Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Notorious H.O.M.O: Bigs' Gayest lines

Fuck the intro. The title speaks for itself. I'm going in (pause.)




Just like old people get away with saying and doing off-color and hilarious shit in church simply because they're old...



Rappers who've reached the upper echelons of greatness get away with saying crazy shit based on their relative status in the rap game.




Now I am not talking about old Camel face Jay-Z or chipped tooth Nas putting out a whack album or corny line every once in a while (think Nastradamus or Kingdom Come.) What I'm talking about is that "I'm Tupac I can rock a nose ring and a leather bra-lette just because I'm the greatest of all time" shit!



I'm talking about that, "I'm Pac so I can rock some gay ass Chain-mail Boxers and pose in a tub shit!!!"


Nevertheless, I digress. I'm not here to talk about Pac. I like Pac. I'm here to talk about the fat man. Yep, that's right. I liked B.I.G, but he was still fat and overrated. Worse still, he SAID SOME OF THE GAYEST SHIT EVER!!!!!!!!




See a lot of people are afraid to talk about B.I.G, but I keep it 100. That nigga should be posthumously put on blast for some of the ridiculously homosexual tomfoolery which he managed to pass off as rap lines!!! Please don't shoot me D-Roc, or bench press me lil Cease.




Notorious H.O.M.O : B.I.G's Gayest Lines...

4. Niggas...Grab ya di*k if you love hip hop...

Yea nigga. We get it. Grabbin your junk makes you look tough, or at least it did in the early nineties. You really couldn't just say "grab your crotch" though? Word B.I.G? You really want niggas chanting the word DICK and associating it with you? You know what....maybe I'm just trippin. He did tell ladies to rub their titties as well.



Something inside me (no homo) still says that there's something suspect about this line. I'll let it pass though as it wasnt actually gay. Plus, B.I.G was from Brooklyn so he had to be hard...right?


3. Don't you know my nig*a gutta fu*kin kidnap kids, f**k em in the ass , throw em' over the bridge.



Homo thuggery? Word? Since when is it tough to say "My boys will rape your boys?". I'll answer it for you. It has never been cool to say that. Not even in Jail...although in jail it is OK to think this. You still can't say it though, let alone sing it!! B.I.G was getting closer to gaydom with this one. Still, we didnt wanna hate on the big man. I mean come on...we all have eclectic friends. He never said he would fu*k kids in the ass. Maybe he even meant female kids....I doubt it...but it's a possibility. Right? F**k it. Lets just throw on Juicy and forget we even heard that line. See...problem solved... For now.


2. You think I'm pussy, I dare u to stick ur d**k in this!


Whoa there playboy. When Puff Diddy-Daddy Sean John said "take that, take that" he didn't mean it LITERALLY. Are you really daring people to see how gay you are? What the F**k man. This is not cool. You really want these homo thugs to put it in your corn hole just so you can say "see, I didn't like it cause I aint gay!!" Or is it that you want them to try to rape you so that you can f**k them up...That'd be a little more gangsta. Wait, no it wouldn't. Gay naked preventative rape wrestling? Nah....I'm gonna have to veto that one and call it pretty frickin gay my friend.


C4: But it's Biggie fam? he made Hypnotized...One more chance...warning! He made it cool to rock Bill Cosby coogi sweaters!! He made it permissible to be pudgy (or fat!) He fu*ked Faith Evans...I wanna f**k Faith Evans.



Whoops. Shoulda posted this pic. My bad. LOL.


Show: Yea me too. Aiiight. I guess he didn't say "I want you to stick your d**k in this," he said "I dare you." I guess he's just saying, you know...don't test me. Right? Right C4...? Tell me I'm right C4.


C4: Of course man. It's Biggie Smalls....the millionaire, the mansion the yacht...the three weed spots the four hot glocs!


Show: My bad. I'm trippin. Don't make me regret forgiving this indiscretion though. I trust you. Pause.


1. You look so good, umm, I'd suck on your daddy's d**k.


Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!





