Just like old people get away with saying and doing off-color and hilarious shit in church simply because they're old...
Rappers who've reached the upper echelons of greatness get away with saying crazy shit based on their relative status in the rap game.
Now I am not talking about old Camel face Jay-Z or chipped tooth Nas putting out a whack album or corny line every once in a while (think Nastradamus or Kingdom Come.) What I'm talking about is that "I'm Tupac I can rock a nose ring and a leather bra-lette just because I'm the greatest of all time" shit!
I'm talking about that, "I'm Pac so I can rock some gay ass Chain-mail Boxers and pose in a tub shit!!!"
Nevertheless, I digress. I'm not here to talk about Pac. I like Pac. I'm here to talk about the fat man. Yep, that's right. I liked B.I.G, but he was still fat and overrated. Worse still, he SAID SOME OF THE GAYEST SHIT EVER!!!!!!!!
See a lot of people are afraid to talk about B.I.G, but I keep it 100. That nigga should be posthumously put on blast for some of the ridiculously homosexual tomfoolery which he managed to pass off as rap lines!!! Please don't shoot me D-Roc, or bench press me lil Cease.
Notorious H.O.M.O : B.I.G's Gayest Lines...
4. Niggas...Grab ya di*k if you love hip hop...
Yea nigga. We get it. Grabbin your junk makes you look tough, or at least it did in the early nineties. You really couldn't just say "grab your crotch" though? Word B.I.G? You really want niggas chanting the word DICK and associating it with you? You know what....maybe I'm just trippin. He did tell ladies to rub their titties as well.
Something inside me (no homo) still says that there's something suspect about this line. I'll let it pass though as it wasnt actually gay. Plus, B.I.G was from Brooklyn so he had to be hard...right?
3. Don't you know my nig*a gutta fu*kin kidnap kids, f**k em in the ass , throw em' over the bridge.
Homo thuggery? Word? Since when is it tough to say "My boys will rape your boys?". I'll answer it for you. It has never been cool to say that. Not even in Jail...although in jail it is OK to think this. You still can't say it though, let alone sing it!! B.I.G was getting closer to gaydom with this one. Still, we didnt wanna hate on the big man. I mean come on...we all have eclectic friends. He never said he would fu*k kids in the ass. Maybe he even meant female kids....I doubt it...but it's a possibility. Right? F**k it. Lets just throw on Juicy and forget we even heard that line. See...problem solved... For now.
2. You think I'm pussy, I dare u to stick ur d**k in this!
Whoa there playboy. When Puff Diddy-Daddy Sean John said "take that, take that" he didn't mean it LITERALLY. Are you really daring people to see how gay you are? What the F**k man. This is not cool. You really want these homo thugs to put it in your corn hole just so you can say "see, I didn't like it cause I aint gay!!" Or is it that you want them to try to rape you so that you can f**k them up...That'd be a little more gangsta. Wait, no it wouldn't. Gay naked preventative rape wrestling? Nah....I'm gonna have to veto that one and call it pretty frickin gay my friend.
C4: But it's Biggie fam? he made Hypnotized...One more chance...warning! He made it cool to rock Bill Cosby coogi sweaters!! He made it permissible to be pudgy (or fat!) He fu*ked Faith Evans...I wanna f**k Faith Evans.
Show: Yea me too. Aiiight. I guess he didn't say "I want you to stick your d**k in this," he said "I dare you." I guess he's just saying, you know...don't test me. Right? Right C4...? Tell me I'm right C4.
C4: Of course man. It's Biggie Smalls....the millionaire, the mansion the yacht...the three weed spots the four hot glocs!
Show: My bad. I'm trippin. Don't make me regret forgiving this indiscretion though. I trust you. Pause.
1. You look so good, umm, I'd suck on your daddy's d**k.
C4 (Leaving room): La la la la la. I hear nothing. I hear nothing. I swear I hear nothing.
Show: F**k you Carl. You heard that shit. get back in here!
Notorious Christopher Wallace. You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm calling Voletta!!
Now I've heard people say "you're so fine I'd drink your bathwater" and even "you're so fine I'd skeet in your butt then eat it", but this....this playboy....is beyond the realms of gross. IT IS GAY. I'm sorry. Even that time I said the girl with the pink hair was skeet in her butt and eat it fine does not come close to anything of this caliber. I've heard one of my boys say that a girl "probably f**ks good because she looks like my mom" but even that wasn't as disturbing as this!
You call yourself the king of New York? I'm gonna have to say that Jay can now rightfully rock that crown (despite my odio for that cabron) and that you can replace yours with an African basket or a fruit bowl like that Chaquita bananna lady (modeled after Carmen Miranda) take your pick. I'm sorry no one said it to you when you were alive, and I do not intend to disrespect the dead, but nah son!!! I don't let this type of sh*t ride.
Hold up....I'm talking to you "Notorious B.I.G's legacy"...I'ma let you finish, but Tupac's lyrics were waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more heterosexual than yours!
Live, Love, Telling the truth.