Monday, September 21, 2009

ATM Pin #'s (Pt. 1)

It's not too often that I proceed to write a post which I genuinely believe is reckless and over the line. This isn't because I'm a punk bi*ch or afraid of confrontation, but rather because there are very few things which I think are over the line. This, however, is...

You said you wanted interactive blogging. You said you wanted to feel connected. Here goes. Something for everyone. Feel free to be entertained at the expense of others or yourselves, all the while attempting to figure out if you are somehow included in the list of scandalous activities mentioned.

Don't like it? You shouldn't have slept with me or C4.

Ok, here's how this works. Take your cell phone number and write down the first 3 digits (area code). Next take the last digit of your phone number to create your final, 4 digit pin. Sidenote: Don't assume all 203 numbers are from Show and all (301) Codes are from C4. Also, just because the writing style screams "Show" or "C4" does not mean that the writer is the one in the story. You don't think we'd make it that easy for you do you? Let the games begin.

#2186. You are the perfect description of an ironic lay. In meeting me at the club, approximately 3 hours before getting naked, you told me I was cute but that you thought I was gay. Pretty ironic huh? What makes this even better was that because I am a spiteful individual and wanted to get you back for making that comment, I proceeded to convince you to not only sleep with me, but also my friend simultaneously. He did not "walk in on us" by chance, but was rather the 3rd person to knock on the door and grab the key card from under the rug. The first two declined.

LOL. Funny thing is, you seemed to like this and considered it a good experience because the last black guy you hooked up with tried to go anal. I'm not really into that. Guess it worked out for us both. It's also kinda ironic that you're from the Twin Cities, because with one guy behind you and one in front gagging his member down your throat, it'd kinda looked like the twin towers.
Owwww Owwwwwwww.

#3124. You might be the nastiest bi*** I ever entered, and that's saying a lot. Like saying you're the most flaming outfit Kanye ever wore...whore. LMAO! And this isn't because of the goodie two shoes act you had been pulling prior to the night we did the deed, or the record 45 minutes (and the last 10 I was just being polite) it took between the time YOU approached ME at the bar and the time you were gobbling down my man-snake....

Wait a second, these things have a lot to do with you being so nasty, lol. But the kicker was when I was jookin dat ass doggystyle and accidentally went for your boom-boom, and it went right in!!! Now for anybody remotely familiar with anal sex as opposed to vaginal, you will know that it is not that easy to just get in there without a struggle, some KY, or a good glob of spit (Keep it 100!) And I'm not a man who just runs around town Kobe-ing broads. So when you replied, "yeah f*** my ass!" I thought, eeeeeeeewwww she's a pornstar! I mean, I didn't disobey the order, but I thought even less of you. And oh yeah, sorry i didnt call you like you asked me to, it's not just because you smellied up my room bad enough for me to decline sleeping there while you did, but because I didn't have your number. I got it off facebook like a year later, hahahaha!

Whooop Whoooop!!!! (What? We're looking for Owww Owwww Substitutes)

#9159 I almost feel kinda bad about this one, but then I remember all the messed up stuff you did to me and say eh, f**k it. LOL. Anyways, this story starts off with a romantic evening at home for an undisclosed holiday. You, as always, are running early. The old boy is in the kitchen chefing up (cooking my ass off) like Raekwon only to hear a knock at the door about 15 minutes prior to your estimated time of arrival. Aint that a bitch!!!! Anxious to impress you (and not seem unpunctual), I quickly grabbed the meat (no homo) off the stove and threw it onto a plate with some garnish (what? Hood niggas can be epicureans too.) Oh shit! A Nigga forgot the corn....SHE LOVES CORN!!! I quickly pop open a can of creamed corn from Fresh Grocer only to find a dead roach IN THE CORN!! Knock, Knock. "Are you sleeping?" she yells. "Be there in a minute, didnt wanna gonorrhea (burn) the meat." I plucked out the roach, put the corn in a bowl and called it a night. BTW, I made sure NOT to eat the corn. LOL.

Skewowwww, owwww.

#2402 This one is relatively innocent. It begins with a nappyheaded bro attempting to impress a chick he liked a lot at the time, but also having to take a meeeeaaaan dump. The kind thy compels one to drop it at the home of a person you don't know that well, to be blowing up their bathroom, much less a chick who's bad who you're trying to impress. Needless to say, it was lucky for me I wasn't the only one over at the crib. My boy was there so my extended absence wasn't so obvious. During most of these 20 mins I'm in the can not dropping bombs but rather searching for a toilet paper substitute since there was none in there.

After strongly considering using one of the bath towels, I settled on her Kotex Lite Days pantyliners that were under the sink. Fellas, in case you were wondering, those don't flush. I found out the hard way. But I wasn't going to keep I tossed them out the window. No one was the wiser.

Powww Wowwwwwwwww. I like that one. We have a winner.

Live, Love, Not giving a Poww wowwwwww.

Once More, gettin more Poww wowwww than before...

Show & C-Fo'


MW said...

If it were #3124 in place of #2186, I think each of the Twin Towers could have collapsed in her Ground Zero simultaneously. People like her are putting Astroglide out of business.


And, to you, #2035:

I am confident you have a huge contact list that is in part shared by others.

I hope to God that someone with even the most elementary Sherlocking skills will call you out on these shenanigans.

I relish the sweet Schadenfreude of others' various comeuppances.

Just don't get any more death threats?

mandy ;) said...