C4 (Leaving room): La la la la la. I hear nothing. I hear nothing. I swear I hear nothing.

Show: F**k you Carl. You heard that shit. get back in here!


Notorious Christopher Wallace. You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm calling Voletta!!


Now I've heard people say "you're so fine I'd drink your bathwater" and even "you're so fine I'd skeet in your butt then eat it", but this....this playboy....is beyond the realms of gross. IT IS GAY. I'm sorry. Even that time I said the girl with the pink hair was skeet in her butt and eat it fine does not come close to anything of this caliber. I've heard one of my boys say that a girl "probably f**ks good because she looks like my mom" but even that wasn't as disturbing as this!


You call yourself the king of New York? I'm gonna have to say that Jay can now rightfully rock that crown (despite my odio for that cabron) and that you can replace yours with an African basket or a fruit bowl like that Chaquita bananna lady (modeled after Carmen Miranda) take your pick. I'm sorry no one said it to you when you were alive, and I do not intend to disrespect the dead, but nah son!!! I don't let this type of sh*t ride.

Hold up....I'm talking to you "Notorious B.I.G's legacy"...I'ma let you finish, but Tupac's lyrics were waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more heterosexual than yours!




Live, Love, Telling the truth.


Show

8 comments:

MW said...

Dude, "homies over hos", right?

I mean, uh, it's just "thuggin' love."... right!? Right!?

Nah, offering to give someone's dad a frontal flesh-pipe roto-rooting is pretty damn gay.

But maybe Biggie didn't have the luxury of inserting "no homo" into his lyrics. It would, after all, have broken up the cadence and rhythm.

Rock said...

There are some things no homo just doesn't cover. Actually...no homo doesn't really cover anything. It just sounds funny and ridiculous and is a perfect accompaniment to the Hogwash Tomfoolery that is this Notorious B.L.O.G.

MyLifesAFlic said...

You wild as hell for this joint. LMAO tho. Pac was lookin mega gay in them pics.

DrOctagon said...

That last line, which I thought was incredibly gay too at one time, is actually paying homage to Richard Pryor.
Pryor said it in one of his stand-up routines and its was hilarious. Whether Big was subconsciously using it to express some sort of deeply repressed homoerotocism is up for debate. Regardless, that shit didn't just come up off the top of his head and he thought it'd sound great in a song.
It seems like you're stretching a bit with some of these. I feel like if I use the word 'context' you'll blast me but I think you should probably consider it. It also seems like either you have something against Biggie or some sort of knee-jerk homophobia which may or may not stem from your own repressed homosexual desires.

Rock said...

-----> Team Pac. Nuff said.

Yellie Belle said...

Dr. Octagon, You DO know that Richard Pryor was an admitted homosexual right? Furthermore in his comedy routine "Wino & Junkie" The "Junkie" who he was impersonating, was the one who made that comment. Biggie on the other hand, made this statement FIRST-HAND. Either way, it's gay.

Unknown said...

First off believe in it or not at some point both B.I.G. & Pac were illuminati. The Illuminati is very gay, at their private parties they engage in full throttle male orgy's and don't allow the women to join in until the end. One thing a lower ranking member does not do is refuse sex from a higher ranking member, who is going to be another male. Pac refused sex from Quincy Jones, because he wanted his daughter, but that doesn't mean no other member got to him. Now the gay pics, they probably made him do that, they love shit like that. Now B.I.G. gaylines, are more than suspect real heterosexual men don't say shit like that, look at Mister Cee getting caught with transvestites. He didn't just start doing that shit.B.I.G.'s 666 clothing line,+gaylines were just what the Illuminati ordered. Look at Puff...Gay a.f. Russell Simmons Gay a.f. you don't get to the top without getting your backs broke. The real str8 cats un hip hop go independent, or just stay under a certain dollar amount. Because outside that the Gay-anati runs hip hop.

Unknown said...

yea BIG said aloy of gay shit and got off indeed.. " I'm in his ass while he plays against the Utah jazz"(I got a story to tell)..."get in that ass quick fast like ramadan" (kick in the door)