Chicks, bad bitches, ryde or Die Chicks, and Gangsta Bitches. :)

I know the post was mad crazy fly, so don't know I gotcha open. "This shit right here...?" It's straight butter my dude, best you ever had. Ask you girl. She like the way I do it, cause we Debo the game, keep it 100 and make sure it's always off the meat rack like veggie burgers. Believe dat.

Live, Love, livin life in Marvelous times while Kickin in the door wavin the 4-4...

Show-Show and Cee-Fo'


The Word Diva said...

you forgot "yamdiggin" which is philly vernacular! LOL definitely had me cracking up over here

Anonymous said...

I was following this post thinking, wow, this different from the Nappyheaded Bros. They are actually sending an important message. But then one of you coons did the same thing which your post was about, using dumb as phrases. Whom ever of you street monkeys decided it was ok to say, "Keep it 100" while attempting to describe one of the offenders ultimately comitted the same offense. Ivy league is overrated. Yours Truly, that Coon they call LeFleur

Carl said...

Sorry LaFleur you seem to have misoverstood, lol. Keepin it 100 makes sense, because you know what it means and it was in the context of doing what it aims to do. If I say, keep it 100 and just leave it in the ether sans rhyme or reason, you have a point. If I use it in context, it becomes a literary vehicle to drive home my point, tuck it in bed and kiss it good night. Ya dig?

Rock said...

i was gettin ready to spaz then I saw it was C-4 who said it. (Woo-hooo, Showrock's off the hook.) C4, Lefleur has a point....But Lefleur, that is the point. You see, these phrases become so ingrained in our everyday lives that we use them unintentionally. Yes, Keep it 100 makes sense, but many of the colloquialisms don't.

In the word's of OJ da Juice man: "I say keep it 200 cause a lot of niggas ain't keepin it 100. So ima keep it 200. 100 for me, and 100 for you" LMAO. Coon.

Amir said...

"Can I get a cheah [rhymes with "yeah']? Cheah. Cheah. Cheah. Cheah. Cheah. Cheah. Cheah. Up down left right, Cheah Cheah Cheah Cheah!"