Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Phew...It's about time we brought back slavery!

Anyone who knows me knows I don't really DO pop-culture blogs...I save that for Perez Hilton and the rest of the rainbow coalition(aka the brown helmet boys--No homo--....just think, you'll get it.)

Why don't I do pop culture, might you ask? Cause' I've got a reputation to uphold in these streets. LOL. I don't even do that MediaTakeout.com shit cause I'm waaaaaaay too busy.

Nevertheless, I feel the need to touch upon a few facets of celebrity Tomfoolery only to show the inherent racism and cultural imperialism being secretly brewed to perfection somewhere on Rodeo drive. That's right niggas and nigettes, white people are trying to outsmart us again, just like they did 400 years ago when they said "Free cruise to America with fried chicken and white women."

Yea i said it and have no qualms in defending it! Dr. Evil and his Caucasian empire are trying to make us slaves again... and I aint goin for it!!!

Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice shame on me. One time's a lollipop (no homo) , two times a sucker. I think you get the point. I love white people and all (especially Sheyla Hershey, Denise Richards and all the dudes from Superbad)...

However... I dont think I'm ready to go back on the auction block or work the fields and end up as black as my window tints.

This being said, I'm finna (southern word of the day) break it down to you as I lay down another certified Showrock Conspiracy theory...(Yall remember the Purple Blog right?) I'm bout to 'Ether' this shit.

Showrocka Presents: Conspiracy Theories

Phew...It's about time we brought back slavery!

I know I say some off color shit and often offend the same white girls I'm trying to trick into teasing my tastebuds with the tips of their tantalizing ta-tas, but I am also an ass and don't give a shit.

In all honesty, I can't blame white people for having slaves. It seems like a pretty sweet deal...let them work for free while you chill all day, enjoy the fruits of their labor and fornicate with them whenever possible. The only problem with this, is that we human beings are all equals so it's JUST PLAIN WRONG. You had your "slavery" run, and while I wish that I was somehow on the benefiting end of the situation, I wasn't, and it is now over.

Sure you guys are salty that you lost your free Labor and booty, but whatever. Fair is fair. You tricked us back when you were smarter than us (or had the power of EVERY institution backing you), and now that you aren't in that position, we all have to be treated as equals. Agreed? Agreed.

Multi Media Conglomerates and Celebrities...where the f**k do you get off trying to bring back slavery? So what you have all the power and money...its not 1492 and WE HAVE LAWS and CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS. I know by now a lot of you are thinking, why the f**k does Show believe Celebs are trying to enslave us? read and learn.

Step 1: Black people (and other minorities) like Beer and Chicken wings. What sport is most often associated with these two things? Football. Plain and simple, there is no other answer. We don't eat spinach Dips and Triscits (well, I do...but I'm an exception), we eat Wings (pronounced Waaaaaangs) and watch football. This being said, huge conglomerates are really pushing this fantasy football thing.

"Owning" players gets us used to the concept of ownership as applied to human beings. Why do you think J-Lo, the Williams Sisters, Mark Anthony, and fine ass milftastic Gloria Estefan all own part of the Miami Dolphins. Think about it, use minorities to get minorities used to the concept of "human ownership."

Step 2: Powerful (ahem...white.. :) ) people unite! Why try to train a stubborn dog, when you can raise a puppy to behave exactly as you wish? You following my logic yet?

Rather than simply have children whom (as shown through parenting law) you can treat like slaves, Celebs are out adopting babies from other countries in an attempt to own us all over again. Down with cultural colonialism and nigga hoarding (lol). See examples below.

The worst part about this new Prada baby phenomenon (i call it this cause these bitches are switchin these babies up like designer bags...i.e. "I think I'ma rock my Ethiopian tonight to the premiere") is that it was a black woman who gave them the idea!!!! Just like the Europeans stole the idea of slavery from African tribes that were doing it to each other. SMH. When will we learn!!!

Josephine Baker, an African American Songstress who was fine as Whine (shout out to Gavino) , at the age of 50, adopted 12 children from different countries and ethnic backgrounds as part of a protest for the black civil rights movement.
Now when I say she adopted 12 children from 12 countries I don't mean 12 countries in Africa (aka 12 different shades of pitch black and purple..jk), I mean an actually diverse household which she called the "Rainbow Tribe." Korean, Japanese, Finnish,Colombian, Canadian, French-Jewish,Algerian, Moraccan...the list goes on.

While I applaud her for her bold statement, these modern day celebrities witness the act yet completely ignored the intent. Let's be honest. They didn't adopt these babies because they were cute...how cute could you possibly think a black child is when you honestly believe he'll grow up and rob, rape or kill you. They adopted these children because it's "cute" to show your status and amount of star power by buying the one thing that is technically "not for sale"...Human Life!!! (Hookers excluded. Mike Tyson bought exotic Tigers. These MF'ers are buying niggas!! Sorry for my perpetual use of the N word. It's just so convenient.

Below you will find empirical evidence that this is more than a theory...

Madonna: adoption of one-year-old David Banda of Malawi

Meg Ryan: bringing home new daughter Daisy, whom she adopted in China

Angelina: Ethiopian Zahara Marley Jolie-Pitt & Maddox Jolie Pitt (Cambodia.)

Mia Farrow (the worst), adopted ten children from all around the world, the most famous of them, Soon-Yi Previn, who went on to have an affair with Mia's then-significant-other, Woody Allen, as a teenager. Then Woody and Soon-Yi married and adopted two children themselves.

Wrong on so many levels. So so (Jermaine Dupri reference) many levels.

Hopefully your eyes have been opened to the new danger which, with education and passive resistance, can eventually be overcome. Just remember, the next time you see something that "just aint right", let the investigative Nappyheaded Private detectives know !!! True story, we can smell a conspiracy a mile away dunn-dunn.

Live, Love, F**king with yall !!!


1 comment:

MW said...

I fail to see how this all adds up to slavery or anything like it, even in a comically far fetched sense.

I do, however, agree on the "celebs buying human life" thing. I think you may have missed one point: that celebs are bolstering their status not by just flashing their cash and "owning" a non-white child from another continent (gotta catch 'em all?), but they are faking humanitarianism and "rescuing" these children from a life of misery.

This may be the old white colonial fantasy all over again, but it is partially true that these children are being rescued from a less comfortable life and spirited into a life of luxury. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking Brangelina are stealing African children and attempting to breed their own personal unter-race of subservient watermelon-seed-spitting pickanninies or rail-laying wok-frying Charles and Charlotte Chans.

As a relative outsider to most of your blogging themes, I of course have to allow you the slack to own those things that a non-black non-heterosexual cannot claim as his own without a severe ass-whopping, but...

Where the fuck do you get off taking ownership of beer and chicken wings on behalf of "minorities"!? Come now. Unforgivable.

One of the most egalitarian drinks and one of its favorite companion foods should be property of the "Rainbow Tribe" that is humanity. (...Not to be confused with the Rainbow Coalition who is marching outside of Focus on the Family).

You can keep football but leave me my fucking Guinness!